my crazy mess part 5 the saga continues!

[christarn]

The following is a link to my previous thread!!!
my crazy mess #4

So now it's time to do more work...as FG says!!

take care and thanks to all of the great people who helped me out thru the last thread!!! You are all AWESOME AWESOME people...I believe their are angels among us...and my angels are sending you guys my way! hugs and love to all of you

hugs
christa

[Bridgestone]

hi Christa,
just stopping by to see how you are after your long week-end of working??

I took my foster dog into the vet today for 'neutering' (a requirement of our shelter) he was soooo happy to go for a car ride.. if he only knew what was coming!! poor puppy!

How are things for you today?
Peace
Bridge

[christarn]

Hi Bridgestone~ thank you for checking in!! Work was....well very entertaining this weekend...I think Jerry Springer could have camped outside of my medical complex's doors and had fun recruiting! We had 3 patients who had wives and girlfriends on the side....oh the drama that goes with that...and one of the wives walked in while the OW was there...she went off. Then we had a family member who was drug seeking...and my list goes on!! It kept us on our toes

My sister is hosting a pool party this afternoon. she is on vacation this week. So I'm trying to get a few things done, then planning to head over there for a bit. It's cloudy here...so don't know how long the festivities will last!

My kids love to go for "rides"...so I can only imagine how your new little friend felt...now the question becomes...how will the pup feel after!!!

Thanks for checking in!!

Hope things in your neck of the woods are going well. Once my "craziness" settles I need to do some checking in on people...this past couple of weeks have just been a tad on the "hairy" side!!! LOL

hugs
Christa

[christarn]

Sandi~

I'm copying and pasting from last thread to this one....I hope I get everything!!! hehehe!! So If I leave something out, I'm sorry...

"When I went back and re-read her thread again, I wondered if it would give her more head-way to allow her H to do whatever he desires to do about the pool and the farm. That would be a "big" thing for her, but she said she didn't want to be "right" as much as being "happy" "

After H and I had the heated debate over "poolgate," I let my thoughts settle for a few days, and sent him a text that stated: "I am ok with whatever you want to do with the pool, I can send a pool company out to assess the situtation or I will send a bulldozer...let me know." He did not respond to the text msg. I have not heard a peep out of him sense the "poolgate" incident. I have sent him a few random texts...just have a great day, good morning stuff like that....and no responses. I have not sent one for about 5 or so days....and still nothing. Don't know what he is up to!

"then do you think he "feeds" off that?" (in regards to my fear)

It's hard to tell what all he feeds off of! He blames and rationalizes every behavior that he can. Everything under the sun is always someone else's fault. No matter what has happened in his life, he always finds away to fault another person. I know I made many mistakes in my R/M with him; but when we talked, he made me feel as if everything was all my fault. He played it out as if he were the victim, I did XYZ, I never did this, I never did that. The old counselor who I saw, said his emotional maturity age was that of a 15 year old(the age when he started drinking/using drugs)so he reverts back to that age when he is under emotional stress....hence all of the "highschool" drama. So him playing off of my fear...what hasn't he played off of? God, I am so sorry...today, I am anti-man!! I'm just a little flustered...If you read the previous post, it was jerry springer at work...what some of my patients did to their spouses this weekend...makes me want to stay single....so sorry for the rampage their!

"It was his big excuse too.....afraid of getting hurt"

I hope and pray it is not just a big bag of BS as well. I pray he is not just stringing me along to watch me suffer/ jump thru hoops as some type of payback....please tell me this poor Amy C. did not have a crazy mess like me; and have a crazy H, who made her jump thru hoops only to wind up in a D...well maybe it's best I don't know? I can't help but wonder if he is just enjoying this whole bachelor thing. He said at one point it was nice having no one to answer to. I thought to myself, how many times did I tell you what you could and couldn't do? But that was well over a year ago.

Ok, Well now I'm feeling like all I'm doing is bashing on my H. So I know, my mood today is in the toilet...I'm going to go shopping, that will make me feel so much better. When I come back, I will try this again!!! hehehe.

