Just found out wife filed

[RobD70]

I know my marriage is over but I want to keep sharing my story anyway so people can avoid making the mistakes I made at least.

Went to the IC which is the same one the W and her youngest son uses. Both had told the IC that they can tell I'm angry and the W is hurt about the way I respond to her (just to the point, no small talk, wont answer calls). Really what does she expect?

I told the C that her moving in with the OM for the second time was a deal breaker and that I want the D over with asap. I want nothing to do with the W and pretty much hate her guts. I said I just married the wrong person and she has unrealistic expectations of relationships. I used to think the W was special but now I know she's not and she can't be trusted. I knocked her right off that pedestal lol. I wish I had done it sooner.

My biggest mistake was taking her back too easy. I should had put my foot down and told her to work out her issues first before trying to come back. Just taking her back with open arms let her continue to be confused and took away her motivation to work on herself since I was doing all the work.

In hindsight, I should have filed the day I found out about the A. Things would have been different. Oddly enough a couple of success stories I read had the LBS do just that. It earned them some respect and was a wake-up call to the WAS and caused them to come right back. Knowing what I do now over this past year, I would actually advise that. Once the WAS thinks you don't need them it really makes them think about what they are doing. Showing you are strong is a big attraction but so hard to pull off.

I'm going to hang on to my anger for now. It really helps me deal with her. The C thinks I should be working on letting it go but right now I see no point. I think I like hating my wife lol. She is a dumper and she still has ex's try to talk to her after all these years. I might just be the only ex to not want her. I feel special

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My biggest mistake was taking her back too easy. I should had put my foot down and told her to work out her issues first before trying to come back. Just taking her back with open arms let her continue to be confused and took away her motivation to work on herself since I was doing all the work.

In hindsight, I should have filed the day I found out about the A. Things would have been different. Oddly enough a couple of success stories I read had the LBS do just that. It earned them some respect and was a wake-up call to the WAS and caused them to come right back. Knowing what I do now over this past year, I would actually advise that. Once the WAS thinks you don't need them it really makes them think about what they are doing. Showing you are strong is a big attraction but so hard to pull off.

I agree, but it's not in the DB catechism. We're advised to be their best friend -- even help them move their stuff in with OM/OW.

Blcccch.

Puppy

[robx]

My biggest mistake was taking her back too easy. I should had put my foot down and told her to work out her issues first before trying to come back. Just taking her back with open arms let her continue to be confused and took away her motivation to work on herself since I was doing all the work.

In hindsight, I should have filed the day I found out about the A. Things would have been different. Oddly enough a couple of success stories I read had the LBS do just that. It earned them some respect and was a wake-up call to the WAS and caused them to come right back. Knowing what I do now over this past year, I would actually advise that. Once the WAS thinks you don't need them it really makes them think about what they are doing. Showing you are strong is a big attraction but so hard to pull off.

I agree, but it's not in the DB catechism. We're advised to be their best friend -- even help them move their stuff in with OM/OW.

Blcccch.

Puppy

Being a good friend is one thing,
I don't think that any of the DB principles would indicate to anyone to help your spouse physically move in with the person they are having an affair with.

How would you show you have respect for yourself by doing something like this?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My biggest mistake was taking her back too easy. I should had put my foot down and told her to work out her issues first before trying to come back. Just taking her back with open arms let her continue to be confused and took away her motivation to work on herself since I was doing all the work.

In hindsight, I should have filed the day I found out about the A. Things would have been different. Oddly enough a couple of success stories I read had the LBS do just that. It earned them some respect and was a wake-up call to the WAS and caused them to come right back. Knowing what I do now over this past year, I would actually advise that. Once the WAS thinks you don't need them it really makes them think about what they are doing. Showing you are strong is a big attraction but so hard to pull off.

I agree, but it's not in the DB catechism. We're advised to be their best friend -- even help them move their stuff in with OM/OW.

Blcccch.

Puppy

Being a good friend is one thing,
I don't think that any of the DB principles would indicate to anyone to help your spouse physically move in with the person they are having an affair with.

How would you show you have respect for yourself by doing something like this?

I beg to differ. Check out the MWD article on DancingQueen's thread.

i know -- I couldn't believe it either.

Puppy

[RobD70]

My biggest mistake was taking her back too easy. I should had put my foot down and told her to work out her issues first before trying to come back. Just taking her back with open arms let her continue to be confused and took away her motivation to work on herself since I was doing all the work.

