Fortunately or unfortunately your divorce in today's society is idle gossip among acquaintances. I don't talk about it. If someone wants to ask me, it's okay. If not, I'm not going to make it the center of my life since I believe that paves the road to bitterness.
If you're going to the reunion, you set the tone. How do you want to spend your energy. In the same way that children model after their parents, your friends from highschool will react in the way you signal them too.
Recently while out with a big group of people after a play I worked on I was talking to people I used to know better in the past. Part of me wondered.. should I say anything about my pending divorce? The answer was no. I don't want my life to be about what was... but what it will be.
Have fun.. and look at the bright side... now you can worry about whether you need to lose weight or not!
There is some good advice on here. You are going to have to try different things to find out what works for you.
Me, I am a master of WHAT NOT TO DO. Make your head stronger than your heart. Easier said than done I know. But that is the best advice I can give. Thats what I failed to do most of all.
Accept you are a good person and did what you could, and that there are things beyond our control . Thats what I am doing now. And I hope it works for me.
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
Great advice all. Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time.
I am thinking of LRT in part as my last effort and in part to keep myself sane, move on and be happy.
Gypsy,
It has been a long while. I like that idea of setting the tone. I won't bring it up but if someone asks I will be honest, know that I tried and regardless I am a better person for it particularly for having found this board. I am confident that if things work out our marriage will be amazing and if they don't well then I am a heck of a lot smarter than I was the first go around.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I understand where you are coming from. People DO look at you strangely when you say "divorce." I had no idea in this day and age where divorce is suppoedly common place that I would get the reactions that I have gotten. Part of my issue is that I associate with people who do not divorce. None of my friends are divorced. They all have long, happy marriages (or at least it sure seems that way!). And some of them are even people who have bumper stickers about the importance of marriage on their car and say things like, "well for us, divorce is just not an option." (don't hear that from them anymore, but I used to before everything). So here I am....recently divorced, hurting, confused and feeling like a freak show.
I don't bring it up unless it is asked. And then I feel like I have to give an explaination, which I do. Saying "there was another woman" seems to answer all of the questions. But I still feel looked down upon.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
It's funny. Everyone wants what they don't have. For example, those who are single wish they were married, and then there are an awful lot of married people who are miserable and wish they were single.
I understand the failure feeling about D. But I think it's more an internal thing you feel rather then what others actually think. Yes, there are going to be people wanting to express support for you. Change can be difficult for everyone. And there are some women who see D women as a threat to their own marriage, but overall I think the "failure" feeling is more a personal thing than reality.
We are always our own worst critics. I think you just have to be positive, love yourself and be aware and open to some of the opportunites you will encounter. Don't worry what the married people think. They probably are afraid it could happen to them and that's rightfully so because as all of us here know it CAN!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I think I feel like a failure b/c I feel responsible for being the one that initially walked away. I am learning to be comfortable in where I am now, looking to the future, and not living in the should have, could have mindset. This experience has given me a different outlook on marriages, divorce and myself.
Thank you ever so much for the support!!!
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I don't believe it makes you a failure. You initially were uncertain, needed to work though something, learned a very important lesson about yourself and what you wanted, and tried to rebuild something out of what you previously had. But your husband did not have the desire or the strength to do that. I don't think that makes you a failure. I think the structure was just too weak and maybe it just wasn't meant to be in the first place. Not all marriages can withstand an earthquake.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I feel like I failed at saving my marriage. However, just because I failed at something, that does not make me a failure in my life as a whole. I tried the best that I could and I failed. I have to keep going....
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Thanks for putting it in perspective for me. At this point I think I can give myself permission to be happy with the effort I made. I gave it my all and in the end that is all I could do.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
That is all any of us can do. Try to be strong enough to let him go his own way, if only as an act. The more you do this, the more it will become reality rather than pretend.
Some of us are stronger/more able to do this than others. Jak and I couldn't do it with contact. I still can't, even though I am largely detached, now. I know that face-to-face contact, even phone calls, pull me backwards. I need no-contact or email to keep myself healthy and moving forward. I anticipate that this won't always be the case, but it is this way for now. TIME is the only other thing that works for us all.
There are many different techniques that we all throw at this. It is good to give us focus, keep us from loosing it, make us feel life we are actually doing something. But there is simply NOTHING that you can do directly that will get inside someone else's mind. You can only control you, focus on you, improve yourself. And that is a worthy goal. No matter which way the sitch works out, you come out ahead.
