Don't look back

[cz946]

Just an update.
XW called just as she said yesterday. I missed the first call, but called her right back. She wanted to discuss the plan for d and her valentines party and etc for school. We had a nice conversation. She seemed very bubbly, and I was upbeat and in good spirits. My cell phone died near the end of the call. So I called her back when I got home.

Just wanted to make sure she didn't think I hung up on her. I asked her opinion about a short sale. My house in payment is now more than 60% of my monthly income, my house is now worth 25% less than what I owe on it. I love my house, but need to make a decision. Either live for the house or let it go and live a little. The problem is she is still on the mortgage, so a short sale or foreclosure will effect her. I am currently up to date on all my bills, but feel like one disaster away from danger.

She started to get a little upset but I assured her that I wouldn't do anything with out her consent and am only exploring my options. I also stated that I just wanted to discuss it with her because I respect her opinion. She then went on to say that she is running her self into major debt, already had to consolidate a bunch of credit cards at a horrible rate, etc... While she was telling me this, I was thinking the whole time to myself, "I knew this was just a matter of time." But i just supported and listened to her, DBing. XW is a major shopper!! I worked my butt off to give her what ever she wanted.

She sounded as she was getting a little depressed, so I ask "are you alright? You sound a little sad." She said, It the whole situation, it makes me sad. Everything we worked for and now we are starting over. I am thinking to myself "HELLO" your the one who wanted to go through with the D. But I am in a better place, so again I just stated. We will get through this, and we will make the best decisions for the both of us. I just respect your opinions and wanted to discuss all our options. She ask if I had called the mortgage company and ask them if they can work with us. I said I emailed them and they responded that there wasn't anything they can do. She asked, if I wanted her to call. I said no I will call tomorrow. 180 for me. In the past, I always let her handle this. I ended the call, because I had to go bowling, ugh I hate bowling!

So I am at bowling, I get a txt from XW. Asking if I can give d a bath tomorrow night, cause her shoulder hurt. I responded "I can." She said thank you.


Later that I night I wake up after a bad dream. I had a dream that d and XW are being held hostage in India and I am searching for them. Don't know what that's all about!! So even though it goes against DBing,
Me: "I had a bad dream, are you and d ok.
To my surprise she responded right away.
XW "we are, i don't sleep anymore cause my shoulder hurts."
Me: Good. Thanks for responding, I'm not going to be able to fall back asleep now. The heating pad isn't working?
XW: I don't have a pad just the thing you microwave. It gets cold fast, and I am on call. (for work)
Me: Yeah I remembered you were on call. That's why I figured it would be ok to txt you. I sure wish there was something I could do for your shoulder. Is it constant pain?
XW: yes pretty much. The last week it has gotten real bad, Pushing to hard at the gym. I knew it.
about 1:00AM - Me: I can't imagine the pain you are in. You have been through a lot the last 2 years, you are a strong women though. You always push yourself hard, I can't see you letting up in the gym either.

at 6:03 XW: Sorry i fell asleep. the heat stopped helping. They ache like I broke them.
Me: Oh no problem shell. I finally fell asleep too. I wonder if you damaged the tendon. I will be here for you if you need anything, even if its just to talk or txt to get you through the night.:)
XW: Thank you. I think and hope because both shoulders hurt off and on its muscles, but I am resting them only doing legs.
Me: Thats a good plan.


2 hours later, while in a meeting at work. She calls. I answer, can I call you right back I presenting. She says, well my day isn't getting any better, I just ran out of gas and had to walk to the gas station and buy a gas can and walk back to my care. I said give me a minute, I will call you right back.

I call her back about 3 minutes later, and Ask if she needs me to come get her. She said no, she is all set, just wanted to tell me about her bad day. I said boy your sure are having some bad luck. I hope your day gets better, She says I can't believe not one person stopped to ask if I needed help. I told her she should have called me, I would have left work, and next time please call me, I will come get her. I wished her a better day and told her to call me if she needed anything, She said thank you. So I ended the call. I had to get back to the meeting.

Is it a baby step that she called me?? Am I being to nice?

I am trying to reconnect with XW emotionally. I feel that things have gotten a little better, and she is starting to open up, and seem more bubbly around me. Maybe she since that I am moving on. Which in a way I am, I have taken steps in the past 2 weeks to show her this. 1. the roommate, and 2. exploring my financial options with the house.

May what I would do for a long hug and a kiss!!!!!!!!!!!! But I can't let her know!

Am I making progress? Like I read on someones post earlier, you have to try to date your XS with out them knowing.

[cz946]

Valentines day is coming up. I have already decided that I am not going to get my XW anything, but should I purchase something for my d to give to her? Any thoughts?

I was thinking maybe we should make her something, but then that may look like I am presueing.

