Very quick journal update. I don't expect to be online for the next 4 days or so, as we're leaving tomorrow for our New Years trip. I will have my Blackberry, so if anything amazing happens, I will post, but otherwise I am going to try to take a break for my own mental health...
Still nothing really new to report here. Things have remained peaceful and nice, and we have even been laughing together more. We joked around before, but this seems more joyful somehow. There hasn't been another ILY, but there have been a few mentions of me being cute. Now, I am extremely curious about how H will act toward me around my ex over the next few days. My ex will definitely not flirt with me or anything like that, especially as we will be staying with his GF's family, but he and I do get along very well as friends, and I am not sure if this might make H naturally a bit territorial. I hope so in any case. I would like to see H's interest sparked a little bit more. Like I've been saying as well, I am just really excited for us to be around others as a couple again. It's been about 7 months since we've spent time with friends together, and I think this is something we've been missing since living here in Ireland.
So please keep your fingers crossed for me that the trip goes as well as I would like it to. We have all the right ingredients for a great time, so now it's just time to see if the past couple of months in the house together have moved us in the right direction...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Wow...this really will be a test then! I didnt realise you hadnt been around others, as a couple, for 7 months. Sounds like Christmas went well!! Who would have thought that, some time ago, that you would not only have spent it together, but that you would have a relaxing time !??
Good luck tommorow.. I hope it goes well for you.. fingers crossed!
I hope you are so busy having a great time that you forget all about these boards! And then come back and tell us about it...
Seriously, I think this is a great opportunity for your H to make you feel special, and it sounds live every day little steps are building upon eachother. I hope he is a bit protective around your x, so that he will hold you close and realise what he has...
Happy New Year to the both of you..
Optimist Wife
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Thanks for stopping by to wish me well. While in some ways I am as confused as ever, the trip was a lot of fun, and I think it was exactly what we needed.
So I'll try not to include TOO many details, but it’s been a long time since I posted, so I may get carried away...
The first day started off shaky, as there was an issue with the weight of our checked baggage. We were flying this wretched bargain basement airline, Ryanair, for those of you not familiar...The bag that we checked in was 2 kilos overweight, and in order to check it, we had to pay 15 Euros per kilo, and go to a separate desk, pay it, and take the receipt back to the check-in area. The airport was packed, and this meant that we were running late. H got all huffy and said that he'd told me before he never wanted to fly this airline again. I told him that I had kept him informed of every step in the planning process, and that he could have spoken up previously. I felt that he was being pretty immature, but I did my best not to let it impact me too much. By the time we boarded, things were fine. We landed, and were met at the airport by my ex and his GF.
H and Ex got along RIDICULOUSLY well. In fact they have everything in common. Our first night there was New Years Eve, and we had a fantastic time with Ex, his GF (who was very sweet), her dad, and some Czech friends. The next day we went to Ex's GF's mother's house, and again ate a lot, drank a lot, and were treated like royalty. H started acting more affectionate toward me, like kissing me in front of everyone, calling me gorgeous, etc. January 2nd was when I really started feeling positive. The weather in the Czech Republic was very cold, and the local lakes had frozen over. Ex's GF's family had several pairs of ice skates, and we went out skating. The GF was very good, and was teaching me tricks, to skate backwards etc. H hadn't wanted to go and was being his usual grouchy self in terms of trying new activities, but she talked him into it, and he actually said that he had fun (something I haven't heard him say in ages), and asked to go back the next day! That night, we went to a local brewery, and drank ourselves silly. We all just got along so well, and it was a great time. There was future talk about where to live after H does his MBA (though this was when Ex asked where we would be moving), and everything was incredibly positive. The next day H and I took the bus to Prague in the early afternoon, and Ex and GF met us at our hotel later and we all went out to a very fancy dinner. Again, it was great fun. Finally, on Sunday we met Ex, GF, and some of their friends for tea, and lunch, and walked around for most of the day. They then headed back to their small town, and we had the night to ourselves in Prague. This was the only time I felt a bit weird, after everyone had left. It was as if there was still something unspoken between us, and I felt like I was making small talk when we went out to dinner. Nevertheless, the physical affection that he had shown me in front of Ex and the others continued.
