why does God think I can handle sooo much?

[GKD42]

I have been feeling so frustrated lately, like my H will NEVER return. He hasn't moved any closer to returning to us at all in the 3+ years he has been gone. I have seen some tiny glimpses of the man I married but not really. And that could just be part of his diabolical plan to be nice so I won't be the "evil ex-wife."

A little about me:

My husband and I have been separated since March 7, 2005. He is 47 and I am 45. Our D is 16 and our S is 12. We have been together almost 20 years. He has been with the ow since the end of 2004. She is 19 years younger than him. Can you say "typical MLC?" They work together and she totally chased him.

He has never introduced "her" to our kids (he says it's because I won't let him). But I think that if she REALLY were "all that" he would want to introduce her to our kids. He spends his days off with our son, so he can't be spending a whole lot of time with her. Perhaps that is part of the reason this has lasted so long.

He brings our son to 12:00 Mass and sits with our daughter and I (although he typically turns his eyes away from me at the "Sign of Peace). Our daughter will not have much to do with him (although I continue to encourage her to spend some time with him). She found out about his affair shortly after he left because the gf called my husband constantly.

I am at the point where I think maybe I should file for divorce (I mean change the papers from a legal separation to a divorce). He filed for a legal separation shortly after moving out.

This started about six months after my husband's father dropped dead of a heart attack. My husband was not only grieving the loss of his father, but grieving for lost time he can never get back. His parents were teenagers when they got married, and both his mother and father have had three divorces a piece, whereas my parents were married 45 years before my Dad passed away. So, my husband never spent much time with his Dad. It hit him really hard when his Dad died.

Also, our marriage was vulnerable. Our son has had two major reconstructive open heart surgeries; the first when he was 15 days old. Between, work and taking care of our kids (my husband and I had been working different hours to care for our children), we, I hate to tell you, ended up going several years without sex. I know how terrible that is, and I'll never let that happen again.

Do I keep waiting, hoping and praying? I wish I knew what God wanted me to do.

[lisao]

Welcome and I hope it will work out for you. Read the boards and absorb the sage advice. It won't be easy to follow it at first but it's important.

Good luck
Lisa

[MidwesternGirl]

And some other resources would include the Charlyne Care's daily emails and many are also reading The Power of a Praying Wife which has been helpful.

[GKD42]

Thanks; maybe I need to start re-reading from my MLC and marriage-saving library. lol Within the first 18 months of my H moving out I bought a multitude of books:

The Divorce Remedy
James Dobson's book on MLC
Surviving an Affair
The Power of a Praying Wife
How One of You Can Save the 2 of You (or something like that)
Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue
Smalley's How to Win Back Your Husband Before It's Too Late
Surviving Your Husband's MLC
The Grass Isn't Any Greener (or something like that) by Nancy Anderson (I think)

and several others. (I'm at work now and I can't remember all the books I have bought.)

I guess when I get home tonight I'll start re-reading.

I was just start starting to feel like, after all this time, it's HOPELESS!

Thanks agin.

G

[graceallday]

your story and time line are very close to mine....some minor differnces ill post more later. We are in the divorce process....He filed then did nothing....we have been going broke the last 3 years....anyway I can so relate....just letting you know I know where you are at....I pratically have all the same books too....Lord I wish I had a different life...but there must be a reason for us to be enduring this..

[Valentine]

G, if you want to continue to stand then that is your choice...have you done anything different?

It CAN feel hopeless, but I encourage you to re-read some of your stuff. You will know when it is time to move on if that is, in fact, what needs to be done.

hang in there!

Valentine