This past weekend I was visiting a good friend and his girlfriend down in Florida. During one of our late evenings of drinking, we got into a heavy discussion about relationships. They were talking about some problems they've been having and I was trying to give them advice to the best of my drunken ability. Thought I was doing a pretty good job.
Anyhow, at some point the discussion turned to 'soul mates' and that's when it heated up. I told her I really don't believe in that. That there are thousands of people that could be an excellent match as a partner. I asked if my friend was her 'soul mate' to which she said no. So my point became...
Why would you even consider marrying him then? If you were to meet your 'soul mate' would you then leave your husband? (yes, she would) How does one really ever truly know if the person that they believe is their soulmate is really their soulmate? Who's to say that at any given moment another 'soul mate' might come along and change the situation. How can you ever really be happy if your 'soul mate' may be out there somewhere just waiting to be found?
I figured the major % of people on here would not accept the idea of a 'soul mate'. I'm thinking that for the most part, the LBS is a pragmatist while the WAS is an idealist. Never quite satisfied with the way things are. Always looking for the new, better job / car / shoes. I look back on how things were and am realizing that this was very much my W's personality. Never quite satisfied.
Very brief update... Wife filed back in October. I got the papers this month and sent them back to my lawyer this past week. I really see no reconciliation at this point, nor do I want that. I don't think I could ever get the trust back. We are civil with each other when we are together, but there is just too much crap under the bridge at this point. The only talk between us at this point is about the kids and perhaps a little about money. She is back with OG and has even been introduced to his kids as his girlfriend. It has even gotten to the point where her family has requested that I no longer contact them. This has really bothered me as somehow I'm now the bad guy in their eyes. Okay, I did change the code on the garage door to keep my W out of the house, but hey, she did move into her own apartment. I think it's reasonable that I have some control over when she has access to the house.
Well even before all my marriage problems, I never believed in "soulmates". I also don't think there is only one person who you are meant to be with. I think there can be several. The difference is, you choose one and stick with it. If another one happens to come along, it's too bad...because you are MARRIED. Why don't people get this?? It's really that simple.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
It's been quite a while since I'v posted on here. Paperwork for the divorce was initiated by W back in October and I have also filed a response to that. Not sure how much longer it will take, but we still need to come to an agreement on the financial stuff and haven't even been in front of a judge yet. W is still seeing the OG and is quite open about it. His kids and our kids play together on her weeks with them. He has been introduced to her family and has dinner there, etc, etc. That's all fine. I'm not concerned any longer about what she does, but I am a bit concerned for the example this is setting for the kids. It all seems a bit too soon for my tastes.
Here's the latest drama... My D's birthday is in a couple of weeks. There will be a party at a local, crafty type of place. My D said she wants her new friends (the OG's kids) to come to the party. I have no problem with that, but then my W tells me (via email) that the OG will bring the kids to the party. I almost lost it. I told her that I thought it was completely inappropriate for my first meeting with him to be at our daughter's birthday party. She replied that his son won't go without him and that she saw no other way. She wants to make daughter happy and there won't ever be an 'appropriate' time or place. I replied that she needs to find another way to get the kids there and that if he will be there I will not. And as far as an 'appropriate' time or place, I would think it would be some time AFTER the divorce is settled.
Anyone have any suggestions here? I really don't want to screw up her birthday party, but I really don't think I can maintain my self control if he is there at the party. It just feels to me that it is so disrespectful for her to force me into that situation in front of friends and family at this point in time.
If the child won't go without his dad, then they will have to RSVP that the child can't go to the party. End of story. Your daughter will not enjoy her party less for the lack of any one child. She has several friends she has only one father.
So I spoke with STBXW on the cell the other morning and asked if her BF was going to be at our D's b-day party. She said no. He had never planned on being there with his kids. She said what she did because she was angry with me for even questioning if he would be there.
I don't believe her and either situation is just thoughtless. BF being at the party would be completely inappropriate. Her telling me that whole story if it weren't true is just cruel. I'm not sure which is worse.
On another topic, we've been working through details of a parenting plan. She didn't like what my lawyer had drawn up, so we put together an attachment with a few more details. I put a request in the plan that there would be no sleepovers with a BF / GF on nights with the kids. She questioned it at first, but eventually agreed and signed the document. I dropped off the kids with her this morning before work and picked up the signed, hard copy of the parenting plan, and guess what?? BF was sleeping in the other room. They had just returned from Florida the night before and he was too "tired" to drive back home.
I should have just taken the kids back to my house and had her pick them up after he had left. I did nothing because I didn't want to make a scene with the kids. I just don't understand her rationale or actions. We have a documented agreement with her signature and she already breaks it. I'm sure she'll rationalize that the kids weren't there the night before, but WTF!?! Personally, I think the person waking up at the apartment is far worse. I mean, would the kids really know if someone falls asleep at the apartment? Isn't it much more awkward for them to see this person come out of mommy's bedroom in the morning???
The problem with someone who lies to you is that you can never tell which is the lie. Was she lying before or is she lying now? Eventually you will stop listening to anything she says, because you can't ever put any faith in it.