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A Message from Michele
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Re: Organizing my Life [Re: ACJ] #1667504
12/06/08 07:38 PM
12/06/08 07:38 PM
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BeingMe Offline OP
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Thanks for you assurances ACJ. I hope mine does just go away, but I'm not that unrealistic to think that they would. I had another bad seizure on Wednesday ... a milder one in the afternoon, and then a harder one in the evening, where H had to phone ambulance. Ugh!

Thankfully, classes are finished for the year, and we just have exams next week. The following week we're driving to Illinois to visit D28 ... it's a long 36 hr drive. But, I haven't seen her in a couple of years. We tried to get flights, but our airmile plan has that period blocked out, and we sure can't afford more than $1000 for tickets.

Anyway, hope there's no more seizures this year. Doc has increased the meds to the max, so this is it, or change of meds. Pray for me if you're praying people, please. \:\) Thanks.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." Peace Pilgrim
Re: Organizing my Life [Re: Phoenix_spark] #1668149
12/08/08 01:21 AM
12/08/08 01:21 AM
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Okay, I came over here to find BeingMe ... but have you considered your xw may be bipolar? I have XSIL who is and she goes from euphoria to the black hole.

Re: Organizing my Life [Re: BeingMe] #1668160
12/08/08 01:42 AM
12/08/08 01:42 AM
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Being Me: I just got an e-mail back from Pete. He said he will be looking for your e-mail. So, if you are interested in this project, the address is on WCW's thread to check it out and apply. Pete wants a 500 word submission about why you want to be involved with the project. The site where I found the ad wasn't specific and I didn't realize this so I submitted a 500-word article about my experience walking around for 9 days with a ruptured appendix and how the whole experience changed my life. So, he said a "few" days and any new applicants will not be accepted. There isn't anyone on the project from Canada so I'd say your odds are pretty darn good if you want to do this.

Just my own caveat about your recent experiences with seizures and your marriage -- I certainly would see it as a good sign that your husband is being involved. My own experience, and my surgeon said one more day and I would have died, seemed to be in the arena with now XH deciding he wanted to be single after 25 years of marriage.

I just turned 55 last month and my 50's have been quite the experience. Age 49-1/2 ruptured appendix, peritonitis, toxic shock, etc. 50th birthday H gives me surprise party with video cam including friends all over. Just before 51st BD, XH wants to be single, moves out. Just before 52nd BD divorce final. For my 55th birthday, the first e-mail in my box is from XH wishing me a happy birthday. <big sigh> Who understands MLC?

Re: Organizing my Life [Re: Glenda_aka_kc] #1668172
12/08/08 02:09 AM
12/08/08 02:09 AM
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Thanks Glenda, for your empathy, and also for the info about the project. I sent off the 500 word submission today ... I hope what I wrote is enough. I've never applied for anything like this before, so I just wrote what came to mind. I live in Canada now, and am a citizen, but I have lived in the USA too, and am originally from South Africa. So, been around the planet somewhat.

I've also wondered about Phoenix' XW ... her mental state, anyway.

My H is a kind person. It's one of the things that attracted me to him. My first H was not, in fact, the complete opposite. I am glad that that part of my H stayed around. The worse part of his MLC was his disconnection from reality. He still loved his children, and "cared deeply" for me and regarded me as "part of his family and always will." Weird!

He and my D16 were crying while I was going through the seizure on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday ... aaaggh, my memory sucks), and it broke my heart. Sometimes, I wish I was more unaware of what's going on around me, but the meds prevents that. S21 is more practical and takes charge, thank goodness.

Sounds like your XH is starting to come out of the tunnel, Glenda. Would you take him back if he asked? Or has that ship sailed?


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." Peace Pilgrim
Re: Organizing my Life [Re: BeingMe] #1668233
12/08/08 04:14 AM
12/08/08 04:14 AM
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What part of IL do you visit? Maybe we can get together and talk about Phoenix Spark.


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
Re: Organizing my Life [Re: BeingMe] #1668286
12/08/08 08:40 AM
12/08/08 08:40 AM
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BeingMe, The odd part is, I would probably reconcile with him in some way if he asked but that would be a long way off since I really doubt I will ever be married again, even to him. At least at this point I don't think I could muster up enough trust. He is in Texas for 5 years, I think, and unless this book project (or something else) proves to provide enough income that I can flit around as I please I don't see me leaving Alaska since all the kids and grandkids are here.

WCW, I am still angry but that is as much because I'm tired as anything. I know there is no way to see the future but the way it looks righ now, I don't ever see retirement in my future now. That in itself makes me angry, I have worked for many years, was going to retire at 58, since he will have a pension that will be about 2.5 times what I earn a year -- well, we would have had a pension, it is all his now.

Everything I got in the divorce I ended up giving to the IRS (penalty for early withdrawal of funds) and debtors and it wasn't enough to be out of the debt I got from the divorce.

