I am really and truly in the twilight zone. H is home, he thought son would be home, I guess. Anyway, he stayed downstairs and then at one minute to 12, comes up, says happy new year, gives me a kiss and then goes back downstairs.
At first I felt stupid being home with no plans. But then I realized why the heck is he home? What happened to that great new life he keeps talking about?
Well, 2009, is the year I move forward, one way or the other. Limboland is over for me. Still standing, but I gotta have some movement one way or the other.
Ok, if someone has some freakin' idea what the heck my h is doing, could you share it with me? I see he is saving up some money, and he is still going away, though not nearly as much as when he was in the thick of the affair. I have no idea where that relationship is at the moment. I think when I had that short conversation with the ow in September, it might have taken the blush off the rose. Oh my, my bad. It wasnt even planned.
I just have to wonder when this life he keeps talking about is going to start. It's been 18 months!
I am trying to work on some things now that the new year is upon us.
First, I absolutely have to finish up my sad resume and get going on job hunting.
Second, I need to lose some weight and get healthy. I have some trouble doing certain exercises due to my neuromuscular disease so I have to be creative.
Third, I NEED TO GAL!!! I am starting to sit at home again. Need to get to gettin'.
As an old-school manager might say, The only way to manage a thing is to measure it.
How much do you think is the right amount of GAL activity? - how many workouts a week? - how many walks in the park? - how many evenings out with friends? - how many times meeting a buddy for coffee per week? - how many movies per month? - how many dinners out? - how many job interviews? - etc.
Seriously - it sounds ridiculous, but for those of us who are starting over, who have been blindsided, it can be just the thing to get a life again. It used to be easy and automatic, and it isn't any more. So... set some goals: 2 movies a month. Or, meet 3 times for coffee, with some friend, every week. Or, 3 days a week I will get up and walk 2 miles. or whatever.
It is not "outcome based". It is effort based. It is not "how happy were you on Friday?" It is "did you go out to a movie?" It is not "how much weight did you lose?" It is "how many times did you move around and exercise?" it is not "did you get a job?", it is "how many interviews did you go on?" Good results will come in time, if you put the right effort in.
You can do it!
ps: bad on you for staying home NYE. "I just felt like it." Bah. I call BS on you for that!
OK, S. you can call me out on the New Years Eve thing. You are right - kinda. Truth is, I didnt have all that many choices, but I should have forced myself to do something.
I know you might be thinking I stayed home for h, but to tell you the truth, I dont think that was it. It was freezing here (7 below with the wind chill) and I was really tired. And I wanted to be home. Sometimes that is where I really want to be. Anyway, h is no fun on holidays. ( well, its the truth - he is an old soul who is very serious). And maybe I was kind of curious what would happen at 12 o'clock. But, this I promise, next year I will not be home - how about that?
Anyway, I like your idea about effort based actions. Hmm, once again, you gave me some things to think about and I thank you.
I spent a glorious day with my 8 year old niece yesterday. We went to Manhattan to the American Girl Doll store - just the two of us. My niece is one of the best people I know.
We had her doll's hair done, had her picture taken and put on the cover of the magazine and then had dinner, complete with a seat and table setting for the doll.
It was such fun! The best moment was when the waitress came over and said, is this your mom? My niece said, no its my aunt - who's my best friend. The waitress said, oh, you are very lucky to have an aunt like this. My niece said, I am the luckiest girl in the world. Oh she melts my heart!
Thanks Peace. I really think my h has lost his mind. This is not a joke or me trying to be funny, I really and truly think he has let the cuckoo out of the clock.
We were just in the kitchen and he opens this bag. In it are a salt and pepper shaker. He takes them out and puts them on the little tray where the salt and pepper sit, moves the ones that are there. I say, why are you using those. He says, I cant tell which is the salt and which is the pepper with the old ones. I cant remember which has more holes. I want to say, your head has more holes. But, of course, I dont.
I do say, oh, I can remember which is which. To which he replies, you can never have enough salt and pepper shakers.
Now, the man keeps saying he is leaving. Why is he buying me salt and pepper shakers?
I just got up and went downstairs to chuckle because where is it written that you can never have enough salt and pepper shakers? And why is this man buying them for the house he wants to leave, someday, maybe or maybe not.
I feel like I am in a Dr. Seuss book. I do not like you BM, I do not like green eggs and ham. I am moving out, but not, or maybe I am.
