Almost all events we go to but no worries there. There is no way I would ever act out on anything. I have a hard time trying to understand how the OM or my wife could have done what they did. It is hard for me to comprehend how someone could do something so wrong to people that trust them and that would affect so many people. I know this woman would not cheat on her husband and she knows I would not cheat on my wife. But we both know in another place and another time……………..
Ok Root, Tonight I went to a coffee shop just to 1. Get out of the house 2. Leave a little mystery to where I am going 3. Read a book
It was great. I never really took the time to go somewhere that is a social spot just to read. Anyway I think you will understand more if maybe instead of "separation" I used the word Detachment. You see no matter how much I tried to detach before I was still "married" still acting on emotions. Still thinking things were going to change. So it may be a mental thing to me but I now can feel more detached. I am still legally married. I am not going to go cruse the bars for a date. But now I can relax. I can be at the coffee shop and if a woman sitting next to me starts to talk to me it's ok. Tonight while I was sitting there one did sit by me. She pulled out her lap top and I said to her. “I didn’t know they had Wifi here". She said she just found out yesterday. She was looking for a house to rent in town. I told her I did not know of any to rent but there were plenty for sale. She said she was not ready to buy one she was going to be going back to school. I went back to reading my book and then her BF came in. No big deal. Now if I was wearing my wedding ring, I would have been self concuss of talking to her and she may not have felt comfortable talking to me. This is also why I came back to piecing... My situation is really strange Root. Wife has not been with OM in almost 2 years. But she has told me she loves him and has no feeling for me. We do not fight, We have not had sex for almost 2 years, In a way right now we are dependent on each other being that she does not have a job but I need her because she is great at knowing what bill need to be paid and taking care of our finances.(This is something I will need to learn). So let me call this a "separation" and you can call it detachment. Nothing is going to happen (unless W instigates it) until after son is out of school this year and he and I get back from our father son trip. I posted to Tal that aside from some down days I actually feel kind of relived. Like the pressure of working on my marriage has been released. I am no longer actively pursuing my marriage but who knows maybe now things may just fall into place. Kind of like trying to get pregnant. Sometimes you are so stressed at trying nothing happens, and if you are not trying and are relaxed… Bam you are Prego… So if something happens and wife wants to actively work on our marriage again great. If not then I am preparing myself for the next chapter of my life. BTW... Saffie, I told you about the 10% pay cut I got. AND then the 10 percent layoffs looming at my company... well yesterday my boss gave me two more job responsibilities to take on so the chances of me being laid off just got allot slimmer. PLUS I will need to do over time and that will make up for the pay cut..
Ok time for bed 3:00 am comes around fast
Later Dr Love..
One example of how things have changed from before.....
This weekend there is a b-day party for wife's aunt. NORMALY we would go together. This weekend I am taking my own car. I get there when I want and I leave when I want. BTW I get along great with Aunts son's (wife cousins) I will probably stay longer that her....
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Im glad that you are in a "better place". I am a little jealous I have to say. Because sometimes I wish that things would end or just go forward, staying in limbo is no place to be.
You sound more relieved, I can tell in your post, you've been working so hard for so long, and yet you can force her to make a decision she has to do because she wants to. You deserve to be happy too, and to be with someone who loves you.
Wish I could have been there to hang out with you. I love coffee shops, I just don't drink coffee, Tea drinker here
H is supposed to leave from San Diego this afternoon... are you near there?
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Don't know if it is good new or bad. Wife took Neice to court today for her DUI. Wife has been talking to neice allot lately. Whilw talking Wife told me they called niece up and when she told me this she said they called her "maiden" name. I asked how they could have. She said she took her maiden name back. I said is she already Divorced? She said ya. When no body contests it is quick.
I THOUGHT SOMEONE SAID IT TAKES SIX MONTHS?????????
Anyway I can see a problem brewing. Niece is 30 years old.. Wife is 55. Wife seems to be reverting backwards in time....
On the other hand... since I released her last weekend. She really seems to be more interested about my going on’s...This is the second night now I have gone out........
Later Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Okay that makes more sense. I like the detachment. That's healthy... and I think being open to life, chatting with people and just living in a positive way, taking care of yourself and loving yourself, your child and accepting the situation with her for what it is, is good. It's definitely not perfect, but you are doing the best that you can and being there for your son. It sounds like a good way to deal with an imperfect situation.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
SO today I called home to get some info from Wife. She was all mad at her mom. I asked what was up? She went on saying how her mom does not understand how Niece could get busted for throwing an under age party, how she could be pulled over for drinking yada yada yada. THEN wife say's " I guess mom does not remember having to bail wife’s brother out of jail, I guess mom does not remember me having to go pull her out of bars.. yada yada yada. I told wife everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn by them. But I got to thinking. Is it me or does it seems my wife try’s to justify "mistakes" kind of like saying... Its ok everyone does it. Like its ok to DUI others do it. OR "it's ok to have an affair other have done it"
Or is this just me reading things into this that are not true..
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
SO today I called home to get some info from Wife. She was all mad at her mom. I asked what was up? She went on saying how her mom does not understand how Niece could get busted for throwing an under age party, how she could be pulled over for drinking yada yada yada. THEN wife say's " I guess mom does not remember having to bail wife’s brother out of jail, I guess mom does not remember me having to go pull her out of bars.. yada yada yada. I told wife everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn by them. But I got to thinking. Is it me or does it seems my wife try’s to justify "mistakes" kind of like saying... Its ok everyone does it. Like its ok to DUI others do it. OR "it's ok to have an affair other have done it"
Or is this just me reading things into this that are not true..
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
