I am a soldier in the Army and was deployed several times in the last 6 yrs. Wife and I been married now for 15 yrs with three children.(23,21,10) 6 yr ago my wife started an affair with another woman while I was deployed to he middle east. Upon my return I felt something wrong and asked my wife if she is having an affair of course she denied it.I deployed several months later again and my wife started the affair back up.When i returned she denied it again saying she only friend. We moved to Germany and my wife went on vacation back to the states while I was in Iraq again. This time my wife told me while I was in Iraq she was leaving me since I control who she can talk to and she is only a friend. I got into my wifes e-mail and found out the truth that my wife and the other woman wee in love. i confronted my wife and she said she was sorry and it just happen and she will stop.Well now 2 yrs later I found out my wife went to this woman house for a week while I thought she was on a job training. I confronted her while she was at that womans house. My wife aid its over been over and I need to face it. Now she came back and started the process to move out. I made all the mistakes the book talks about by begging crying and pleading for her to stay. she moved out last week and told me she taking my daughter from me to live with that woman. I was afraid got a lawyer and filed for custody and divorce. After my wife found out she as getting ready to loose her child she settled with me for joint custody but still wants divorce but claims she not talking to the other woman no more. I am currently doin the 180 on here but patience is not my strengths and the lonely nights are not helping. I dont know what to do no more or afraid to say anything to my wife since all my words get twisted around since she blames me for her afair. I need help
Garry, I don't mean to sound flippant about this. But I've been through something very similar. It's a very hard road. But don't give up hope yet. Your W is lost. It may sound crazy, but be her hero. Go tomorrow night and see the movie Fireproof. Realize that it doesn't have to be over, pray and act like it isn't. A lawyer will tell you you need to protect yourself. But in reality, what does it matter. Not all peace is the same. This is your W, the woman that you love. Don't give up. I and others are here for you.
Thank you for your support I am here in our house every night wondering what happened in the last few months and pray every night that m wife wakes up and realize what she is doin. She has said so many hurtful things to me that I dont know wht is truth and what is not. Right now I am trying to stay strong for our daughter but this emotional roller coaster is getting the best of me at nights
Thank you for your support I am here in our house every night wondering what happened in the last few months and pray every night that m wife wakes up and realize what she is doin. She has said so many hurtful things to me that I dont know wht is truth and what is not. Right now I am trying to stay strong for our daughter but this emotional roller coaster is getting the best of me at nights
garry,
First thing to try and remember is to believe none of what they say. WAS are hurting and will say anything to deflect that hurt. As hard as it is, try not to take anything personally.
Stay strong bud.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I am glad I have found help on here and now nderstand to block those harsh words and tell myself she doesnt mean it. Since my wife moved away a mutual friend of hers told me that she cries sometimes to her,but she wont tell me details just told me she neds her space to think things through.Right now wife and I only speak when it is about our Daughter. Since I started the 180 I have joined a health club and work out every day but how do I find other activities to keep me busy and get me out of the house. I am going through the roller coaster thing right now where one day I feel good and have hope and the next I am in tears wondering why she did it to me and could hurt our kids in the process. I appreciate any help from anyone
Garry, Go see the movie Fireproof today. It's a great movie about marriage and a good way to get out of the house. Don't give up. Pray, pray, pray for you and her. Focus on your daughter. Be the best Dad you can be. And be good with what you do at work. Whatever you do, don't give up.
Being a Father to my D is the only thing right now keping me sane and focused if you can call it that.What I dont understand is after 15 yrs how can she leave it all behind for another woman. All she cares about that I told her family about the affair with a woman n she cant believe I told hr family and that they all support me and told her they wont accept that lifestyle and she is hurt because nobody understands her
Hi Garry, I read your post today with sorrow. This is more than just an infidelity it is a life change. It is hard enough to put up with OM, your W has chosen a totally different path by choosing a W. How do you convince your wife "not to be gay", which seems to be the case here. This is something that maybe she has been fighting with for years and now she is accepting what she is. You seem committed to trying to save the M. First W needs to get into counseling to see if she has the ability to love you as a man. I just want you to consider this aspect of the infidelity. My prayers are with you and your family.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I am beginning to realize thats what it is. I still think she is fighting with it since now that everyone knows in the family and kids she says she just wants to be left alone an need nobody. Told me the other day she is not gay just feels that way for that woman. What I dont understand how can she think its ok for our kids to do that and hey are just suppost to acept it. Life can realy sometimes be hard and now I am bginning to understand that its not all peaches n cream,no matter how goo of a person you are. I am still fighting with myslef and try to life one day at a time and keep telling myself the kids need you to be srong and I will be the man I used to be and hopefully look back at this experience with a smile and know it made me stronger
Garry, need to get yourself into counseling and your children. For your W to say that she feels that way for that one woman but is not gay makes no sense. I think your W has been fighting these feelings for years and now she either has to accept herself or not especially now that it is out in the open. We all come to these message boards out of need, and the support here will make you stronger one day at a time.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
