Detach>Worse>Weird>Better ???

[job]

Sophie,
It's understandable to feel unwanted, because your h gives you that impression. The only thing that you can do is let go, let God have the issue at hand. The lack of trust is also a factor in the crisis. Your h really hasn't been as trust worthy has he should have been all along. So, there will be trust issues, but you will learn as you walk this path, go w/your gut instinct and listen to what he's saying. You will learn to sift throught the bs that comes out of his mouth and find the truth that is well hidden in the garbage. You are very new at this and it takes time, patience and understanding of what you are dealing w/to get to the next level. You will learn what does or doesn't work and try different things to help you along the way. The one thing that I want to point out....any changes that you make for yourself, they must become permanent and you cannot go back to the "old" routine. You cannot make changes just to attract his attention or try to get him home. He will sense this and feel very leery of anything you say or do. He's also got trust issues right now as well.

As for Mr. C....it's nice to have a friend, but please be careful. Emotional affairs are harder to break than physical affairs. If you truly want to try to reconcile w/your h, Mr. C needs to be put on the back burner until such time as you are divorced. You do not need a third party in this mix that will cause even more confusion in your mind, heart and soul right now. Learn to fly solo w/your children until such time as you are absolutely sure of what you want to do. Okay?

[Silver Fox]

Hi Sophie,

Thanks for posting. Things are escalating and now for the first time since this all began my dear H is angry. But it had to happen.

And guess what? He NEVER got my counterclaim in September!! His L has some splainin' to do.

Hope you had a great weekend doing what YOU wanted to do and nevermind your H right now.

[Sophie]

Hi Silver...OMGosh...my H was/said the same thing...

Thanks for posting. Things are escalating and now for the first time since this all began my dear H is angry. But it had to happen.

And guess what? He NEVER got my counterclaim in September!! His L has some splainin' to do.

My H's anger has been in full steam, or bubbling beneath the surface for a long time. Usually, now, that I detached....his work place gets the brunt of it.

I wonder if our H's were told by their L's to say that they never got our responses????

[Sophie]

Some interesting things from the H-kid weekend.

They stayed at his place both days, watching movies, snacking, throwing a football...stuff like that. I'm happy he didn't take them to 'fun land', out to dinner etc. They had a pretty good time.

H brought them back here during half time of the charger-steeler game and after a little uneasiness, H made himself comfortable with a beer and watched the rest of the game.

I must have been funny, cause he had a few laughs over my confusion over some NFL stuff.

Later...s10 tells me this:
s10: dad we can throw footballs at our house...there are a lot of trees there too, why won't you move back?

H: it's not that easy

S10: just stop paying for this house and move back

H: well, I found a nice house in <subdivision>, it has two stories, woods, and a basement...AND two bathrooms.

s10 started to cry

H: I'd be closer to you guys if I moved out there.

(((this is interesting...this cheaper house....is better than where he his but is much further from his work. It is only 5 minutes from here though))


H: I'm not comfortable living at your house, I feel like I can't be myself.

s10 just kept crying...then H started crying and they hugged for about 5 minutes.

H: I'll always be near you guys. My moving out had nothing to do with you guys. The decision is between your mom and me.

Okay...it's true the move had nothing to do with the kids...but, it was NOT a decision between him and me!!! I am SICK of being an accessory to his crime!!!

The kids know this.

[job]

Sophie,
It's his perception of how things went down. You and your children know otherwise, so let it roll off your back. You can't change his perception of life right now, but later on down the road, his perception will change and the rose colored glasses will be removed.

Keep walking forward. Do not believe a thing he says and on 50% of what he does.

[Sophie]

You and your children know otherwise, so let it roll off your back. You can't change his perception of life right now

You are so right, Snodderly. It is very hard to accept that a mature, intelligent adult male can make up such crud. He knows I had nothing to do with his decisions to walk out and file a D.

He keeps stating that he did what he did because our marriage wasn't 'blissful' or 'peachy' at that time...and it was not a one way street that our marriage was that way.

I keep telling him I agree that it was a two way street UNTIL he walked out!!

After the time I have spent detaching...which is longer than I let on (at least 1 1/2 years)...that convo ridiculous. It's like arguing that 2+3 = 5 with someone who insists it equals something else.

I'm new at the D/Lawyer stuff...but, I've been dealing with H walking out since april 2006! I fought hard for a year...then have been working on GAL and detaching since Labor Day 2007! It's like 3 to 5 steps forward, then 1 step back...for me. The steps forward increase more and more. I come here right before...or right after those back steps...to keep me away from WASband.

Thanks for always keeping an eye on me