Sandi, let me know if you have more questions...Thanks for all your great input

hugs
Christa

[sandi2]

Gosh, you crack me up, girl! I bet you have a very interesting job!! Maybe you should start a book.....of course you would have to file it under "fiction"....right? lol

Well, FG and I have talked a little. He thinks he can help us from the H's side of things. If so, then our side should be a cinch! (lol) Honestly, to tell you the truth......I'm still thinking. I want to hear from FG on this some more. We need to know why your H is acting like he is. If we can know where he is coming from.....then we will know how you need to handle things.

I still believe your emotional fears are somehow related to all of your loss. Please don't throw anything at me for saying that. You know....let me play therapist some more.

Seriously, it really, really got to me what you said about your H being the only one that knew your parents and they knew him and about your future kids, etc. It is like you are hanging on to H b/c he is your last thread of life that ties to your parents. If you loose him.....then you've lost any hope of continuing your parent's legacy by having children with this man that knew them. Am I completely nuts or does this make sense to you?

I don't have to tell you that you have to want him back b/c of who he is and not b/c he knew your parents and visa-versa. I think I would insult your intelligence greatly by doing that, so I won't. So, I will go around another way and ask you point blank.....if he had never met your parents, how would you act around him? Would you feel this desparation to keep hold of him--instead of letting him go?

If not for the connection with your parenst, would you want him back again--or would you tell him where he could go, and never look back? Is he your tie with the past, sweetie? Is it b/c of the link with your parents that you want to have this man's kids?

You said yourself that before you lost your dad that you never took any BS off of anyone. So, why are you taking it off of H? Are you afraid to allow him to make the decisions about the pool.....and everything else b/c you don't really trust his ability to make the wisest decisions? Your therapist said he had the maturity of a 15 year old, going back to the past again and what took place then. That would scare the heck out of me! I would be afraid to depend on the wisdom.....or lack of it....of the maturity of a 15 year old man. I would probably try to take over and tell him that I could have a bulldozer to come out or whatever........and try to make it sound like he was making the decisions. But, he may be smarter than that......you think? Maybe he doesn't like you calling the shots. Heck, I don't know.......I'm just playing a guessing game.

BTW, what happen to the PIA? Is she still around or is he just moving all over the place with whoever?

Christa, can you see yourself with any other man? Making love to any other man beside him? Do you ever fantasize about another person? You don't have to answer all these crazy questions......I am just on a journey trying to get you to think. I'm hoping that together we can figure this "crazy mess" out.

We need FG to come here to help us. (Oh Lord, I never thought I would say those words! hahahaha) If he will get inside your H's head and tell us something.....then we can move on. He thinks he can...lol. We will see.

Last words....thinking out loud to myself......Christa has suffered a lot of loss and pain. Husband is last chance of having children with a man that has a link to parents' past. He goes off in angry behavior and Christa is afraid. She takes his BS that he gives her b/c she is desparate to hold on to him.....he is the last tie. If she looses him.....she looses part of her past and her parents again. Her children will not know her parents through her H's eyes--if it is not him. It has to be him. She has to hang on to him and not lose him! She left him before thinking this through and now she is really afraid that she screwed up and it's too late. Everything she says makes him mad and she doesn't know why. Why is he so mad at her when he was the one that played with old girlfriend? Didn't Christa have a right to leave him? Yes! But.....then she starts thinking about his link to her past. They have a history together. He had a history with her family and that is very important to her future.

Hummmm........am I anywhere close here?

Well, so much for tonight. I'll let you ponder on these things. When is your next appointment with your therapist or psychiatrist?

Are you feeling better health wise today/tonight? You know, I don't think I have ever asked anyone as many questions as I have you! I would ask you what you thought about that, but then it would be another question...lol.

I know this turns FG inside out....lol. But we can laugh. You have a wonderful sense of humor, sweetie, and I hope you will hold tight to that. It will get you through this "crazy mess". That and God! Don't give up.

Oh, about AmyC......she is a tough nut to crack! She was one of the two main people that really saved my M! I had a lot of others to join in, but that gal really came across to help me. Opened my eyes and got my head on straight. You would like her a lot. She was about ready to give up......but I think she is ready to stand......again.

We'll talk later.

Love,
Sandi

[Forrest Gump]

"Hummmm........am I anywhere close here?"

I am pretty sure you are spot on.

OK Christa.. What do we do now?

