Catchy title huh? I never understood the reason a thread locked ... maybe you could enlighten me SG. Seeing as you are a moderator. I was going to title my thread. " I believe in Miracles " but then that disco song kept playing in my head. So I changed it.
Is sex the magic pill that makes your relationship perfect? NO~ I know it is not but at the same time it is medicine for the soul of the relationship. It heals all ailments like no other pill could. It fills the heart. it takes away headaches. It can cure depression if done correctly. My H came to bed the other nite and I had just fallen asleep and he wanted some luvin... I told him I was real tired. First time in awhile and I meant it from my heart. I was too tired to give any real effort not b/c he didnt turn me on. I explained I was " in the mood" earlier and he was in a mood and whats more he had company. He said well you can still come up to me.
I replied.. " I know I can but not when you are in a mood like that, and hey I know you are human baby, but when you are like that I steer clear and it kills the mood for me." I added.. " I LOVE YOU BABY... and I love to make love to you but I am just exhausted. You know I am sick honey."
* ( I have Anemia and it makes me real tired and even still , I do my best to be at top speed*)
"You mean so much to me , dont get upset." and I kissed him~ He took over and did the work and we ended up making love.
Different interaction on both our parts..
I * in the past* would have gotten bitchy and told him to stop it.... I was tired and brought up everything but the kitchen sink.
He * in the past* would have gotten mad said a lot of choice things to me.
We would have gone to bed mad, laying next to eachother but worlds apart. Or I would have made love to him or him to me and I would have been angry and that filters thru.
So no my R is not perfect noones can be... but this is like a dream.
He chooses to listen and I listen and we communicate and we know we are both trying our best.
It took a lot of hard work to get here. Alot, we used to interact from.. me? resentment, anger .. then for me trying toooooooo hard and then everything I did seemed "plastic"~ hubby? sheer resenment with a dash of " she is doing this to please me not b/c it pleases her"
I finally got thru to him that it pleases me to make love to him.
And so is sex a Miracle close to it. The sad part is noone knows this secret. Well next to noone it seems. I almost lost my H cause zi didnt get it. he tried to explain it to me.. standing up, on his head and even sideways it just didnt click and when it finally did it was sheer amazement on my part.
I went thru years of absolute pain and agony and who knows what my Hubby really felt like ?
I can only speculate?
A Family almost wasnt because we were laying in bed together and he could have been In Russia and me here and we wouldnt have noticed the difference. So tome sex is a Miracle and one I am still trying to understand and trying to explore. It is so much more than two bodies connecting. It is sheer bliss and a connection so beautiful. Words cant even come close to describe what it feels like. It feels like I have waited forever for him to BE~ this Man. He does for me just what I need and just what I want. The more secure he is the more he turns me on, the more he protects me the more he turns me on. the more he sets me free the more he turns me on. The stronger he is the more vulnerable he is. When he makes me feel safe in his arms like no harm can ever come upon me. When I know he is the last person that would hurt me, when he sees my vulnerabilties and he loves me still. When he holds my heart in his hands and he is gentle with it. When he loves me like a real Man and I am the only one and he holds me in a place higher than himself. When he spills all of his heart into my hands without regret and he makes love to me with an abandon that can only be felt between a MARRIED COUPLE. Then I feel like a Real Woman. I feel sensual enough to give back the gifts he is giving me. Not a tit for a tat. But this sensual flow of give and take when you respect and love another almost more than you love yourself.... I dunno if all Women are the same , I speculate the "recipe" will be different for everyone.
I used to be so afraid to give my H this gift and now that I have given " it " to him without fear ... I can see and feel that he is the Man... the Real man this Real Woman was waiting for .... "it" Is everything that I am and it cant even be called sex anymore it surpasses that every now and again. It is a blessing from God.
