Kelly Jo The Wifey new thread.

[The Wifey]

Wow, how did I lock already?

Previous thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1522361&page=0&fpart=11

The wine was blackberry merlot. Arbor myst, a bit fruitier than traditional dry merlot.

I am trying not to solve the h's stuff. I'm just trying to give and love. Thankfully I have no anger. None. I see what I've done and I'm working on changing me.

[LosingSunshine]

Hmmm. Blackberry merlot. If you like the fruitier wines, you should try Blue Moon Reisling, it's an Oregon wine and really sweet/fruity. Great chilled!

I wish my 180 wasn't with wine :-(

Chris

[The Wifey]

Neil,

If we are neighbors we'll have to plan a get together. I seem to have way too much time on my hands. Anyone else in the upstate NY or Finger Lakes area?

[Neilh23]

which finger lake? i'm in chaut. county....obviously right on the shore of lake erie! LOL

[mulesqb]

Hey KJ - Hope you are well. I'm a little down tonite. My W is leaving for the weekend tomorrow with the neighbor's W. I have a lot planned with the boys to keep me busy.

I'm in NY also but a lot farther south than you - about an hour north of NYC.

You are doing great - keep it up! I want to get where you are with the anger - it's inspirational!

I've been drinking these Calypso Coolers I had at a 4th party - they seem to hit the spot!

[The Wifey]

I live very close to Conesus Lake Neil. Just a couple hours from you actually.

Mulesqb, still not angry. This morning a bit sad though. I was good last night but this morning I was crying and the h was frustrated and feel I've messed up again.

I think I'm going to call my doctor for an anti-depression meds. He asked at the last appointment and I said no. I can't seem to get it together. I keep feeling like my best friend died.

Of course, he isn't dead, he just isn't sure he wants to be with me. I felt so good and so sure I could do the DB thing when I went home yesterday. I even did for a while.

Then I got up this morning and I was asking him to forgive me and give us a chance. I know I shouldn't have, and I know it isn't going to help.

[Neilh23]

Kjo....its ok that you asked....just as long as you recognize that it wasn't the time to do it.

us guys need time to process stuff......give him time and space...

how are you sleeping? that could play into how you are feeling? try that route before the anti-depressant meds. Those things are a beotch to get off of....

[Neilh23]

oh, and you NEED to hold yourself together when you are around him...show him the confident you....not the blathering sad one.

when you are not around him, lose it all you want....but not near him. it only makes them feel A) guilty and B) that they are making the right decision

but it's ok. Learn from this.....

[mulesqb]

KJ - I agree with Neil about the meds. My W used to be on antidepressants 2 years ago. She had a VERY hard time getting off of them and I really feel like that triggered this. 1.5 years ago is when she started cutting people off in her life - just took longer to get to me.

I think the best med right now is to GAL and feel good about yourself. Down worry about the backslide - we all do them - just learn from it and move on.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling like your best friend died - I actually told my W that in one of my backslides. I think that's a normal feeling right now.

I'm with you on the sadness right now - let's make a deal - it ends right now for the entire weekend, ok?? I think that would help me too.

[mrz99]

Wifey -

I've done those drugs in the past and they do help ... but all they really do is "deaden you". It also takes a couple of weeks to start working. It may sound wierd, but if stress is an issue, I would recommend drinking green tea. There is a natural chemical in green tea that is a stress reducer. You can actually buy it in pill form (I have never done that) and it is 100% safe and effective for stress. I have found that the tea is just as effective, but my problem was more stress and anxiety. However, I am fairly sure that a large number of people that are given antidepressants could be treated effectively with the green tea. Worth a shot for a $5 box of tea bags.

Be confident and sure of yourself on the outside even if you are not on the inside. Not aloof but an outward sense of control. It has to tough with your H right there, but don't show any weakness or neediness. It's like a trigger mechanism for the spouse. It seems that it has the immediate reaction opposite of what you want. Been there and done that and instead of seeing the caring and nurturing spouse hugging me because I am down and hurting I see the exact opposite.