In hindsight, I should have filed the day I found out about the A. Things would have been different. Oddly enough a couple of success stories I read had the LBS do just that. It earned them some respect and was a wake-up call to the WAS and caused them to come right back. Knowing what I do now over this past year, I would actually advise that. Once the WAS thinks you don't need them it really makes them think about what they are doing. Showing you are strong is a big attraction but so hard to pull off.

I agree, but it's not in the DB catechism. We're advised to be their best friend -- even help them move their stuff in with OM/OW.

Blcccch.

Puppy

Yea that's wrong and I think I mentioned it earlier. If the WAS is having an A, you must NOT be their friend. Being their friend enables them to use you to fill in the voids the OM/OW is having trouble filling. That should be amended.

Funny thing, I got an email from the W today. I sent one telling her to fix bill and she sent one back saying she is sorry for hurting me and destroying out marriage. She say she knows I wont respond but for the record I am an incredible man and deserve better. She baiting me I can tell.

I'm not going to respond, even to tell her she's right. I have to stick to my guns and cut her from my life so I can heal. Silence says more than any clever words I could ever come up with.

[smith18]

Hey Rob, it sounds like you are taking the right approach and attitude. The anger will slowly change to IDGAF. Things will get much better once the divorce is behind you. You STBX may try to want to be buddies with you, but just remember, with friends like her, who needs enemies.

BTW... My W has your W beat on the age difference - she is 38 and OM is 68.

[RobD70]

Hey Rob, it sounds like you are taking the right approach and attitude. The anger will slowly change to IDGAF. Things will get much better once the divorce is behind you. You STBX may try to want to be buddies with you, but just remember, with friends like her, who needs enemies.

BTW... My W has your W beat on the age difference - she is 38 and OM is 68.

Damn son.

I don't expect mine (or your) W to last too long with their OM but I ain't sticking around for it implode.

I wont even speak with her as long as she lives with him and even then, I have no intention of ever getting back with her in the future...ever. I'm done with her.

[PortlandDad]

Rob:
Good on you m8. I'm not up-to-speed on your past sitch, but just what I'm reading here on the last few pages makes me respect your decision and conviction. It does sound more like the anger doing the talking right now. DB'ing is about more than just saving Ms, though, it is about saving ourselves and our families. My best wishes go out to you!

[RobD70]

Just an update on my sitch.

The D isn't final yet but I'm going to push for it next week. The ex emailed and mentioned she was having anxiety problems and was on new meds along with still going to weekly therapy. She still "worries" about me but I don't care. She is taking the OM to visit her family in NM which should be good for a laugh. I'm sure most with think he's her father at first and wonder where I am (they all liked me).

I started seeing someone new. It's only been a couple of weeks but she is just what I need right now. Parts of me gets excited then other times I feel guilt since I had been faithful for 7 years and it's a hard habit to break. It's like I keep forgetting I'm single and can do anything I want and not be judged for it.

Once the D is done and the house is sold I don't plan on contacting the ex ever again. As I see it, she doesn't deserve to talk to me. She will have to live the rest of her life knowing she destroyed a good marriage by cheating on her husband and pursuing a married man. I'm glad I don't have that on my conscience.

[RobD70]

A lot has changed in the past few months.

The W and I are back together under the same roof and she is bound and determined to make the M work this time. She wants/needs it far worse than I do and there's actually a noticeable change in her this time. All the time she was with the OM was hell and she's had been trying to get away from him for some time. She left him mid-May and has found out after the fact how evil he was (cheated on his wife several times, lies constantly, stole from his company). She can't stand him and is a bit afraid of him. There's no way in hell she would ever be with him again after finding out all this new info about him and if she did in the future anyway I would kick her @ss right out the door before she finished saying "I think we need to tal...OUCH! MY @SS!". Things are on MY terms now and if she has a problem with it then she can git 2 git'n.

So far thing are going quite well with us. We are broke as hell but other than that everything is great. The OM got kicked out of the company he was running (the day after she left him) and that company is now tanking which sucks for us since it's her biggest client. This had nothing to do with her.

It appears me pushing for the D caused her to panic and helped bring her back, even though that wasn't what I was trying to do. It's true, the minute you are over them is when they came knocking at your door. It took a couple of weeks or so to entertain the thought of taking her back. I wasn't for it at first.

She thinks I'm the perfect husband now and I plan on keeping it that way. I still have tons of resentment over all that's happened but I'm working on it. I think the little bit of anger I have left keeps me from acting too needy and makes me more confident which is what I was missing from the last couple of times we were together. This time the OM is really out of the picture and may end up in jail before it's all over. She sure knows how to pick them.