First, get some sleep. 12:15 posting! It's 5AM and here I am on your thread. Lying in bed in the dark quiet is my enemy, so on to the gym post-coffee!
I think I've said some of the same stuff as your IC. Forget looking for "openings" or softening of any kind. Don't expect it, don't create it, don't look for it. Save that energy to focus on YOU and your kids. Don't use his relatives for ANY conduit to him. Forget HIS relatives. They know where you live if they want to reach out.
I spent three years hanging on every word that my wife said or didn't say. If she said good morning, I thought that meant reconciliation! They have closed the door on us. They are all about THEM, and we are emotional road kill. The best revenge is being happy and moving on. I don't want to be harsh, but it's not happening. As sad as I am, I KNOW she's not EVER coming back, so I've closed all openings, and it's been immensely helpful for me.
Maybe he will live happily ever after with the bio^ch. But be real. The odds aren't that good. When something starts on the sly, the odds are good that they end the same way.
You're a wonderful, smart person. Celebrate that. Look at him as being sick and self-centered.
As far as his family...I agree, they know where I live. MIL has asked me a few times about upcoming things, like Thanksgiving and a family wedding in April. I told her I won't be there for Thanksgiving, and I don't even know if I'll be invited to the wedding (it is in FL). I think she is trying to wrap her brain around it, too. She's said to me, Don't let them push you out!, but she doesn't really understand the dynamics of it...
Seems like there are two different kinds of crowds: either people don't want to hear ANYthing about the divorce, pretend that it didn't happen, or the rubber-necking crowd, who want the gory details. Its not that they are mean about it, just that I don't think anyone can really understand this kind of trauma and aftershocks unless they have gone through it themselves, so they don't know what to do.
I'm just going to smile and wave from now on
I really have come a long way, and can feel the healing - its been such a trip, though, I tell ya. But now I can look at the whole thing (when I want to, which is a change!) with a grounded mind.
Soooo.......I have this voucher for an hour flying lesson. I have to find a day very soon to try it out - I'm psyched, with the trees all in their full color!! I'll keep ya'll posted!
families..hers now despise me..mine..well they've been very supportive but I have noticed my mom just can't seem to remove the pictures of Kim and I. They are prominately displayed..all the kids wedding pictures lined up in a row..for me to look at when I go over. Mom knows there is now no chance but keeps holding onto the possibility..
Same thing here. I walk into their house, and right there on the wall across from the door, in the middle, is the 8x10 of X and I (he's the middle of 5 kids). It is weird and used to make me crazy; now I just pretend its not there.
They have closed the door on us. They are all about THEM, and we are emotional road kill. The best revenge is being happy and moving on.
FLTC,
You are soooooooo spot on there! I pray Donna finds a guy who will appreciate her inner beauty AND inner nerd!
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Sounds like fun. No real plans this weekend. I'm not playing "noncustodial parent" this weekend. Back to mediation on Monday (ughhhhh!) I visit the other side occassionally!
