Sweet justice in my opinion. What you wrote brings back memories.
My first brush with MLC came when I was about 10 or 11. My brother and I spent lots of vacation time at the farm of friends. (I wrote of this last week when the farmboy my age passed away suddenly a week ago today). Anyway, I was friends with a girl at the next farm. I often slept over there and her Mom did crafts with us. One day (I was not there), the girl's dad came home from work to see his wife's suitcases by the door. She was running off with the neighbour (farmer we always stayed with) who was leaving his wife and 3 sons. Her horrified H told her that she could choose the suitcases or the kids (D 10, S 8 and baby daughter). She chose the suitcases! 1 devestated neighbour families were left along with 6 children. I would listen to her go on about it to my Mom when we were there. It was awful and profoundly affected me. The next year, the runaway couple were blessed with TWINS!!! Poor twins, that's what I always thought.
Well, some things never change. For those of you who ask if these unions last - I'm sorry to say that this one did. They are still together. Still estranged from their kids. The dad did not even attend his son's funeral on Monday. But, the real question is "are they happy?". And that one is left to the imagination.
I agree with you - we don't want our exes to have more bad stuff since it does affect our kids. I hate that part. I am so proud of my dad and know my kids never will feel that way about theirs.
Well, PTL the original OW is long gone b/c he broke up with her 9 years ago.
And according to our son, he no longer believes he will ever find the "PERFECT WOMAN."
And he told a friend of ours, that is turns out it is MUCH harder than he thought to find someone. And that all the women he meets are only after his money.
He's 55 now, and he's not found the Utopia he believed was out there.
Ahhh Summer - the elusive Shangrala. the impossible dream. Just maybe yours will be on of those who "realizes" his boo boo. Or not. Few would ever realize and also admit it no matter what.
I believe in Karma. But I also believe that it isn't always an obvious thing like a job loss or an illness. It can be regret and disappointment in how we treated the people who love us. For me living with that kind of regret would be the worst.
The consequences and repercussions of adultery and the destruction of the family is a huge burden to carry. And no matter how it looks from the outside -- they are all living with tremendous shame and guilt...and yes, also remorse and regret.
I know my xH has been able to express his enormous regret -- at least, in relation to what his choices and betrayals did to our son.
He has told him of how deeply he regrets all the years he missed out on -- and that he would give anything to turn back the clock. And his guilt and sadness was quite evident at the wedding last summer.
I do think he also feels that about me and our marriage too...though he has yet to find the courage to fully articulate that to me.
I believe it's b/c his guilt is so overwhelming -- and that b/c he cannot forgive himself -- he assumes I couldn't or wouldn't be able to fully forgive him either.
Ironically, my genuine kindness to him over the past 8 years has had a deep effect on him -- but it's also made him feel even more ashamed.
It seems quite biblical...heaping coals...
"BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD." Romans 12:20
Another translation...
But, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. If you do this, you will make him feel guilty and ashamed." Romans 12:20
I also think that no one can ever truly know the consequences someone suffers for their choices that cause pain to another.
Perhaps the most excruciating consequence is that God prevents them from ever achieving their heart's desire.
So that whatever their life may "appear" to be on the surface -- no one truly knows how empty their life truly is at its core.
I once read that when we observe our xH's lives -- what appears to us to be them just "SAILING" along without consequence...
is actually them just DRIFTING! No compass, no course...just lost at sea adrift.
I personally think that is true.
While my life may seem less glamorous. I am not adrift.
interesting... i think i was just mentioning that my x just hasn't had the best "luck" since he left...
last friday, he got his 2nd dui in 6 years... (he left almost 8 years ago). it wasn't even blatant, just barely over the limit.. that would be tough luck.
his latest conquest is a woman from ukraine that he met on the internet. she came for two weeks (we, can't figure out what could be next for the happy couple)... apparently, she's very nice and all, but she doesn't live here! she left on friday to go back, friday night gets caught.. crazy.
i definitely don't wish this on him, and have even offered him rides to our daughter's last year of soccer (of which she's co-captain).. he shouldn't miss it do to this incident.
and, as we all might remember the original ow passed away...
not sure it's karma or what, but as always, my little life is nice and boring...
I for one don't believe in karma, and I have never seen it in my lifetime. I know I will get a hailstrom of different opinions and ideas, but I haven;t seen it, and based on what I have read on this thread, no one else has really seen it either. I guess you just take your licks and go on.
Beth, Summer These are great posts! Really makes one think, I guess its true,just because some of our ex have more financial security and a less responsible life dosnt always mean its a good thing.
Being anchored and knowing the moral, good life you are leading and had led, must be a much better feeling then having to feel guilt and uneasiness every time you look at the kids, or your ex face or have to explain why you are not w/ your family. Wouldnt want that life for all the time shares and vacations in the world!
Last edited by KarenMarieS; 08/13/0809:36 PM.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Being anchored and knowing the moral, good life you are leading and had led, must be a much better feeling then having to feel guilt and uneasiness every time you look at the kids, or your ex face or have to explain why you are not w/ your family. Wouldnt want that life for all the time shares and vacations in the world!
I often wonder about my ex and his new wife. They seem to show no shame or remorse for what they have done. They think they are above reproach because according to them they weren't having an affair. They would both stand before me even now and swear they didn't have an affair. I have to wonder if they've repeated the lie so many times that they think it is the truth. But the reality lies in the facts. He was in her home night after night until midnight or later before he moved out of our home. He was calling her up to 10 times a day before I ever knew he wanted a divorce. He married her two weeks after our divorce wsa final (3 months after he stood in a parking lot swearing that they were just friends.) So it dumbfounds me that they can still act as if they did nothing wrong. So pathetic. Everyone else can see the wrong, but they think they are above it all. And the sad part is that as much as the older kids have accepted it, they still know the truth and think less of him for it. He can never get that respect back. And at some point our younger two children will also realize the truth. They were there and saw it all....they just don't fully understand it, but I am sure they will. And they will have to deal with it as well. So was it all worth it for them? They seem to think so.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
