It has been a long time since I have posted and really not a whole lot has changed. Well maybe it has - but not the big things. H still does not live at home, coming up on 6 months. We have still signed no legal documentation and he will still not say outright that he is committed to the M.
He does show a lot of signs of wanting things to work however they are coupled with other things that make me wonder if his affair ever ended. He is adamant it has. However, never once during the affair did he admit to it.
He lives around the corner at his parents house. I see them often so I know this to be true. He is in constant contact as if we have the same marriage we always had(if not more contact). The only thing is everynight he leaves to go sleep at his parents. He seldom if ever will stay past 8:30 and it is almost ritualistic getting up to leave.
There are things that make me think he really wants to show he cares - the last 2 weeks every morning he has brought me a coffee at 6:30 a.m. before I go to work. He has 2 times invited D and I out to dinner in the past 2 weeks that he treated. We have gone out to dinner since he moved out but generally it has been at my suggestion. Both these times he called in advance to ask.
I just can't shake the feeling thought that if he wasn't still attached to OW he would be home and why is it so important to leave at 8:30?
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Glad to hear the caring gestures continue to happen, although I'm sorry not much else has really changed. Sounds like boundary setting is an issue still?
What do you want, hon?
(((((((Snow)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Glad to hear from you again. We were all a little baffled and concerned over your sudden disappearance. I gotta ask the same question, "What do you want?"
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Yes, it is an issue, I mean I guess it is an issue, if that is why things do not change because I am not firm enough to cause them to.
What I want is my H to come home and to be home. I do not want to live my life like a married woman but be alone every night from 8:30 on. I do not want to wonder where he is after 8:30 - even though it would be quite easy for me to find out.
I say nothing has changed but in a way it has - he is so much more the person he used to be. And little things like watching a tv show together are happening that didnt happen for so long - for awhile when he would come over he would sit on the couch and that is it - now it seems more "normal".
That is good I think - maybe it isnt maybe the current situation (that I want changed) is too comfortable.
I really no longer question whether he loves me - I know he does, and I know he cares about me - I just don't know if he is ever coming back.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Slightly off subject: I am going to just say the phone call was my present to you. lol. It was so wonderful hearing that sweet Canadian voice of yours. Happy Belated Birthday again.
Maybe you could let your H know that you can see how the relationship is getting back to normal but that you need some direction as to where he thinks this is going. If you don't both have the ultimate goal of getting fully back together, maybe you need to see if you can deal with that or if it is time to say goodbye.
Hugs.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It's so good to see you're doing as well as can be expected in Limboland...
It sounds like there has been a bit of a breakthrough, but you are wise to consider that if he gets too comfortable with the way things are, he might hesitate to change things!
Could he perhaps take on a little more responsiblity after 8:30, like watch D5 so you can GAL a bit more? Maybe shake the sugar tree a bit the next time he invites both you and D5 out and tell him it'd be great if he took D5 because there is [something] you've been dying to do?
