When THEY let go of US

[MissH]

Cinders, I think you and me are twins.

often lay and wonder if there is ANY reason for all of this...if God truly has a plan and sometimes even if there even IS a God...because, how then, is everything explained? How do we explain the pain and suffering in Africa, the deaths of children with incurable diseases...car accidents ripping entire families to pieces....plain crashes and so many other cruel and horrid things that happen to us...is this all for the greater good ?!

I have been struggling with this very same thing lately. In my history class that I took this semester my professor has even stated that God is man made. I am having a hard time with keeping with my belief. And if there is a God, does he really have time to worry about our marriages when there is so much other heartbreak going on in the world?

I do feel guilty thinking this way too, but it's the way I feel lately.

[brueniap]

Love is difficult Cinders - those who love wear their hearts for all to see - just as our Lord did when he was crucified for all. I learned when my husband left what true love was - it actually is being vulnerable - yet to learn to embrace the vulnerableness (if that is a word) and grow with it. We are afraid to truly love because we don't want to be hurt or have our feelings hurt all the time.

When I gave in to just plain loving anyway - my inner being became much stronger.

Cinder - there is such a difference in you than when you first came here. Your strength shines thru. Many gravitate toward it for the comfort it brings to them. They need you. You have a purpose - you just don't see how you are fullfilling it.

Life is life........and very horrible sometimes for many people. God is here........and he is in you........and because of that, when others are hurt your hand is reaching out to them to comfort them.

We have a woman in our town - who has 2 types of breast cancer - one being invasive and 1 being non-invasive. She has a blog which she lives for where she writes the story of her cancer since it began 2 or 3 years ago. Details, pictures, feelings, stuggles, sufferings unimaginable - and all with a heart beyond any I've seen - and also with a great faith and love for God. She helps many others with cancers or life threatening diseases get thru day by day. She is a survivor of each moment of life and loves all people and wishes only to reach out with love to help. God could reach down and heal her and we all pray for that. Yet what she has done for so many has come because of this ugly, ugly disease. I can't argue with that.....her heart touches my soul and makes me want to give that much more.

there is a God Cinder.......and He loves soooooooo much.......and he shines thru you. you offer comfort with such a sweetness. it is a healing place to come over to your thread and listen to you speak with your words of love.

it does hurt..........

but you are sooooooo loved.......and give so much love. indeed i see God in you all the time. thank you for that



brue

[Cinderellaman]

Brue....

I am humbled by what you wrote...thank you for believing that HE is with me (us)....I think I truly needed someone to take my hand in this and help me through this little bump in the road.

Thank you for being that person !

Much love and thanks for showing me the ray of light today !

xxxxxx

[Truelove]

Hi Sweety,
You are not the only one who thinks that way!

Have a lovely day. (((HUGS)))

[Cinderellaman]

Today two of my friends told me that I am becoming bitter...

I promised mysef I would never become bitter and yet here I found myself listening to what my friends said about me.

Does anyone have the same? Is this normal ? How can I nip it in the bud ? How do you deal with pain and let go of that horrid bitterness? Help !

[Cinderellaman]

Also...they keep telling me H is NOT coming back.

It's ok, because on some level I have been trying to live my life supposing he will not come back, but when they say it it sounds so DEFINITE and I guess, neither I, or them or H can know right now if he will EVER decide to come back right?! All I can do is just live and make the best of my life and my life with my kids ...

[ACJ]

Firstly you have to remember that your friends only know what you tell them. So if they only hear you talk about what you don't like H doing etc they are likely to come to the conclusion that they have. Try not to talk to them about H and if you have to try and make it as positive as you can. That will also help you to feel more positive (by the way this is pot calling kettle black )

As for whether H is coming back or not: Don't think about, don't dwell on it and show the world that you can and are coping by yourself. Maybe thier perception is that the convos you have with them about H is centred around him coming back. Try and change that if you can.

((((((((((((Cinders)))))))))))))))))

[naej]

Hi Cinders I think not becoming bitter is a constant battle, as we try to harden our heart against the pain bitterness seems to result, but eventually it will pass if we make a constnt effort to avoid it.

Hearing friends say "he is not coming back " is different from us saying it, even if it's only to ourselves, because they say it with certainty,we say it with a small part hoping it's not true.
Your right no one knows for sure but for me as the time went by and x appeared just as happy and no hint that he had made a mistake I had to take a realistic -odds on bet that yes it was true he really wasn't coming back. Pity I didn't put money on it cos 8 years on I would have made some money.
I guess I could still say it's possible if I wanted/needed to keep a glimmer of hope alive but for me to heal it had to be a certainty in my head and my heart otherwise I could not have truly moved on. It would have been pretence, a sham hey look at me I have got a life type thing.

You must make your own choices with head and heart when you are ready , maybe you are not quite ready to do that. Your good interactions have given you enough hope to continue a while longer. One day when /if the bad interactions outweigh the good you may feel differently.
The forth coming holidays play havoc with our emotions and mind games result.
You are stronger than you think I am sure.
((()))

[Truelove]

Hi Cinders,
I am sorry your friends think you are becoming bitter. Your friends really don't know whether your H will come back or not.

A GF told me recently that she would not be with her BF if she had listened to her sister and friends. And now they are happy again (OK it was not MLC which is slightly different). So do what you think is right for you to do.

ACJ and naej gave you some good advice.

Have a lovely week-end and enjoy tomorrow. Take care. (((HUGS)))

[Cinderellaman]

I WILL go on battling against bitterness, as it is something I don't want in my life.Hopefully as you said Naej, in time it will pass !

I don't talk to friends about H coming back, but I do feel that if I tell them about a positive interaction, then they assume I have renewed hope. It no longer works like that for me, I am happy for the positive interactions and they may mean we are moving forward as good as we can, it may even bring some sort of friendship, who knows, but I no longer think ONE good interaction will bring H back !

The holidays are hard, I agree ! I want that warm happy family feeling, I miss that. BUT, I will do my best to MAKE that all by myself with the kids !

Oh well, time to go to sleep as I am exhausted from all the criticism today. (not on the board by the way, just here at home)

I AM strong, I CAN do this, I WILL be happy ! xxxx