[christarn]

Sandi and FG~ oh my you two have me spinning!!! Just kidding!!!

I had a bad headache last night so went to bed early! slept for 9 hours yippppppppeeeeeeeeeeee!!! that's really good for me!!

ok, so i am pondering everything that has been said and will be back tonight to answer....I am off to the springer set....aka work!!! hehehehe!!!

one thing...yes, even if H didn't have a clue to my parents, or if they were still alive, I think/know/feel, I would still be trying to save/rebuild my M....and the thought of ML with other men, just is kind of icky....I'm a nurse, seen one too many icky things, male and female.....hehehehe!!!

here is one thing i feel, I would at least like to be afforded the chance by the H for him to see the changes/180's I have made over the past year and a half...if things work between he and I, that would be so super fantastic, if not I know then, in my heart, I will be able to say....I exhausted every option. As of right now, I feel as if we haven't even tried....we just kind of let our problems get the best of us. I know I have talked a bunch of "smack" about him, but deep on the inside outside of all of the crap, the H has a good heart...and did provide a good home and other things for me....

that being said...I'm off to the springer show!!!

love to you both...and everyone else who has been helping me thru this journey

hugs
christa

[sandi2]

Well, have fun. I don't think my job will be quite that exciting for me today...lol.

Thanks for taking time to answer as much as you did, b/c that help. Okay, FG, time for you to step in and tell us why H is so angry. Tell us from a man's POV what he is thinking and feeling thoughtout all of this, even though he was the one that started to.....shall we say "sway" from the MR?

[christarn]

Sandi & FG~ I have not forgotten you two....Long, crazy day at work....thought I was going to throw some of the cast of characters off the "springer set" today....where was "steve" when I needed him!! DAMIT!!!

I worked over an hour extra just trying to catch up paper work and other crap that had fallen behind....yuck!! 12 hours more tomorrow then off til monday!!

I have lots of fun GAL stuff planned for the days off...i'm excited.

let's get a plan in motion....I think the med adjustments are kicking in...I'm starting to feel good again! Sleep is getting back to normal....I am not constantly "obsessing" over the sitch....I am feeling better.

The PIA floats in and out of the picture...I think she represents more of a statement to me than anything....I could be way off on that one...just stabbing in the dark there. Currently she is in the picture...along with several others, this I know.

See the psych. dr again first of sept. and have to call to make appt with therapist...she tried calling me friday, but they just posted my schedule for when she had her first available today....see my family md on thurs...she keeps close tabs on me...love her dearly...she is also religious/spiritual and has helped me immensly thru all of this. The catholic (was married in the church) in me has wants so badly to honor my vows; she reminds how forgiving and gracious our God is...and the catholic church for a nominal fee of oh shall we say two grand can make those vows go bye-bye!! My MD, is catholic as well, but her and I have the same view points on the religion as a whole...so it's realllllly cool to talk with her about it.

I think my confidence is built back after the last sting...so i'm good to proceed whenever FG has a plan to put into play. Like I said...I just want the chance to at least work on this....if after the efforts are exhausted, H and I both look at each other and say....hey maybe we separated for a reason...then I will cross the bridge at that time...but something inside of me, is saying don't give up. I told H during last phone call over "poolgate" if he wanted a D that bad...call his lawyer...still haven't heard from mine...so I'm guessing, he doesn't want one as bad as he says....so how to proceed....

i need to go to nite-nite!!

hugs
christa

[sandi2]

You proceed by not pushing for the D. Don't tell lawyer to go any further with the paper work, etc. I would not even bring the word "divorce" up in the conversation to your H. The more it is said, the more he is going to think about it. That word gets thrown in too many times and somebody's temper will go too far and agree to a D.....then it will be bad.

Hope you have a good day. I know Forrest is working on something. He is not like me.....he is a "thinker". Oh, I think, but I don't take my time like he does.

Having a therapast and a phych......do they stay on the same wave link as to where they are going with you in this stitch? Or, are you seeing the phych for a different reason? Sorry, I know you told me.....just in a hurry before work and didn't have time to look back. I know you said she worked with the medication end of it (at least I think you did).

Anyway, go to run. Will talk later. I was too pooped to pucker last night, so I crashed early.

Take care
Sandi