When your MLC XW wants back? Right before Christmas, my XW emailed me saying that she had a Christmas card for me from friends of mine. Wanted to know if I wanted to get together for coffee and she could give it to me. Also offered to mail if I didn't want to meet her. I have not seen her since December 2007 and have only had very limited limited email exchanges since (maybe 6 total emails). We set a time but she had to reschedule. After waiting a few days, I told her to just go ahead and mail it. This past Saturday, she said she would and wished a Happy New Year.
Last night at 5:30 she sends me a text, asking if we could do coffee. She has more mail(???) and has issues with mailing things(???). I agree to meet. We meet from 8pm until 10:30, catching up on life and family. Hugged goodbye, and when walking to car, she asks another question about my family, trying to prolong the conversation.
We got the D almost 2.5 years ago. Not sure why she wanted to meet. Making sure the saftey net was still there….or checking to see where and who I was? The nice thing about last night was that she kept smiling. We really had a good time together. Not sure if that is due to comfort with each other or what.
This is was the first time in over 5 years that I have actually seen the woman that I married in front of me! Always thought that she was in MLC and think she is coming out of that tunnel. Not sure what I should do or not do? Do I ask her out? Help!?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
1. Do you still love her? 2. Do you like the person she is right now? 3. Is the door still open and you feel that you can reconcile w/her at some point? 4. Have you forgiven her for her behavior and will you be able to accept her for who she is right now?
Here's what I would do...if you are still interested in reconciling w/her at some point...follow her lead. Allow her to pursue you for a change. She's the one that wents a little nuts, so she's the one that has to prove to you that she is trustworthy and when back your trust and respect for her. Don't pursue her right now. I think she's testing her toe in the pond, but still isn't ready to give her all to the relationship.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
1. Yes, well, the woman I married. 2. Yes, from what I can tell thus far. Again, have not really spoken in almost a year. 3. Not sure if that door is open with her. For me, it is. 4. Yes.
I guess my question is....when do you know that is what they want? I am just wondering why she wanted to meet so badly? The only thing I can think of is to test the waters.
Just keep moving foward and wait?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Jack is right, and great at keeping it simple. Tell her it was "nice" to visit again, the chats have fun ... and "to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"
Her answers may eliminate a whole lot of speculation and go in a direction outside anyone's ability to fit the pieces together.
We'd rather read about what she has on her mind than try to guess. After all, a MLCer with something on their mind is rare
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thanks for the advice all. I thought it best to send a quick note saying that it was good to see her and if she wanted to grab a coffee or dinner sometime, to give me a call. Had a friend look at it and they thought it was very nice, flowing and very non pressuring. Allowed her to see the door was open, but she needs to go through if she wants.
Sent the email late last night (met on Monday so three day rule). This morning got this response:
Thanks ____(my name).
Take care.
Not sure what to make of it, other than she is not done with the MLC yet....or she took it out of context.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks to you all for your advice.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I would also vote to let her take the lead here. It may be that she is finally realizing what she is missing or it was "just the holidays" and she felt alone and guilty.
If she contacts you again, she may in fact be interested. Then go with the flow. After all these years, I believe you have the right mental attitude and will not get hurt either way.
Sometimes we have to take chances to see where life may take us.
