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A Message from Michele
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Trying2Live-Post #5 #1648434
11/14/08 02:03 AM
11/14/08 02:03 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
T
Trying2live Offline OP
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Trying2live  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
Ooops sorry guys. Just noticed we're at 100. Carry on....I hope you all had a good day today.

I am off to GAL gotta salsa class but I'll be back on tonight....

{{hugs}} \:\)


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: Trying2live] #1648462
11/14/08 02:54 AM
11/14/08 02:54 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
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TxMomw/2girls Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
I posted some stuff on my thread b/c yours was locked... now I can't remember what I was going to reply too...

more later


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: Trying2live] #1648475
11/14/08 03:18 AM
11/14/08 03:18 AM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 93
Maryland
F
faithrunner Offline
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faithrunner  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 93
Maryland
Yippee! I missed you girls!

To recap: Hope, you are awesome! That confidence and sexiness you showed H - that's the new, improved you! Your whole exchange could not have been more perfectly executed. It really inspired me. That was a true 180.

All, your confidence was seeping through my computer screen! I think your H doesn't know how to react to your 180's and self-assurance. That's why he snaps and makes no sense when he gets mad. It's shaking his feelings of security in who he thinks you are. That's good, he notices you!

Marisol, I am so sorry you had to see that picture. I ave had those "kicked in the gut" moments and they suck. Like T2L said, let them have their little fog parties. I'm glad you have great plans for Thanksgiving.

I am really proud of everyone. There is real growth here with all of us and that is so good to see. It makes me smile to think about it. It keeps me going. I think about what you guys would tell me to do throughout the day, and it really helps me. Thank you \:\)


Me:33, H:34
T10, M8
S4,S3,S9m
ILYBINILWY 11/07
Separation 1 2/08-8/08
Back Home 8/08-10/08
Separation 2 10/08-
Too many bombs to count:(
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: faithrunner] #1648594
11/14/08 04:59 AM
11/14/08 04:59 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
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hope3343  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
Hey everyone,

T2L I was ready to start the stich but figured you are the leader of the pack! Just to let you know the newsletter went out today at work giving the info about turning employees in so the ground work is set! Will keep you posted.

Now my sister wants to call H. She is upset about all of this. I don't even know if H will pick up the phone with all the guilt he has but I am not trying to control it. detach detach.

Faith, we pick each other up when we are down and give kudos on the good days. One day at a time. I am scared that the D talk will come after the New Year but I can't worry about that till then. They are talking about a bill that is going to go through Texas that there will be a 2 year filing period till D goes through. Right now it is 60 days which is nothing. Texas is one of the highest divorce states in the country and they are trying to slow the rate. I wouldn't mind! In that time period it could really clear a MLC fog.

Today H avoided me like the plague! Not surprised after our encounter yesterday. I think I really threw him by my attitude. Wonder if he told OW. I should see him tomorrow at staff meeting and i also have some mail for him. See how he acts. I also have plans on Saturday night to go to a small bacholorette party. Still trying to GAL.

Also just for fun - I found this crazy web site
"make him pay . net (no spaces), all crazy revenge stories including a pay for breakup service (guaranteed to breakup a couple by a year!)...just for fun... take care all


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: hope3343] #1648617
11/14/08 05:27 AM
11/14/08 05:27 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
T
Trying2live Offline OP
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Trying2live  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
Hope,
Ok girl! During the meeting and interactions do the same thing as last time. NO R or OW mentions. Be sure to be confident, cheerful, find something to laugh about whether its with him or with someone else and leave or end conversation 1st very girly and sweetly and walk away like you are on the fashion runway in Paris!

And hopefully you found something snazzy and flirty to wear and all the while trying to meet and of his top 5 EN per SAA book. Crazy I know. Maybe you should hop on 1 foot, pat your tummy, chew bubble gum and do all the above. LOL And no committing LB's either. OH yeah and MOST important.....NO EXPECTATIONS! This protects you.

You can do this. Keep me posted.


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: Trying2live] #1648846
11/14/08 03:28 PM
11/14/08 03:28 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
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hope3343  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
Hi everyone,
Well older D called H last night to talk. She was down about Thanksgiving. She got upset first because she could tell H was drinking (no surprise football was on last night). But he was in to the total fog babble. She said he acted like an idiot. She told him that she talked to D15 and they wanted him to come for Thanksgiving and he said it would be uncomfortable if D15 was not talking to him. (no because he really has plans at OW house I am sure). Then she was upset because she said she can't believe he could give up the whole family and what he was never going to talk to anyone again -- grandma, BIL, SIL etc. He said it would be awkward. H said he deserved some happiness in his life and my D said then you are the most selfish man I know and you are acting like a horse's a.. with this OW. H said he was never coming back to me. I felt bad for myself and for her but I said this is what it has been like. She said now I understand what you mean about "the fog" and being addicted to the OW. I just pray that H at some point comes out of it. I was sorry she had to experience this.

