Stella, dont you dare say that you are a failure. Your h has failed. He failed to tell you he was unhappy, he failed to keep his marriage vows, he failed to try with everything he had.
You stood for a very long time. There are no guarantees with db. Different things work for different people and other things dont work for some. There is no way to know.
The important thing about dbing is that we grow. And you have grown so much.
Hold your head high that you tried as hard as you could. Take care of you, be there for your daughter and remember what a wonderful person you are!
Stella, Im sorry your H has put you through this again. But you can still have hope. You are not a failure at all. And just because he says it is over...doesnt mean anything. Just keep your head up! You are a strong woman!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I am so sorry Stella. Your post about the well water made me cry. I was so rooting for you and your h. Keep praying Stella.
Not to give false hope, but I truly don't think your h was ready to come home. It isn't until R with spider is done that he could really come back to you.
Love can be re-kindled, but will take much work. It's not a place that you can even go right now.
Now I thought that your h was done with spider. How did they get back together? Doesn't mean it will last either!
Hugs!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Even though I don't want to spend much time on the BB until I heal a little bit, it feels GREAT to come back and find so much support from friends. Thank you!
I've spent a few hours with H on Friday - he was helping me with my mom's house, I asked him to a while ago. It was awkward at the beginning but then I started telling him that I'm fine with being friends as I think we should try and do it for our D18 and that he can call me if he wants to. H was visibly relieved and we were talking in a very friendly way all the way to my mother's place (H drove Spider's car. It is first time I agreed to get into it). Even though I've decided not to give his MLC another thought, I couldn't help noticing - he had beady eyes again and there were other signs that he's still deep in the fog.
Whatever.
I haven't heard from him since Friday and I don't want to.
Glam, he got back with Spider the day he came to pick up our dog and we've had our closing talk. He only had to give her a whistle, I guess, she was waiting for it patiently. What a woman!
I'm struggling with depression each and every day but I can see the light at the end of tunnel. At least I can IMAGINE that I will go on living without H and I will be all right. I take it one day at a time, thinking about past and/or future is strictly forbidden. I also forbid myself to imagine H with OW, something that always makes me angry or tearful.
I've also noticed that until recently I kept reminding myself of our good days together, as if I was afraid to forget what a great H I used to have and, I guess, to keep my love for him alive.
Now I'm doing the opposite - I focus on the changes in him, on his new ways which make him a stranger. It is easier to let go of the stranger that only looks like my H.
And I have let go completely. Finally! I should have done it ages ago!
Oh well, everyone has his own timing.
BTW, Beginners, I don't really consider myself a failure, but I think that I could have grasped the consept of letting go a little bit faster . As it is, it only took me two years .
It's too early for me to think that I've succeeded this time, I still remember how well I managed to detach in August-September and how I was back in limbo by the end of October. But at least now I know what NOT to do.
((((all))))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Didn't hear from H for a week now. I'm fine with it, for the first time in two years I'm not trying to imagine what he's thinking and whether he's in "Withdrawal" or "Depression" and how much longer it will take him to wake up.
I really need help with my mother's place right now and H knows it perfectly well, still he didn't offer his help and I'm not going to ask for it. From now on I'm on my own. The thought is still frightening and the feeling of loneliness is very intense.
But I'm going to get better, and soon. I will manage somehow.
(((all)))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
. As it is, it only took me two years 
.