Separated for 2 months... ice is thawing a little

[Choosing_Life]

Thanks for checking in. Spent New Year's with my son, daughter, and three of her friends. Invited W, but she wasn't ready. It was still lots of fun with the kids. I made a stir-fry with tons of fresh veggies from scratch... now that I am working out a lot I find I crave vegetables endlessly.

O/w, we seem to be maintaining new status quo, although we saw a fair bit of each other last week as my son was sick with a stomach bug, so it seemed like there were always little reasons for me to stop by. W invited me to stay for a cup of coffee several of those days. We talked a lot, she vented about our relationship, I validated. It seems like I am establishing a good pattern of validating her feelings, which helps me be more empathetic, which helps me validate, which helps me be empathetic, etc. It has really only dawned on me in the last month why she was so unhappy in our relationship. The challenge now is to change things for the better, and I think we are doing that a little at a time. We both have issues from our dysfunctional, abusive families of origin, and we are each working individually with counselors right now. My final statement to W on marital therapy was: "I'm ready whenever you are," which I told her last week. I resolved not to say anything else about it, and so far I have held to that resolution. Patience is my watchword, and I pray to God every day to help me find the patience and love to give W the space and time to figure out what she wants from life and whether that includes me. I have faith that it will, but if it doesn't, I know I will be OK. The changes I am making in my life will be good for me regardless of the outcome of this separation.

In terms of the stages, I think W and I are starting to inch toward the friendship stage, but mainly still reducing negativity and slowly increasing positive emotions. We have each complimented the other a couple of times, and we have had a few brief hugs and handholds, but W still seems to have a fair bit of fear and anger that she is dealing with.

Love is patient...