[cz946]

Just an update.
XW was away last weekend partying. No communication until Sunday. I am almost certain she was with OM, but no proof! I called her on Monday to ask if she could keep my d on Wednesday(I was invited to a Bball game). She said she had to check with her work out partner(GF) to see if they could move there time.

Kind of pissed me off, but I didn't let her know. I decided right then that I wasn't going to the game. She called after work, but I let it go to vm. No message. I didn't call her back.

The next morning she called, but I was in a meeting. She sent me a email about some logistic for d wednesday cheerleading class about noon. I responded ok. Nothing about the game.

I called her after work to tell her I started the process for the mortgage loan modification(180 for me). She seemed impressed.
She then ask me about the game. I said I already told them I couldn't go. I never heard back from you, and didn't want to inconvience you on my day with d. Plus I would rather spend the time with d. This seemed to make XW happy, not sure why!

A few friendly txt through out the night and this morning about d. Tonight is d cheerleading class, and XW is planing on attending as well.

One other thing. A lady I just recently meet through a friend, ask me to have a drink with her on Friday after work. I am thinking about going.
I am divorced and it is only a drink, but I still hope to reconcile my M. What do you think?

[cz946]

An update.

Well two weeks ago I met a lady friend for a drink. Had a wonderful time. Seen her twice since. Just for drinks. The funny thing is my XW knew that I was going to meet her. Since then she has been in contact with me much more than before. I think its almost like its a relief for her.

We been getting along really great for two weeks. She has helped me out with a few bills. We took d to disney on ice together. She has confirmed that shes been hanging out with her friend (OM), but has said she is not ready for a relationship yet. Which is exactly what I want to hear.
So two days ago, she sent me an email asking me if I would watch d on her time, cause shes going on vacation to cancun with OM and a group of friends. Must be Fing nice to afford. Apparently hes offered to pay for everything. This hurt me real bad. I think I should be there. I kept my cool and called her and said I would do what I can.

Later that night I sent her a text.
Me " I do envy you! I wish I was able to move on so fast."
Xw "I hurt everyday still. I will never heal just learning to be strong. Its not about moving on"

Again to me this is exactly what I want to hear. Is she playing games with me?????

S

[cz946]

Just an update.

XW just left for vacation with OM. Seems they a little more seriuos than she let on. Of course I thought this but didn't want to believe it. I have d5 all week so that will be great. Found out she has been taking OM around d5 already. I told her I didn't like this, she said she respected my opinion but disagrees that its to early. Of course this caused a backslide
on my parts, as we got into deep relationship talk. which seemed like a 2 week cycle for use. Get along great and then I get my feeling hurt. I promised myself to not let this happen again

We have been getting along great for the last two weeks. Even told her to have a great time on vacation several times. Went to dinner on Monday so I could see d5. It had been 4 days, even though we are 50/50. Just the way my schedule that week worked out. So at Dinner XW and I spent the whole time catching up. I even made the comment, dinner to see d5, and we been in deep conversation the whole time. XW laughed.

So here I am, D, still madly in love with XW, who is in a relationship with OM. I've been on a few dates, but no one I'm interested in. I have seemly became the perfect XH, as friends of our stated XW has mentioned this.

I honestly believe the XW, OM thing will phase out. He is 14 years older than her, and just spending a boat load of money on her. She or he will wake up.

[cz946]

I had an interesting conversation with my X-MIL last night. She picked d5 up from school, so I had to stop by and get her. XMIL ended up talking to me for 1 hour about XW. I know I can trust her not to say anything to XW, so I think its ok.
XMIL was bitter cause XW had not called home to talk to d5 since she has been on vacation. She said I don't even know who she is anymore. So thats how it started, then she went off in to relationship talk. She thinks XW made a huge mistake and would just wake up. She didn't realize how much she has been hanging out with OM, and was besides herself when I told her she was already taking d5 around him. XMIL said I want to ki!! him. LOL.. I said you can do anything that will just push her more to him. She realizes this and doesn't say anything to XW. She also commented on how XW wife is self centered and only cares about herself right now.
I told her that I made some mistakes too, but just wish she would have given me one more chance. I said I have learned so much, I know I will be a great husband. XMIL responded "you were a great husband before you ever read any books".

It also turns out that XW has been telling her family I have like 3 GF's. Who knew, guess I'm the man.LOL... I wish.. Well not actually, I just want my XW.

The only thing is, XMIL asked me not to give up on XW. I responded that I haven't but what I have been doing isn't working. I told her that I have to move on, not as in with a relationship with OW, put really let XW realize that I am not hers anymore. I said, she has her cake and can eat it to. She is getting spoiled by her sugar daddy, and I am still at her becking call kissing her butt trying to be her best frined and win her back. I said I can't do this anymore. Its killing me.

I told her I want all or nothing.