Just got back from Chicago. All in all it was a pretty fun week. I decided to come back early so I could have tomorrow to get things done. On Thursday I head out for New England to see family and MY ocean. When you are landlocked as I have been, I find I have become very possesive of My ocean when I finally get to see it again!
So last week I talked to ex and was as frustrated as ever. There were some insurance statements that he had reminded me that he needed and I promised to stick them in the mail. Truth is that he leaves me so frustrated by what he thinks our relationship should be that I decided to sit down and type out 3 pages of "telling it like it is". I wrote it and put in everything and more of what he did and why I don't ever have to forgive him if I don't want to. This has always been a theme with him. He hates that I won't say what he did was ok, and everytime we speak he wants me to feel sorry for him and be OK with it. So I wrote this big long scathing letter about how his "road to happiness" was paved with the hurt that he caused to all of us. Further telling him that until he deals with his issues nothing will ever changes. Then I read it over and realized that it didn't really matter if I sent it or not. In fact it was better if I didn't, because just getting it out and mapping out all of the hurt and pain was enough for me. My final note just read, "Here is what you were waiting on. Hope all is well." The End!
Truth is I know the score. In fact, I know it better than he does. I've dealt with it and needed to figure out how much forgiveness I needed to allow myself in this whole mess. Now the rest is on his plate.
Oh I also saw Jersey Boys yesterday and LOVED it! It was really good. I didn't realize that it was a Bio of the 4 Seasons and not just about the music. Pretty Cool!
Bethie, I have had the same thought about writing a nice little letter to the STBX.
But you are dead on, it just goes nowhere so why bother with it. They have to face the reality of it all on their own, anything we say goes in one ear and out the other. Glad you had fun in Chitown, and the ocean will be great....I am jealous.......
Beth, I saw Jersey Boys a few weeks ago and loved it too!! Those actors were so talented and if you closed your eyes you would believe it was The Four Seasons, huh?
Glad you got all that "stuff" off your chest, but, me, I'd have sent the letter!!!! Who cares if he gets it or not? At least he'd know exactly where you stood and that would be important to me.
Beth, I saw Jersey Boys a few weeks ago and loved it too!! Those actors were so talented and if you closed your eyes you would believe it was The Four Seasons, huh?
Glad you got all that "stuff" off your chest, but, me, I'd have sent the letter!!!! Who cares if he gets it or not? At least he'd know exactly where you stood and that would be important to me.
Well I have to say that the adrenalin was flowing when I wrote the letter and it turned into a masterpiece. I didn't burn it or tear it up. I kept it for me because it explained the whole process and when with all that was said and done, I've come full circle. I'll leave it to him to wonder and possibly worry if I will ever forgive him or not. That isn't my problem.
Yes Jill, Jersey Boys was better then I thought it would be and also different than what I had imagined. I lived in Jersey before I moved here and the play made me homesick! Ian, I'll think of you when I'm body surfing and eating lobster. See I do have a heart!
I think we write these letters for us. When the WAS looks at it, it becomes an annoyance; a wall of words. If they cared about how they treated us, they'd change or they would ask. Keep the letter. Good move.
If you're scooting through CT, stop in and say hi!
"Jersey Boys" was a fun show. I never realized that the Four Seasons wrote so many songs. I especially loved seeing a young Joe Piscopo.
While married the effort was always about teamwork, being a couple. In the divorce it's about me healing and getting to a place where I can make good decisions. I don't treat him like a husband since he no longer is. He's becoming cardboard to me.. isn't that strange? My therapist told me that everyone ends up having to process eventually. It's better to do it upfront rather than waiting until later. I can take care of me, be the momma for the kids and he's on his own.
Good job on writing the letter.
Better job in not sending it.
Best job in knowing where you stand and what's right for you!
Beth-- I think we have all written that letter, either on paper or in our heads. Just as they have a predictable playbook, I think we may have one, too. The whole process. We just go through it on our own personal timeline.
If you were to send it, I am positive that his mental gymnastics would only twist it to further justify himself. It never ceases to amaze me, but in reality, how would they look in the mirror every morning, otherwise? Maybe they will come to the realization on their own, someday. I think most of them don't.