I live in the fixer-upper from hell (I guess God showed me for saying I'd never live in another fixer upper) because it was all I could afford to buy and the sellers were not forthcoming on the disclosure statement. Yes, I could still sue them and I could probably win a judgment but THEN I would have to figure out a way to collect it. The courts only award -- so, I haven't pursued it.

I work full-time and earn more than a lot of people but I still can't pay everything at the end of the day. So, I've tried a couple of network marketing, actually am trying a third now because one merged with another company and reworked the comp plan so instead of earning $500 a month in commission I'm getting 0, the other one is a good company but has just never taken off for me. So, I did some company auditing as an independent contractor and learned that most of the places that promise a bonus never pay it, and the flat rate barely covers my gas costs let alone pay me for my time.

So, it is how does one go about healing and "getting back out into life" when all one does is work and sleep. Not to mention, I just don't have the desire to move back into a serious relationship -- no trust. I don't even have the desire to get in a 'friends' relationship.

My XH was a very kind, caring person when I met him. He was very grounded and knew what he wanted from life. I think we might have been able to ride out his MLC but we were in a transition mode when he 'decided' what was best for us and that he wanted to be single. We had our loan approved for a new house in Anchorage, and were getting our house we'd lived in for 20+ years ready to put on the market in the Valley, we had been house hunting together and not found anything yet. We were standing in our kitchen and I asked him about getting together with the realtor to look at a couple of more houses, nothing too unusual, and he just looked at me and said, "I don't think I want to be married anymore." I still dream about him, us, our family ... how do you shut that off?

I guess that is one reason I don't visit the BB too often. It is still so hard to see the struggling, the hopefulness, and look back at the last five years of my life knowing there probably isn't anything I could have done a lot differently but it still hurts and it still brings me to tears to read some of the postings here. A close friend recently told me I live too much in the past ... I don't know how to live my life differently from what I am. I don't have the finances to travel or even to meet my friends at a restaurant they go to every Saturday -- so, 99.9% of the time I stuff it in a box, close the lid, go to work, or work on my place and just don't think about it. Day to day is all I can manage.

I hope you join the The Book. I am excited about that. I have a couple of short articles that were published and my thesis -- so I'm nervous but excited.

Re: Organizing my Life [Re: Glenda_aka_kc] #1668675
12/08/08 07:06 PM
12/08/08 07:06 PM
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Hi Glenda! I remember your sitch! I am surprised you didn't get a portion of your XH's pension.

I think I may join the Book, and I hope we get on the same team. It's a pity we can't exchange emails now on this bb, so we could be sure to be on the same team (that's if you want to of course). I have only had a poem published so you're way ahead of me.

I have exams tomorrow ... Liberal Studies. So, back to the books. I need to have an outline of two essays ready. The one is about the difference of the love of God between the author of the Cloud of Unknowing, and Margery Kempe. The second is the reason for the comic scenes in Dr. Faustus.

H is away in California on a project. He left yesterday, so just me and S21 and D16 at home. He'll be home on Thursday night and that's after my last exam.

Hope y'all have a good week. \:\)


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." Peace Pilgrim
Re: Organizing my Life [Re: BeingMe] #1669265
12/09/08 09:40 AM
12/09/08 09:40 AM
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Well, WCW has my e-mail. If you have her's, she certainly has my permission to pass it on. Or, you can check me out on my myspace page ... is there anything against that? I don't know all the current rules since I haven't been here much in the last few months.

EDITED - PERSONAL CONTACT INFORMATION IS NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.[/b]

What happened, a spat or someone get too cozy? I know lots of people on here used to e-mail and call each other.

Last edited by Virginia; 12/15/08 03:11 AM.
Re: Organizing my Life [Re: Glenda_aka_kc] #1669580
12/09/08 06:36 PM
12/09/08 06:36 PM
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Hi Glenda! Not sure what happened, but suddenly we were not able to get other people's email. I was not visiting much at the time either. Maybe it's changed since. Anyway, I got onto your MySpace ... love your dog ... so cute.

Hi WCW! What is IL (probably a dumb question)? I do have Phoenix' email ... we've been at this together for about the same amount of time and exchanged emails from quite early on.

Anyway, y'all!!! Wish me luck on my exams today. EEEkKKK!!!


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." Peace Pilgrim
Re: Organizing my Life [Re: BeingMe] #1669828
12/09/08 10:07 PM
12/09/08 10:07 PM
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Quote:
The following week we're driving to Illinois to visit D28
IL = Illinois

BeingMe, I emailed a hotmail address I thought was you. Did you get it? if not, I think Phoenix can hook us up and then I can hook up you and Glenda. Or maybe that's old now if you found her!

The mods got heavy on the boards and kaboshed posting emails, I think they added new rules too that said you can't do that, and then started banning people if they did. Sure got pretty wild and silly.

Good luck on your exams!!


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
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Moderated by  Virginia 

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