Detach>Worse>Weird>Better ???

[Mach1]

Sophie,

Just remember that expectations can kill...good ones AND bad ones. If you expect it to go bad ? Then it will....

The deal with your children? That HAS to be between them right now. Soooo.....how hard would it to be to be in a great mood and upbeat. SHOW him that you are fine with this, and looking forward to an evening by yourself. Dress your best, look at your watch and tell him that you have to run so you won't be late. Let him wonder WTH is going on......Then go do something for yourself......

All those issues? They are HIS issues......

And even though they are children right now? They will get tired of having a playmate and gravitate toward you....You need to be the rock !!!

[Sophie]

Thanks, Mach...you are so right. I'm just not used to him taking the kids...he is usually Mr. 'disappero'.

I ran my 4 miler today...I feel much more relaxed and am looking forward to a peaceful glass of wine in a couple hours.

I am fighting this insecure nagging feeling of threat...like he is stealing the kids.

Common sense tells me H needs to become a 'parent' sometime...he needs to feel better about himself somehow. Starting with the kids should be a good thing, right?

I feel left out...yet, I shouldn't.

I wouldn't feel left out if we were a family unit and he was taking the kids for the weekend on a fun trip or something. I would be LOVIN' it.

I don't know why I feel threatened, insecure, and left behind...unwanted.

I think I should find more relief in this.

[Sophie]

H called to say he was on his way.

He apologized for making a big 'todo' out of the whole thing. That impressed me.

H said he paid the tax money I had worked so hard to 'amend' the 2007 returns for. That's good.

After he hung up the electric company tried to call...this was one bill he wanted me to take on.

I called him because I didn't want to discuss this issue in front of the kids. They freaked when they heard the electric company message regarding the power being shut off the last time this happend.

H said he was paying it as we spoke.

I hope he did, otherwise, I'll be here by myself with the power out...could he be so devious to get the kids out of here and let that happen to me????

[Ms Jen]

Common sense tells me H needs to become a 'parent' sometime...he needs to feel better about himself somehow. Starting with the kids should be a good thing, right?

I feel left out...yet, I shouldn't.

I wouldn't feel left out if we were a family unit and he was taking the kids for the weekend on a fun trip or something. I would be LOVIN' it.

I don't know why I feel threatened, insecure, and left behind...unwanted.

I do know what you mean... when I leave my H and S15 and go out to GAL there's a voice in the back of my head that whispers "when you're not around they'll realize they don't need you". Silly? yep. That stupid voice puts a damper on my GAL activities and efforts. I'm trying to shut it up though LOL.

Stay strong and don't listen to the voice. It's full of crap.

[Sophie]

Funny Jen

Stay strong and don't listen to the voice. It's full of crap.

Why do we do that? I know my kids know I'm the one...I'm the rock. They think they are going on a weekend like they would with grandma/grandpa.

Here's a good one...s14 does his best to indiscreetly get on his dad's nerves. It started already while they were leaving. I just had to giggle. s14 will do the same to me from time to time....but, I'm used to it.

[Sophie]

The electric co called again...didn't leave a message, so I guess that's good.

I asked H, to the side, if the power would be on tomorrow. He said yes...and got a tad irritated. I don't blame him, it's like I'm checking up after him.

But, after his threats to not pay anything earlier in the week, I needed some reassurance.

I just responded 'I'm a little worried.'

H nodded.

They left...after the boys got on H's nerves doing their usual bickering. I just shook my head and said with a giggle, 'Have a good time':)

[job]

Sophie,
Put your faith and trust in God. You wanted your h to spend some quality time w/the children and it appears that may be happening w/him coming to get them. You've got to let go of some of the control a bit and allow him to work things out w/the children. Yes, he's been an absent parent in so many ways, but you can't hold on to the rope any tighten than you have. Drop it a bit and let's see how this evening goes.

If you are concerned about the electricity, call the electric company for verification about the payment and to get a confirmation that it will not be cut off. You cannot rely on him to do anything when he should.

Drop your expectations to zero and please, please start investigating things for yourself and not relying on him. Checking up on him makes you his "mother figure" in his eyes.

Expectations = Zero
Checking things for yourself = Sophie doing great!
Trusting the children w/him = Sophie trust in God and drop the rope!

[Silver Fox]

Hi Sophie,

Great advice from Snodderly. I know you have to communicate with your H about the children but is there any way you can stop talking to him other than about them? I agree about the "mother figure" problem.

My H just sent a more business type email compared to his last one. He seems to be under the impression that we can pick up where we left off - him discussing the D. Well, I've got news for him - That's not happening anymore. I'm trying to figure out how to respond to his latest if you have the chance to check my thread.

Snodderly, I'd love your advice too!

Stay strong Sophie.

[Sophie]

Hi Silver...I just came back from your thread..

I know you have to communicate with your H about the children but is there any way you can stop talking to him other than about them?

I have always avoided talks about the house, bills, relationship...well, the relationship talks stop last summer...but, he caught me off guard.

I had no idea he was going to threaten me with money and bills. He was getting along so well with all of us...he has had relaxing times over here.

But, just like serving me papers, this bill threat came at a time he needed money.

I think he thinks getting a D is going get him out of this mess....or at least get me to react enough to get him out of his mess.

It isn't going to happen...he's freaking out.

I am so glad I didn't give him any money. I kept telling him all my money was sitting at the L's office. He had to drop the case, I had to get my money back, and then maybe we could talk about it.

H just wanted money. H didn't want to hear of any other possibility.

H has backed off from that during the rest of the week and today...some of those bills were paid by him....and he's got the kids for the first time since, I don't know...Spring???

Just venting...It's really quiet around here...just me and the puppy.

I am dreaming more about feelings for someone new. I don't think I can hold on much longer if someone comes along and treats me like I deserve.

[Sophie]

I was thinking, Snodderly...

Put your faith and trust in God. You wanted your h to spend some quality time w/the children and it appears that may be happening w/him coming to get them.

I'm not sure if I prayed for that...but, I guess I should have, huh?

My outward actions 'let go' and all...but, my insides felt unwanted, left out...and all sorts of lack of trust.

But, hey...the electricity is still on:)

I'm not going to the game. I decided it would be best this time to leave the 4 of them to themselves. I know s14 and maybe d8 would ask to come home with me and I didn't want H and I to deal with that there.

I'm also stepping back a little from Mr C....although, he called today to see how I am. I missed the call. He's nice.