I’d also like to note a few things that were great positives for me throughout the trip. One of these was H’s liberal usage of the words “husband” and “marriage” when referring to our relationship. In fact I think that H says a lot of things without really being consciously aware that there seems to be a deeper meaning. At the beginning of all of this, this manifested itself in H saying mean or pained things every once in awhile, by throwing them into otherwise normal conversations. Now, instead he has been talking about marriage a lot, and it’s as if he is spilling out his thoughts. We watch this show called the Wire; I absolutely love it, for anyone who hasn’t seen it…So anyway we were sort of on this Wire marathon before we left for the Czech Republic. We both love the dialogue, and have started taking lines from it, and using them in a joking way with each other. There was one scene, for example. when the police come to some woman’s door and she is very drunk and says something along the lines of “why do you police have to come bother me when I’m trying to get my drink on?” So now we always say we’re getting our drink on…Well there was another line, and sorry if it’s graphic or offensive to anyone, so I’m bleeping out one of the words, but I think it’s too funny not to share. This man, I think he’s a drug dealer, is making fun of marriage counseling and says that to keep a marriage strong, the man just needs to buy flowers, and the woman needs to suck more X…H really grabbed on to this, and now keeps blurting out things about us “keeping our marriage strong.” It’s like it’s a joke but it’s not, and the fact that even says “keeping the marriage strong” in reference to us is a huge improvement. In addition to the comments on marriage, there was frequent ML during this trip, and even last night after we got home.
So, we got back yesterday, and being me I was a bit nervous that things wouldn’t be as good anymore. H had to work from home, and I just puttered around upstairs. Later in the evening we had dinner and watched some more of the Wire, and we talked to each other every now and then throughout the day. A very good thing was that H was talking to one of his cousins about our upcoming trip to Mexico, and afterwards he told me “I think we’re going to have a really good time in Mexico.” It has been so long since I’ve heard positivity come out of H’s mouth, that this meant the world to me. He also told his mom that I am going to the US next week, and she’s already emailed me and wants to get together. Also noteworthy is the fact that when I was looking at hotels for us for part of our Mexico trip, H said he wanted one with a gym, which meant we couldn’t stay at the one I originally wanted. Then he said that he could give this up to make me happy. Such a small thing, but yet it has been SO long since he’s actively said that he would do something to make me happy. It’s as if (I hope) he’s finally finding that balance between looking after his own needs and caring about mine. Last night there was ML too, and H cuddled up really close to me throughout the night.
Anyway I am still confused because H is not wearing his ring yet, has not recommitted, and we still avoid many topics of conversation. I do believe that H is feeling a lot more loving to me, but would like some more security. I hope this is coming…it’s my birthday next week and I’ll be in the US, so I am really hoping this spurs him into some kind of positive action!
Thanks for reading my novel. I will try to catch up on all of your threads later this evening. Today I am going to desperately try to get back into work.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hey ITH ... all positive here, I'm so glad to hear it all went well.
About the ring wearing ... my H didn't wear his for ages and ages. It turned out he wanted to be 100% sure before recomitting, that he didn't want to say all was well then later say it wasn't. I'm not saying that your H feels like this, just saying what happened in my sitch. It did mean for me that when the ring went on again I KNEW all was well. But I tried not to focus on it because to me it was a negative thing, and I was trying to look at the positives instead. I reckon just keep doing what you are and in time that ring will come on again.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Great to hear from you. I really appreciate the insight, especially as our sitch seems similar in so many ways. I will definitely avoid bringing up the topic, and will wait it out and see what happens...
It's just SO tempting to tell H that's what I want for my birthday next week!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Thanks for stopping by! I am always reading along on your thread too. Well done on the gorgeous guy on NYE as well as the H texts :).
I really appreciate the reminder to focus on the positives. I have been forgetting that lately.
Well for my birthday I am going to be in Seattle, and my best friend is taking the day off, and we'll just hang out, and then she is making reservations for dinner somewhere with some of our other friends. It should be really nice. I am pretty homesick, so even though the day will be without H, it will be nice. I have an issue though. H told his mom I am coming. I really like her, but this is all very awkward and she's already emailed me twice...I tried to get her to hang out with my BF and me on my Bday (partially so that there wouldn't be alone time) but she wants to have dinner with me. I am not sure how I am going to approach this as she will of course ask about H, about my summer, about everything...
Well I'll think on how to deal with potential issues, but if you have any suggestions--or if anyone has any suggestions--I'd love to hear them!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I have been following your situation and am so happy for you. Your trip seemed to be a great success!
(I had to change my display name, we posted to each other briefly about one month ago, when I learned my H has depression. You were kind enough to talk with me about that.)
Just want you to know that your story is my inspiration that things can turn around for me and my H.
