Thank you so much SG for doing this! So, here's the scoop:
I've been married for 12 years. As all marriages, we had our ups and downs. Two yrs into our M, we found out that we had a fertility issue. We went thru several IVFs and they all failed. I knew IVF broke homes but we were happy it didn't break ours. In 2006, we decided that we needed to stop trying. We agreed to stop dreaming of what we didn't have and enjoy what we actually had. As a result of IVF, my life was totally on hold.
Soon after we decided to move on with our life, I got a job offer in Egypt. H and I discussed together and he was encouraging me to accept. I made it clear that our marriage was my priority. But we decided to try it out for a year and see. The first year was perfect, he came to visit 3 times and I went home 2 times.. We enjoyed every second. Two months before my contract was up, I was offered a renewal. I spoke with H to evaluate our relationship and whether it was affected by the distance. He assured me (and I agreed) that we were spending more quality time together with this set up. So, I did renew the contract.
When he came to visit in June, to celebrate my birthday and our anniversary, he asked for divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really didn't see any signs whatsoever of this coming. I am at totall loss! We talked and talked and talked... Everytime I acknowledged my mistakes and he did his, I suggested that we work on them. But then he'd say "no, we tried before and nothing changed". So, after feeling cornered, I'd say ok then there's no way out and will go for D. At this point, he'd back up and say "no no no, this is a major decision and I wanna make sure I am not making a mistake". This happened 4 times until he finally called and said that this was his final decision. I was devastated. I know that he loves me and he said it so many times. I've been doing a lot of reading since I found this website. I believe I can confidently say that H is going through MLC.
Since he left and went back home (7/14) he hasn't filed yet. He once told me that he didn't have the heart to do it. Since then, our correspondance went back and forth from fighting to guilt rides, to crying (both of us) to friendly.....etc. {if someone is interested in full details, my thread is in "For Newcomers" and it's titled "please help.... Do I still have hope?" To make it short, I was supposed to go home but something happened and I overreacted and cancelled my trip. H asked if he could call and I said No. We've been emailing/texting since.
H is coming to Egypt soon. He will not be staying with me. Going dark didn't work. SG just suggested to work more on trying to establish friendship. This will mean me making a move to call him. And I am o.k. with it. Since all this happened, everytime he offered to help me do something, I'd say no. He offered to bring me anything I need from home, but i said no. So, I am sure he sees that I am pushing him away (although I emailed him several times cheering him up for his biz. achievements. Honestly, the main reason for pushing him away was because I thought he was trying to do these things out of guilt (which may be true) and that it will make him feel better about himself if he helps me out.
I must add that there's a great sense of embarrassment that he's going through. May be not embarrasment but unease. This is with regards to families. He's avoiding his aunt (who's totally on my side) and my parents.
So, now he IS coming in less than 20 days. I feel like I am entering an exam. With him being so far away, I really have minimal time to DB and show him my changes. Off-course, I am dying to have him stay with me because this would give me more opportunity. But I am really not sure this would be a wise move from DB viewpoint.
Another thing is that i know he needs to create a certain DVD. I have most of its material (I think). This DVD would help him with his career. Would this be too much of a move?
