This past week I almost lost it. I have been struggling to keep on track and get things done. I realize it's because I'm still not healing yet, still not letting go.
So, from now on I'm going to post about me, my girls, my life moving forward.
My birthday is at the end of October so I've set goals that I want to attain by then. The most important one is
I will get back to being Frank.
I am so overwhelmed with anxiety and pain today. Why? Because of the stress I'm under and the hurt of knowing after 9 months that W really is emotionally gone. I've been this way all week and it has to stop. It has to.
I know that God has wonderful plans for my life, I just know it. I also know they won't happen until I let them. Until I let go.
A lot of the feelings I have are abandonment issues from childhood. I know that now, and I know that part of this whole mess is because of my own self fulfilling prophesies. I'm not lovable enough, nobody will stay with me unless I keep giving and giving.. or I control them.
This is now my life crisis. I've been avoiding that for a long time. I need support.
So, I forgive the past, and I'm focusing on the present. The future will take care of itself.
Yeah. A year from now my life will be a lot different. How long it takes for it to be 'better' will hopefully be less than that year
Frank, You will see that as soon as you stop watching her every move and you begin to take the focus off of her, things will begin to change for you.
As soon as I began to do things for "me" and began to enjoy my life without wondering about my Husband's every move or thought, things began to happen.
I honestly don't know exactly when the changes began, but I do believe that when I truly "let go" I felt a huge relief.
My posts were about me, not what my Husband was doing or saying. I began to do projects around the house, and paint rooms in colors that made me happy. I began to grow as a person, and stopped being "stuck".
Yes, I still had moments of sadness when I wanted things to just be normal again, but the intensity of the sadness was different, I could actually breathe again and the crying stopped.
BREATHE!!!
Sending hugs ((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Frank, You will see that as soon as you stop watching her every move and you begin to take the focus off of her, things will begin to change for you.
As soon as I began to do things for "me" and began to enjoy my life without wondering about my Husband's every move or thought, things began to happen.
I honestly don't know exactly when the changes began, but I do believe that when I truly "let go" I felt a huge relief.
My posts were about me, not what my Husband was doing or saying. I began to do projects around the house, and paint rooms in colors that made me happy. I began to grow as a person, and stopped being "stuck".
Yes, I still had moments of sadness when I wanted things to just be normal again, but the intensity of the sadness was different, I could actually breathe again and the crying stopped.
BREATHE!!!
Sending hugs ((((hugs))))
Thanks BND. Have a lot of anxiety today but it will pass. I really do think that if I can avoid interactions with her I'll do better.
It's the times I do see her when she smiles at me with what looks like her 'happy to see me' smile. It kills me because I believe it.
I'm also doing my best to look ahead, to visualize how I want life to be - for me - without her being a factor in it.
It's the times I do see her when she smiles at me with what looks like her 'happy to see me' smile. It kills me because I believe it.
Frank, I do not understand this..... What if she is happy to see you? You are a nice guy, a good Father, you have been patient with her, so why can't she be happy to see you?
The trick is to see things as they are and to take things at face value. No secret meanings. Don't go searching for deeper things.
So, here is the million dollar question Frank...
Tell me, if this was Frank's world how would you see your "perfect" life?
What is your plan on achieving this?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I know how Frank feels. How can she seem so happy while he is suffering from this whole ordeal. I was there too. My W seemed to be enjoying her "freedom". It was killing me inside. I struggled to let go. Just like Frank. She would come to the house to see the kids. I would make myself scarce. I would either make it a point to not be there, or just stay up in the bedroom while she was in the house.
Eventually, I started to go out with friends. I was really enjoying myself. I could honestly say that I didn't care where she was or who she was with.
Frank, this process takes time. Time can be our best friend, or our worst enemy. You can either wallow in your sadness, or change who Frank is. I'm sorry I can't tell you how to do it. All I can do is offer my support, and provide testimony that it is possible. If you are a religious man, pray to God to help you let her go. Pray to God for her well being. And pray to God to let you move on. In time...
God Bless
PoohBear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
I do not understand this..... What if she is happy to see you? You are a nice guy, a good Father, you have been patient with her, so why can't she be happy to see you?
The trick is to see things as they are and to take things at face value. No secret meanings. Don't go searching for deeper things.
You're right. I'm not there yet. I need to keep away from her until I get there.
Quote:
So, here is the million dollar question Frank...
Tell me, if this was Frank's world how would you see your "perfect" life?
I had it once, or something like it. I'm seeing how I can reclaim it while also going through this ordeal.
Frank, this process takes time. Time can be our best friend, or our worst enemy. You can either wallow in your sadness, or change who Frank is. I'm sorry I can't tell you how to do it. All I can do is offer my support, and provide testimony that it is possible. If you are a religious man, pray to God to help you let her go. Pray to God for her well being. And pray to God to let you move on. In time...
God Bless
That's what I'm doing right now. I only now really started.
Frank, I rarely get over here but saw your thread. I completely get why it hurts you to see her acting like everything is A ok and she is happy to see you. The thing to remember is that she is not thinking like you, in fact you do not know what she is thinking at all.
All you need to do right now is take one step at a time. I know you are a guy but the anxiety worries me. Do you have an outlet for your feelings besides the board? What are you doing to take care of yourself? Would you consider a hot bath? Really, I mean it. Do you have time to exercise at all?
I went through what you are going through now emotionally for 2 years. I got better over all but at that point enough was enough and I started antidepressants under the care of a psychiatrist and and clinical psychologist. It helped and I have been off the ADs for a long time.
Men demonstrate clinical depression in different ways from women and I wonder if that is where you are. I'm not a doctor and would not want you to think I am. But being overwhelmed by anxiety and pain is not a good place to be and I hope that you can get to a better place soon. Wonder
Men demonstrate clinical depression in different ways from women and I wonder if that is where you are. I'm not a doctor and would not want you to think I am. But being overwhelmed by anxiety and pain is not a good place to be and I hope that you can get to a better place soon. Wonder
Actually that's where I WAS when she decided to bail because she was 'done'. PTSD, clinical depression, etc. etc.
I've been on AD's for a few months, and it helps significantly. Believe me, the anxiety comes and goes, but previously it just STAYED and stayed.
I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You say you need to let her go, you need to get back to being you and so on. you are right, you do need to do these things but they take time. you cannopt wake up one day, say it and will it to happen instantly. Then I get the impression that you are adding more pressure to yourself because it isn't happening instantly.
It's a process that will take months and it will happen so gradually that you won't know it until one day you will wake up and realize that it has happened. Take some time and relax. Don't worry about changing yourself, just do your own thing.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
