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TMW, you are a very intelligent young woman and you are not paranoid. Please don't let him continue to do this to you.


Me 54
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Thank you very much.

Wednesday night I went home not sure what was going to happen. I had an eviction notice but I wasn't sure if I was going to give it to him.
I didn't go to him, I waited. He started a fight - I told him if this was an innocent friendship, then show me. Show me the jokes. While showing me the jokes she sent him a text. We fought. I walked away.
He called my mom for advice, she called me to ask what I wanted. She encouraged us to talk. So I went to talk to him.

2 hours later, no resolution. From what he said - I'm not supposed to talk to anyone about any of our private lives. There is no point in us asking each other about our days, because it's always the same. He will relay any important information to me. I need to stop being so controlling and paranoid. I need to stop snooping and going behind his back. I need to let him have his friends. I don't need to worry about his health or finances.

And by me asking him to be open and honest, that means that I'm controlling him and I want to know every single detail of his life.


I explained that I'm paranoid because he's closed off and secretive. He says he's like that because of how I am.

I offered the possibility of counseling - but that would just be another person for me to tell everything to.

*at 1 point in the 2 hour discussion, he told me he was upset because he stopped at work on his day off Wednesday and they all knew what was going on. I told him #1 I didn't call his work. #2 his brother works there and either he told his brother or he talked to his mom and his mom told his brother who ran his mouth.

So after 2 hours, I handed him the eviction notice and walked away from the circle of blame. I tried to break it, and nothing worked. Everytime I tried to summarize what he wanted, he'd make a comment about how I'm controlling, or how things will never change.

I told him - he wants his single life with *some* relationship benefits. I told him to watch other people, see how the interact.


I called his mother to simply let her know that he was being evicted. She immediately defended him asking, "He can't have friends?" she asked if I wanted her to call him and I said in the most calm voice that I don't care, I was just calling to let her know he was evicted.

Yesterday morning he sent me a text that I need to apologize to this girl for messing up her week.
I forwarded her the message with a note that said BF sent this - make sure you tell him I sent this to you.


No reply.
I sent no message to BF.

When I got home, he wasn't home from work yet. I went to a Home depot do-it-herself workshop. I came home and he wasn't home.
No texts, no calls to or from either of us.

I took a shower, and he came home. I got out, dressed and went upstairs to watch tv and go to sleep. Nothing said. Didn't even look at him.



Today I had to call my cell phone provider because they are showing WAY more minutes used than should be. Turns out a number that I thought was in network, isn't yet. Well, I was asked to go over the current charges to see if there were any other phone numbers like this
(I'm with verizon, who bought alltell. SOME alltell customers are in network, most won't be added until after oct 17)
This affects calls and texts.
So I really, honestly had to look.

Sure enough - last night. After he came home from work. She sent him a message. He replied. She sent him 2 messages. He replied. She sent another message.


No idea what was said back and forth. Interesting since she specifically sent me a text saying she was changing her number and she didn't want to be his friend.


I'm just counting the days at this point because according to the court, since there was no written agreement I had to give him a 30 days notice.
I'm dark or as I thought of today - I'm adopting a laisse-faire attitude (it's french for a hands-off government approach). I thought it was appropriate.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Went home Friday - nothing.
Saturday after work he was getting ready to leave, we started to argue again. I told him I'm sick of arguing. I mentioned that he hasn't said anything since I left our fight - he said he tried to knock on my bedroom door Friday night. I told him I was asleep. I suggested we talk now - but that was keeping him from leaving so I told him to just go.

Not sure how many out there believe in or have an opinion of pyschics - but my friend has one that has been very accurate in her life, so I called. Without me saying anything other than my name she told me about getting new pillows for my neck problems and headaches and a promotion at work - she asked if I live with someone and she said I need to boot him out - he's an anchor and I need to be involved with someone who compliments me. She sees BF as a financial drain, she sees him getting laid off - sleeping a lot, trashing the house, bottles all over, having friends over. She mentioned she seen a problem with his right knee (which is true) and said that if/when he goes on disability he'll be satisfied with that and that he's content just getting by - which anyone who has been reading my stuff knows is all true.