Thank God for this place and the beautiful people that are in this online community. You have helped me find myself and hepled me to work hard and get out of my comfort zone and change. And to recapture the sexual Diva I once was and actually surpass who I have ever been. God bless you all.. ~Ali
OK ~ so my H is still in Texas. and anyway he called me yesterday and told me all about his day. Yeah no bigie right? For me this is still a blessing.. he never used to call me or include me. He even ended the convo with I LOVE YOU! I went to bed happy. I miss him alot and he has only been gone a few days. From there he is going to a city 4 hours from here and he will be there for maybe a month. I am actually doing quite well. I thought I would go into nervous , untrusting mode again. I did nicely ask last nite " so are ya behaving Mister?" and he replied " honey , I am not trying to spend a lot of money.. it is not like I am partying."
I said " no , silly. I mean if you are being a good Husband and behaving." He quietly understands and says.. " I am being a good Husband honey~"
I am moving towards being stronger still and having faith in him and also letting him know I am on him and he will have to be the man I expect him to or he wont have me. I will not go back to allowing bad behavior. Or being the sap I used to be. I wont be a bitch but I will be a Real Woman who wants him to be loyal. I am also embarking on a new "diet" . I am trying to lose 26 pounds. MY 12th Anniversary~ is on Sept 26~ and by then my goal is to lose.... @ 20 lbs. So I will post how that is going once in awhile too. That way I am even more accountable. When we were seperated 2 years ago... I was 20 lbs thinner and I liked being that small. But I never got to fully enjoy it cause it was brought on by circumstances that were no fun! I was almost in a size 6~ I hadnt been that small since I was 16 years old. ~WOW~ I am currently a size 10..... so this Goal is not impossible but I have just been busy maintaining my weight and working real hard on my R.
Last time I was doing real good on my health. Working out daily and doing Yoga... he started all his "stuff" and shortly after the BOMB was dropped. So for awhile I have associated being fit and taking time for me with him wanting to leave me.
it honestly was a real fear. UUGGH~ So now, I , no we...... have been getting along better. I know he has said he will be supportive this time. * ( well he was last time too , but I know this time he will be different..... last time he was supportive cause he wanted me to be smaller but he at the same time would get upset if he'd call and I was at the gym)
So anyway this time he will be there for me.
YEAH!~
So I am ready to do this for sure this time... problem is I love to eat.... and we are Mexican. I was born and raised here so .... I love Mexican food and I also love a good juicy Hamburger. And fried plantains with cream.. my absolute Favorite. Makes me curvaliscious but I need to stop that. I need to be a smaller curvaliscious. Anyway enough babbling.. I would appreciate evryones support on this, It will keep me honest and working hard to reach this new Goal~ Thanks, ~Ali
Quote: " My H says that I do not show him I love him and by that he means physical touch and ML.. while we are intimate he says he does not ever feel me present except for when ... Ive had a few drinks...."
Here's how I feel about W not being able to be intimate. I feel like I have a disease, like I'm not good enough for her, like there's something wrong with me, like she does'nt like me or love me, like I'm shackeled and stuck in a cage that I can't get out of. It makes me want to D her, and go find a woman that'll want to have sex with me. A woman that enjoy's a good orgasm, and isn't afraid to show it. You see, one of the biggest turn on's for a guy, is a woman who's turned on. It's not a porno kind of thing, it's a sharing of the love thing. It's a communication that is deep and very hard to describe, but it lets us guys know that we are needed, loved, and appreciated, like a warm piece of fresh baked apple pie. We come away with the satisfaction of knowing that our woman just recieved the fullest of the love we can possibly deliver.
Being refused good sex is the ultimate rejection. It's like a kid pouring his soul into a work of art, or writing beautiful story, and being super excited to show it to his mom, only to find mom uninterested or not even care to see it. Makes you just want to tear it up and throw it away.
Personally, it's the cruelest thing I've ever had to face. I'd much rather have her be rude, ugly, short tempered, air headed, etc. Just about anything but frigid. IMHO, if you want to stay M, and you don't want H to go find OW, then enjoy a nice glass of wine every evening, and then enjoy a good poke from your H! Now that's livin lady!
