I was sharing these thoughts w/ Bill tonight and thought I would post them here just to see if they would generate some thoughts/comments from others.
I had shared w/ him last night how my best friend had confided in me that over the weekend her husband of 20+ years had said some pretty hurtful things to her. He made these comments w/ no apparent reason, other than he was in a bad mood (my opinion).
I commented to Bill how it is sad that we meet someone and form a friendship, which leads to love and a relationship. We decide to marry that person and spend our life w/ that person. We make vows and promises to one another that we will always love, honor, and cherish each other. But, yet, years (or maybe even months) down the road, we find ourselves saying hurtful things to one another. We find ourselves taking the one person we supposedly love beyond measure and treating that person w/ little, if any respect. Or, maybe we find ourselves being on the receiving end of those hurtful words and actions.
Why? Why do we do that? Why do we allow something we should hold so dear to our hearts become something we take for granted? And, how do we keep that from happening? What do we do?
For those of you that have moved on to new relationships, what do you do differently now to keep from making the same mistakes you made before? Do you feel you are more conscious of your words and actions? (I know I am!) What do you do to keep the "flames" burning in your new relationship?
I think that I would make it part of my daily routine...that is what I am trying to do with my kids, now. I thought that I was pretty good at this before (daily I Love You's, hugs, etc), but I want to get better in the little acts-of-service area, and inexpensive and no-cost gifts - tangible things that SHOWS someone you care and are thinking about them, go beyond words. That is something that I know I could have done more of in my M.
Donna, I agree w/ what you wrote. Bill and I used to be pretty good about sending each other text messages throughout the day and cards about once a month or so. It always made me feel special to be going about my day and get a text out of the blue or to come home and find a card waiting in the mail. Unfortunately, I, myself, have gotten bad about not doing these little things. I still try to send him a text occasionally; but, not at all like I used to. And, sadly, it has been a while since I mailed him a card.
I think it is important that we find little ways to let the other person know we love them and are thinking about them. It doesn't have to be a large, extravagant gift to say "I love you".
I think it is also important to find out what our SO's love language is. I truly believe that in order for a relationship to grow and blossom, it has to be nurtured. It cannot be left stagnate...then, it withers and dies.
My best friend and I were once talking about starting our own gift basket business. The name of it was going to be "More Than Just Words" because we wanted each of our baskets to be made from the heart so that the person receiving it knew that it had been made especially for them....with love from the person giving it.
Communication is a must, also, though. You have to be comfortable enough w/ your SO to be able to share EVERYTHING w/ him or her, without fear of what may happen. But, at the same time, once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back so they must be chosen carefully. We all know that is not always easy.
Thanks so much for the input. It has been an emotionally tiring week for me. My kids are now w/ their dad for the weekend...I have an empty house and too much on my mind for my own good. LOL
