Ok then.....we have established that she loves her Dad. (A relationship that you have tried very hard to preserve by the way)
Jill,
A lot of what their relationship is based on is what he has spoon fed her. Ok so they are lies, but he has to live with that. You know the truth. There may come a time in the not so distant future when she will want to talk this out with you. How will you handle that? I agree with everyone here. Right now she is processing and probably worrying about her Dad based on what he's told her. You have always been the "strong one" in her eyes because that's how you wanted it to be. She doesn't know what this did to you. She's probably always felt that she had to take up for her Dad to some degree, but I also remember some not so nice memories she has thanks to him. When she starts to deal with everything that has gone on there will be somethings that you couldn't protect her from, and she'll have to consider the whole package.
Don't worry you are her Mother and she loves you. I think you're doing the only thing you can. Give her space and when she wants to talk, be prepared to bare all. Something tells me she will want some pretty tough answers.
I think it feels 'safe' for her to feel sorry for her dad, and stick up for him. You are there unconditionally...whether she disses you, whatever. He really isn't. It's a way of expressing other emotions...lump it into that one.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
How's it going today? You doing ok? Middles daughter was here for a couple of days and I thought about all of our latest discussions about our girls. They are tough little cookies sometimes, but maybe that part of the gene pool came from us. If that's the case we need to cut them some slack. Ya think?
Just been reading/catching up. Congrats on the win.
I just have to let you know, my D16 hated me for filing for the divorce and believed a lot of what her mother told her. D16 really thought I had ruined her life and her mothers. But, I stayed true to myself and finally this summer my D16 saw the light. It is almost like blinders wwere pulled off her eyes and she finally saw her mother for the person she is. Then, D16 came to talk to me and had some hard questions. A lot of them I answered by showing her court documents which don't lie. This showed D16 that I told the truth and her mother lied and manipulated her.
So, I am of the opinion that the truth will come out and your D will come around, she just needs time.
TD
TwinDragon Thread #11-Dragon, flying - evaluating his world.
Beth, Sg, All & BH I decided to wait for my D to call me and she's continued to call every day. I did see my C yesterday and told her what's been going on and she agreed that I'm the safe parent so D's not afraid to piss me off or hurt my feelings because I'll always be there for her and she knows it.
However, I did tell my D that I've seen to it that she has enough money to finish school "this year" and that I'm done supporting her unless she's hospitalized and can't work. I hope she understands because I mean it. She was OK with it and she will be giving me her student loan money to dole out to her as needed monthly. This was her idea. Interesting, that she doesn't trust her Dad to do this for her..............
I think that things are going to continue to happen to her Dad that will make her feel sorry for him. My Mom pointed out that he "uses" our D and it's true. An example is his coffee shop business that he put in her name so that it wouldn't get taken in his bankruptcy. I'm pretty sure that when I took him to court he ended up putting the entire business in bimbette's name so that I couldn't take it when I won.
But..........now, he's pissed me off and I will go after that business if it's the only way to get paid.
Interesting tidbit. Went to dinner with my bro last night. He and X have remained "somewhat" friends. X is giving up his U of M season basketball tickets!!! They are excellent seats. He offered them to my bro. My bro is sharing them with me!!! YIPPEE!!! That was one of the things I really missed was going to those games with my D and now I'll have the tickets if I want them!!! Soooooo, sometimes, what goes around really does come around!!!! I love my bro!!!