She asked if I've been thinking about going back to school - she said I should and she sees me involved with a part-time instructor. She seen me getting into skiiing. She said I do the same thing everyday and I'm bored with life.

She ended with telling me not to make any rash decisions.




Weird. I'm not making any decisions based on what she said, but it was weird and interesting that she gave all that based on my name over the phone.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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I repeat...

Originally Posted By: MsInvisible
TMW, you are a very intelligent young woman and you are not paranoid. Please don't let him continue to do this to you.


Me 54
DS19 and DS17
Married 06/1989
Divorced 01/2011
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Thank you

It's so hard to just stop loving and caring. I can't stop that tiny slice of hope.
I don't believe it will happen, I don't count on it - but I still hope.

I know, everyone in the world has told me and is telling me - I'm beautiful, I'm intelligent, I deserve more and I deserve better.

The heart wants what the heart wants and it's such a struggle. I go through moments of being numb or almost ok and then suddenly, like right now I am crying so hard it's hard to breath.

Thank you MsInvisible for being here. I really appreciate it. I can't keep talking about this to my mom - she worries about me so much as it is.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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last night was quiet. we watched some tv. no talking.
after we both headed to our respective floor of the house, i broke down.

I went and told BF that it's hard living like this and everyone is telling how beautiful and intelligent I am and I should just move on and I'm supposed to be this wall and be stoic but sometimes it's not who I am and I can't do it - i can't just turn off or stop caring.

I followed up with a text letting him know i wasn't trying to make him feel guilty - just letting him know how i feel.


he didn't say anything and i really wasn't looking for him to say anything.


I don't know what's going to happen. The eviction stands. I know that even counseling wouldn't work right now, nothing will change or get better until we both mutually work together and change. I'm open and willing, but I can't force him to grow up- to be responsible and communicate. Sounds so basic sometimes.

i'm so tired physically, mentally and emotionally. i've really, truly got nothing left. all words in my head and heart have been spoken, written, text, emailed. i've tried everything i can try and this really is the only thing left is to just shut down/go dark. i have no expectations, i have no plans. i cannot change anyone but myself.

I wrote today - first time in a long time. it's pretty specific. not sure if it's any good.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Its only over when you say it is. Some of us told you 4 years ago what this guy was about. You know it. You write about it. Your disappointments in him. You don't want us to tell you. But it won't get any better. It won't end till you end it. You need to get on with your life. It is obvious you want someone who will really love you. Plan a future. Have a child. Why do you settle?

No more excuses. No more "my H did damage to me". Stop being a victim. Do for yourself. You will not even miss him. You will feel empowered. When are you going to take the first step in the rest of your life?

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Thanks Sun - you are right, everyone is right. I know it. My head knows it's all true. It's just very hard on the heart. I love him and I can't just turn it off, no matter how lazy or silent or anything else that he is.

The eviction notice stands and will stand. The only way that would change is if I seen a sudden miracle I only hope for (note hope - I'm not counting on it, not expecting it). If I seen a continuous change - none of this "try" and "change" that doesn't happen or only happens for a couple of days.
If he was suddenly communicating and willing to work on things, even consider counseling - those would be steps in a direction.

I know my co-workers, my friends, my family, you all here, hell even a psychic/stranger has told me all the same. And I know it's ultimately up to me and I'm taking those steps - it's just hard along the way

30 days to go


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Bravo! And I truly mean that. I thought you were going to bite my head off for being frank. But girl, you have so much going for you and he sucks the life right out of you. Love???? What is it anyway? How can it be so great when you have zero respect for him?

Time to focus on you. Time to find out why you value yourself so little that you let someone like this use and abuse you.

Don't wait for the miracle - plan on life without him. I wouldn't let him stay ONE minute after I learned of the cheating. He should be out on his ear. His bed - let him lie in it.

Keep being strong!

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I hesitate to write you because it hurts to care about someone who never listens to you. However, I'll give it one more shot.

Here's my advice: Go to therapy for yourself.

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