My thread locked a while back, but admittedly, all I was talking about was hurricanes. So for those who don't know me, it's been three years and I am still trying to get over that homewreaker Katrina.
But tonight is a good night. Because tonight is the beginning of the September Retrouvaille weekend here in Tampa. And I will be there to greet the 30 new couples who are going to start healing their marriages. It's just a small thing that I do, helping them check in and carrying their bags up to their room. But they look so nervous and frightened. We graduates of the program go, just to smile at them, and tell them it will be alright. Better than alright. Things are going to be good, and they are safe.
I hope at least one of the people on this site will be there. If not this weekend, then maybe another session, or maybe in your hometown.
So I'll go post a little introductory info, and any questions or comments, or talk about hurricanes, bring it here.
My H and I were married in 1979, almost 29 years ago. We have 3 children. Usual problems and arguments, but as I saw my other friends get divorced and heard their stories, I chose against that for myself. I wasn't particularly happy, but they were even more unhappy.
I was not loving toward him. I decided years ago that I should have married a different boyfriend. But we co-existed and had a decent life together. Over the years we grew further apart, we argued over how to deal with our son who chose to be a juvenile delinquent and was verbally abusive to me. We went to counseling at that point, but made no headway in solving the problem.
About a year ago my husband began an internet relationship with his old girlfriend. That grew into an EA and then in November they took a romantic weekend together. Super sleuth that I am, I figured it out! I confronted him with cell phone records of his calls to her (should have been looking at those all along), and he said he would stop. Two weeks later, I checked the cell phone bill again, and the calls were still going on.
I gave my son her number. If she wanted my job as his wife, she could have my son too! So he called her and told her he knew she was having an affair with his father, and if she didn't stop he would find her and make her stop! Apparently, H had neglected to mention that we were a dysfunctional family. So she decided my job didn't really look too good, and she called H and broke up with him.
At that point I decided that I really did want this marriage. We tried to put things back together ourselves, but it ran hot and cold. Some days were good, some were vicious. A friend at work had just been to Retrouvaille and sent a glowing letter to us all recommending the program. So, knowing next to nothing about it, I suggested that we go to Retrouvaille together. There being no other solution, he agreed to it.
We went to the weekend in January, 2007 did the post sessions in Feb and March and we were continuing to get better. Now the kids have moved out of the house - we are empty nesters, at least for the summer, and life is really good. I have learned to love my husband and he is learning to love me. We are different people than we were 18 months ago. The sex is great, we laugh at each other's jokes, it's a lot like when we were first married. I won't say all the tension is gone, but we know how to approach our problems when one comes up. We pull out our notebooks, and we dialogue on the subject.
I am grateful to Retrouvaille for saving my marriage. I could not have done it alone. In fact, I made a pretty good mess of things on my own (and with my husband). In addition to being here to give my personal brand of advice to those who seek it, and to some who don't, I also try to be a source of info on the Retrouvaille program. The Retrouvaille (Retro) website, http://www.helpourmarriage.org is great because it gives info on upcoming weekends around the world and who to contact. But it doesn't really tell you much about the program. I'm sure there are some people who think it's better to just know the program will help, without any details, and there are others who need to know what they are getting into before they will go. I try to fill in some detail without taking away from the whole experience of the weekend (which really cannot be described). So feel free to ask questions. I will post some of the descriptions I have on my last thread here too.
I just wanted to say what an asset you are to be helping us through our issues. I do thank you for the help you have personally gave me, and also helped me look at things from a different perspective.
Its often that we are so judgmental with eachother, we can't see the forest for the trees. You have always looked at the brighter side of things for us, and I thank you truly for your support and kindness.
:)~ your a gem!
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks, TAL. That's so kind of you to say. I hope that things will continue to go well for you.
Thing is, and I think we all forget it, "And they lived happily ever after" are just words we use to get our children to go to sleep. The real story would be way to long, and not for children anyway. And the real story is the one we live.
Sara, I have heard many people debate on whether or not Retro would work if the WAS was still envolved with OP. What is your oppinion on this? Can couples find the love again if the WAS feels there no longer is any love and the OP completes them? This, of course, is assuming that the WAS will go. Just wanted your input.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Retrouvaille is an intense weekend program, and as you know, there seem to be an infinite number of unhappy marriages. They know they can't help everyone, so they are selective in this way. Before you come, they ask if you have a third party involved in the marriage. If so, then as the doc says, they tell you that all contact has to be broken off first. They are serious about helping the 25 or 30 couples who attend the weekend. They want the couples to be serious about it too. The only other requirement is that they ask you to come "with an open mind and a willing heart."
I want to second tal and say that you are a great support to so many on here. I know you have enriched my life and helped my M with your caring and advice. I wish that Retro operated in England - I would go if I could. The better the communication the better the R/M in my book.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
