Glad to see you back in the mix. I know how it is to get so busy with work that your personal life slides off to the side. Wait- that is partly how I ended up here!
That being said I think you win the award for the best PMA on this board. Don't lose focus of the end goal! My path with my H has been just a different than others, but it seems to be working. I took it to heart very early on that I was going to 'match' what my husband did as far as contact. Every once in a while I pushed the envelope. I guess in some cases this could be seen as persuing, but overall it seemed okay.
Do you mostly wait for H to contact you? Would you be comfortable reaching out to him on a more regular basis? Suggesting a lunch date just to get together and talk? If you have really reduced the negative interactions in your sitch, then I think getting together and acting as friends can be beneficial.
It took lots of these friendship get togethers with my H to make us both feel more comfortable moving forward. The holidays are a great excuse to get together.
I am in favor of doing nice things to show that you care- can you bake him some cookies? Make a big batch for a bunch of friends (afterall he is one as well!)
Hoping you move forward this holiday!
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Because of all the wonderful advise that I have been receiving here I have decided to get my butt back into the game. I texted H asking him if he would like to come over for a beer yesterdat afternoon and shockingly enough within 5 minutes he responded. Not a yes but actually he thought I was asking in code for sex a nd joked with me about not being original. So I told him that I actually just wanted to see him since I haven't seen him in a month. He felt a little stupid lol, put a sad face and said he couldn't he had plans already. So at first I was a little upset because he said no but the positive is that 1. He responded right away and 2. he seemed sad that that he could not come.
I guess it must have stayed on his mind though because he began texting me at 3am while drunk and his friends were still there. Just random 'what are you doing?', 'Did you drink tonight?' stuff and asking if he could come over tomorrow (today). I haven't heard from him yet but I guess the night is not over yet, so we shall see.
You are 100% correct that I do see this as him wanting to take more interest in me. When we first got together we just talked about our days in general. Even up to just before he moved out when we would see each other after work we would always say 'How was your day?' but obviously that stopped when he started looking for another place.
It did seems as though H was begining to get more affectionate before the chilled period came on as he was starting to initiate the hug and kiss good-bye when he was leaving and was much more affectionate during ML, as in cuddling after.
I guess it does seem that backing off sometimes and other times pushing a bit both help my situation so I have to kind of go with my instincts and have a balance.
That's great that you were texting with your H. So he mentioned coming over today instead? Did this happen? Did you hear from him again? Sorry but with the time difference I may be confused on this...
I think it is a very positive sign that even though he couldn't come over when you asked him, he suggested another day instead. To me this demonstrated that he does want to see you. The sad face was also pretty cute :). Keep us posted!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I'm glad that you made some moves, I think they paid off!
I hope you have a great Christmas, you are a true GAL inspiration to me! I am excited to hear what will happen in your sitch next year. I think whatever happens wonderful things will happen for you.
Just wanted to check on how you were doing. It sounds like things are moving forward again with you and your H! I am hoping for a great new year for you two...
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
I was able to spend Christmas Eve with my H!! He susprised me and asked if he could stop by then we were up til 5am just talking about so many things. We did discuss some of the things that went wrong but we did not touch on what was going to happen, it just felt so good to be able to get things off my chest in a civil manner with no fights, yelling or tears. We then ML and he did not leave until later in the morning.
Since then he has been texting more and even responding to my silly no nonsense texts that always went ignored before. He even came over again last night and we watched a movie over a beer and ML again. He slept over and left when he had to go to work.
I am well aware that all is not better and there is still a long journey ahead but now I really feel that things are definalty turning around. I am really hoping for a wonderful 2009!!
