Wow that thread locked quickly. I thought I would change up the title. I thought it fit the situation pretty good.
I called h today and left him a nice v-mail. Basically wishing him a good day and letting him know how the kids were doing. D4 has been sick. Still sick, but I can't miss anymore work so I sent her today where normally I would have liked her to rest more. Oh well!
Didn't hear from h today, so I did call him on my way home from work. He called back and was friendly. Let me know how he was doing. He has been car shopping which is good for him.
Over the weekend, he wasn't going to trade his car in now it's changed. I casaully asked what had changed and he mentioned something about some comment his mom made. I said oh you mean from a long time ago. This comment was made almost 3 years ago.
Then he found himself getting angry and said he didn't want to ruin his evening and that he had to go. I said sure h have a goodnight. He said he would call tomorrow.
Obviously my h is hanging onto the past. The more that we can make changes for the better I think will help my h let go. So if it's not me that he is angry with then it's his family.
I do understand the anger. I do find myself having to get myself in check, but for the most part I have let that go. In order to survive this m the anger has NO place.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
What do you mean by he wasn't going to trade his car in now it's changed. Do you mean, he is now planning to trade-in his car? (And get a new one I guess?)
And when you asked what had changed, he honestly mentioned something from 3 years ago? I don't get why he would be angry if you said "oh, you mean from a long time ago."
can you clarify?
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
My h has been car shopping and if he buys a car he wasn't going to trade his car in. Now when he talked to me today he said that if he buys a car he is going to trade it in.
That is fine that he changed his mind, but when I asked what was it that changed his mind. He said his mom made some comment about the car that angered him back 3 years ago and obviously that is in his head right now.
He wasn't angry with me, but him sharing the story with me was making him angry and he said I got to go. I don't want to ruin my evening.
Hope that makes more sense. He gets these episodes going on in his head that fuel his anger and then everything is triggered from the past. H has explained this to the c. My h is stuck.
That is why I feel changes are important for making new memories. A new car for h would be nice and it forges his thinking in the present rather than the past.
The mind has no concept of time!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Isn't that what I said about no concept and time? My h has no concept of time either. Sometimes he does but most of the time, he does not.
It is weird to me because I am so not like that.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Ok so h calls me today and says I am outside your work. Not like a stalker or anything. I say what, I have a meeting that I am about to jump into.
He says let me borrow your car to go pick up D4. I have the carseats in my car. So I meet h outside give him the keys and he says I'll be back to pick you up.
Now I was dressed really fine. Black boots, nice dress, hair looked good. H says Glam you look really nice. A few co-workers said Glam you must have a date with your h today. They no nothing about my sitch.
So h comes back with D4 and picks me up. S6 and S20 are home. He says I bought a car and I want to go pick it up. I said great h what did you buy. He bought a beautiful black Mercedes sedan. Awesome deal! I would have no problem taking it off my h's hands. I even hinted that to h.
I am glad for him. I think that this could be a good beginning for him and us. His other car just has the memories of the past few years. It will be nice to start fresh with new memories. My h doesn't get too excited over things, but he did seem proud of the car he selected.
He took us out to dinner and he mentioned if he goes out of town that he would take my vehicle so as to not put mileage on his new car. I said sure h that works for me.
He said he would be over on Thur, Fri, and Sat and then out of town on Sunday.
New car! New beginnings! It feels good!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
When h left he gave me a real nice passionate hug and kiss goodbye. He usually gives me a hug and kiss goodbye, but this one was differnt. He pulled me in close and gave me this really nice kiss.
Kind of caught me off guard. It was like wow where did that come from. Maybe just the excitement he got a little passionate.
Got to keep these type of interactions going.
Also h has been really friendly on the phone lately too. When he calls he says something like "Do you like pina coladas" lyrics from that song that we both like. I don't know kind of fun in a weird way.
Not sure what to think?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
