Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Given the title of my thread, thought it'd be a good spot to share the ring story/stories again. ------------------- On 7/25:
I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but after the last bomb (last October), I took my ring off. Put it in the jewelry box. H took his off and it was in the little "cubby" in the dash of his truck for a long time. It made me kinda sad every time I'd watch him throw change or spare keys or whatever on top of it.
I got to where I actually hated my ring. I thought I'd never ever want to wear it again, even considered throwing it in the river, or melting it down and having earrings made or something. Every time I'd happen to see it in the jewelry box all I could think was "Oh great, reminder of the day I ruined H's life and set myself up for all this." I know.. it's not rational.. and I never allowed myself to dwell on it, but it popped into my head every time. I still had some hope for my M but I decided if we reconciled it needed to be a truly fresh start including new rings, if we ever got that far.
Something shifted last weekend. For the first time in a LONG time, I felt like it was "OK" and even good to be married to H. Like I really am committed to TRULY trying again. I've been knowing in my heart that I wanted to but soo scared and tentative. As I know many of you have seen and mentioned.
Monday, I put my ring back on. It felt weird. It's been a long time. It felt like when we first got engaged. Noticing little things like the diamonds reflecting on the roof of the car, ring finger getting caught when I put my hand in my pocket.. just things that I noticed. It felt weird but really good. I can look at the ring, on my hand, and think about my H and be happy. I know this will sound odd to many of you, but those who "get it" will totally relate.
So... fast forward to last night. We've had a good but tiring week. I was doing 50 gazillion things and H came in and asked what the plan for dinner was (in a good way, not a "where's my dinner woman" kinda way.. I know that might not come across well here). I said I wasn't sure and ran a few ideas past him. He took my hand and said "How 'bout [our favorite pizza place] instead?" I said OMG I'm so sick of chores, I know I'll get further behind but that sounds GREAT. He grinned and said "I thought it might!"
We took my car... top down, stereo going, absolutely perfect warm Sacramento summer night. Something that we both love. I was loving the moment, just soaking it in.
H reached for my hand - which he's been doing a lot lately while we're driving places. Almost as soon as his hand touched mine he kinda - I dunno - flinched isn't the word because it sounds negative but that was the "movement." I could tell he noticed my ring. He pulled my hand towards him and looked at it, then kinda rubbed/squeezed my ring finger a bit. Then he said "So you're wearing your ring huh?" I just said yes, didn't elaborate, kept enjoying the night.
Then he says "I wore mine for awhile earlier this week too." WOW... that shocked me. The timing CAN'T be purely coincidence can it? ---- On 7/26:
He's wearing his ring!!!
Last night I saw it...
Me: Hey - you're wearing your ring too eh? H: Yes - it fits. Me: Did you think it wouldn't? (I thought he meant he gained weight or something) H: No I mean it FITS. It feels good. Me: I'm so glad.
We were at a restaurant (I know, treating ourselves to dinners out 2 nights in a row, we're bad!! ) . After that brief talk we held left hands across the table for a few minutes just smiling. I almost cried but didn't, and then our dinner arrived. The waiter gave us a very "awww two people in love" kinda look and smile when he put down our plates. Felt soooo good.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Jak - yes, finally!! I am sooo hoping we don't mess it up this time.
OT - back at ya. Thank you for all of your wise help through all of this.
Kristen - hugs to you. I'm sorry, I know how much it hurts. Mine did the ring off thing twice so far... I know that feeling way too well.
----------- So a lot of people have asked me to post my whole sitch (are y'all crazy or just bored??? ). I finally found the majority of them. I asked the moderators to help me fill in the gaps with the missing ones. I have a feeling that they may not archive all of the forums? I'll keep my fingers crossed. In the meantime here's most of the story.
Actually I think I want to go back and re-read these, at least some of them. Just looking up the links I ran across a TON of advice that I could still use today.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
"H, the texting last Sunday isn't going to make me never trust you again. But you are right that building and keeping trust will take time, honesty, and transparency. Thanks so much for sharing the texts with your friend, it did make me feel better and I hope you got some sort of closure there. Even more important was the direct reassurance and comfort that you gave me — that is probably the best way to respond if I have that kind of reaction to something like that because of the last couple of years. I believe it will get better and your reassurance and honesty is the best way for me to heal. So, you did great and I feel really good about how that all went.
In my own effort to be direct and honest, I really just need to share very clearly that I really meant what I said — I feel violated when you introduce that friend into aspects of our lives beyond business in any way. It really doesn't work for me and it damages our relationship."
) . After that brief talk we held left hands across the table for a few minutes just smiling. I almost cried but didn't, and then our dinner arrived. The waiter gave us a very "awww two people in love" kinda look and smile when he put down our plates. Felt soooo good. 
). I finally found the majority of them. I asked the moderators to help me fill in the gaps with the missing ones. I have a feeling that they may not archive all of the forums? I'll keep my fingers crossed. In the meantime here's most of the story.