It is like watching a train wreck and only blowing a whistle. H knows I have mail for him so I will be curious if he stops by for it, otherwise we have staff meeting today. I am saying nothing about D. Should be interesting.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: hope3343] #1648925
11/14/08 04:28 PM
11/14/08 04:28 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
Member
hope3343  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
darn staff meeting cancelled today so I won't see H. oh well.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: hope3343] #1648939
11/14/08 04:36 PM
11/14/08 04:36 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
T
Trying2live Offline OP
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Trying2live  Offline OP
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T
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
Hope,
Awe I'm sorry for Daughter. Yes it's complete fog babble. Mine did the same thing, turned friends against me because he rewrote the marital history, but look who's around all the time, sleeping with his wife. Guess it wasn't so bad after all. I stopped all family and friends from trying to talk reason and be H's conscience because it only pushed him away further in the fog and then he ended up being mad at me because he thought I put them up to it when I never did.

Ignore the fog babble for now. Tell daughter don't talk to him about any of that stuff. She will only get hurt and it will hurt you as well and you need endurance for this. It takes a little for the fog to lift, but the wonderful thing about this is you get to 180.
This is what I have done and I kinda like the changes. H said that I didn't listen to him and one of his EN was conversation, so now when he speaks I listen very intently being sure not to interrupt and watch him very closely as he speaks as well. I figure its a good thing whether or not reconciliation happens or not.

Dump off all the fog he spewed and focus. Be sweet, confident, laugh, and kick butt just like you did last time and don't forget to meet an EN. You can do this. Remember you are filling the love bank and it does not depend on his actions or reactions right now. Regardless of what happens NO EXPECTATIONS. You are the thermostat no the temperature, you set the temperature on how things go. You are the lighthouse and not the lost ship at sea.


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: hope3343] #1648948
11/14/08 04:42 PM
11/14/08 04:42 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
T
Trying2live Offline OP
Member
Trying2live  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
Ok no biggie that the meetings canceled. Might be a good thing after the conversation with daughter last night. This will give time for things to calm down. All the negative stuff has to die down before ANY progress can be made.

Then once that happens a friendship can start. Remember it has to start all over again. what you once had with your H no longer exists and that's a good thing because look where it ended. This give you time to 180 really hard and make some permanent 180 changes. Time to create that new body you had, time to learn who you are again and maybe learn something new.

Remember guys diamonds take extreme heat and pressure to become diamonds. Concentrate on yourself right now.


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: Trying2live] #1649085
11/14/08 06:25 PM
11/14/08 06:25 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 59
Chicago Burbs
A
AllW8SBF Offline
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AllW8SBF  Offline
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A
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 59
Chicago Burbs
So ladies how is it going this Friday Morning?
Well Hope I'm in agreement with T2L probably good that the meeting was cancelled. And despite the negative response from H while talking to daughter, remember he was drinking, and he was in fog. And daughter now sees what you've been saying about fog, so your on the right path, he's going done the wrong one and at some point when the sun comes out and clears the fog he'll turn around and hopefully with your speed walking he'll be able to catch up to you ;\)

But won't you just LOVE the Chase you have - he'll be chasing you, ooooohhhh think, flowers, phone calls, compliments. That's what we are all longing to get back to, and girls when the time comes EVERYONE of us better make sure they give it to us. After all this work we are doing on our own behalf, theirs and our marriages we deserve it!

Oh did I tell you H the other day needed me so bad, to cry on my shoulder because he can't get over the chick who broke us up. He got back in contact with her and doesn't get why she doesn't want him (she says she can't trust him - irony, she wanted to keep up the lie, he came out and told the truth to me).
As much as I probably shouldn't do this, I think it deposits love credits into the bank.
I so wanted to give him the article T2L posted from psychology today, about Infidelity and he fits under the Retarded Love category.

Oh and get this, when we went out for Halloween he said that was our Swan song, well another possible date is coming up and he created it. I said the Cowboys would lose this weekend (I don't really want that sorry TXMOM but I think they will lose because this team was Supposed to win this year) well they haven't and he said it and I already thought it, it's because we (him and I) are struggling - our team is struggling, so I said they'll lose (because we are struggling and until this marriage is on track they won't win). Well regardless of what happens, I get a dinner - nah nah nah boo boo. If Cowboys lose, he buys me dinner at Bonefish, if Redskins win I buy him dinner at Bonefish. His idea - his bet. I get dinner no matter what!
I'm smiling and laughing, he he he. Play the game of love!


Jen
Me 32
H 35
Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs
No Children

1st Bomb - 7/1999
2nd Bomb - 8/2004
3rd A - 10/2006
4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08

Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
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