Quote: "I will admit that I try so very hard not to think about anything ( the OW the past and my insecurities) but showing him the great love I have for him and yet I seem to fall short and if you remember he has her name tattoed on his chest,, so I thought I was giving im the best of me and hiding the rest but he clearly feels my guardedness,,, "
Well I'm sure I'd feel a little weird seeing OW name on him, but it's just sex OK? He made a dumb mistake with the tatoo. Just enjoy the sex! Cut loose and give that man, and yourself, the sex of a lifetime. Then call my W and tell her how she ought to do the same for her H.
Sex should not get mixed up in personal differences. It should be like brushing your teeth, you do it every day no matter if you're mad or sad or whatever. Don't get it mixed up with all the other confusing emotions that are runnin around. Just have a glass of wine, dance naked in front of the mirror, whatever you need to get you a little warm, and then give that man the whole of you! Teach him how to bring you to climax like only YOU know how to climax and scream outloud how good it feels.
It's a blessing from God to you and your H. Keeping your H from good sex, is keeping him from one of the greatest blessings that God has given a M.
To hell with the OW, that's over and done with. This is your opportunity to show your man that you're better than that OW could ever be. You want to mope around feeling sorry for yourself and witholding your gifts then so be it. Be a slave to your feelings and see how far that gets you.
I suggest it's time you teach your man a lesson, right there under the covers.
God Bless Your Love Making,
COG This was posted to me On February 7, 2007
I weeped when I read this. Today when I read it it doesnt get that strong of a reaction from me. But back then Cogs words hit me hard. I had posted on his thread in SSM~ if he wouldnt mind telling me how it made him feel personally when his Wife didnt ML to him. This was his response. We became cyber friends after that. He helped me so much! I can never thank him enough. He started the ball rolling and still it is a year and some later and my H and I are now just enjoying ourselves like God wants~ All my best, ~Ali
Good luck on your "smaller curvilicious" diet! You can do it honey...just stick to it day after day. If you blow it one day, forgive yourself but make it only ONE day and get back on track after that, no excuses.
Thank you for journaling here, and please keep it up!
I see that I have grown.. no doubt about that . but I also see that when my H is around and I am being his WIFE. I am more focused on him than me. And when he is gone ... I cant stop thinking about ways to be sexual with him. IE~ Wink at him and touch myself inappropriately with a come hither look. Like a seductive Woman. And then **** the living daylights out of him. Not everyday , but more often than not.
So I am much "better" but how do I further turn off this switch?
I wanna just be the real raw, sensual , seductive, fun , daring unpredictable me. Like I was when we met. I get glimpses of it more when he isnt here and I think about him. WTF? I used to be real bad... when he was home I went on full GOOD WIFE MODE. Stepford WIFE like .. cooking , cleaning... everything but what really I need or my H needed. YUck..... Help~
My H has been gone for a few days and I have had time to really think this thru. Any thoughts would be so appreciated... ~Ali
I don't think I've posted to you before, but I have read your story and I am truly in awe. You are truly a strong woman and you understand I think what many men and women do not - that a real life involves real experiences and real pain. That's not to say that I condone your husband's past bad behaviour. I don't. But you have used that very difficult period in your marriage to discover so much more about yourself. And then you've gifted your husband with it. Amazing.
I hope your husband realises how damn lucky he is to be married to a woman like you. Do not let him take you for granted.
However, there is some advice I would like to give you:
"but I also see that when my H is around and I am being his WIFE. I am more focused on him than me. And when he is gone ... I cant stop thinking about ways to be sexual with him. IE~Wink at him and touch myself inappropriately with a come hither look. Like a seductive Woman. And then **** the living daylights out of him. Not everyday , but more often than not. So I am much "better" but how do I further turn off this switch? I wanna just be the real raw, sensual , seductive, fun , daring unpredictable me. Like I was when we met. I get glimpses of it more when he isnt here and I think about him. WTF?"
(1) Do not make your husband the centre of your life. You must still come first, him second even if only close behind! You were not put on this Earth just to please him, but to please yourself and through that be able to please him. Did you give up your work?
(2) Do not let your understandable desire to sexually please and fulfil him (and of course yourself) become an obsession. Sexual desire cannot run on an empty tank. So think of and do other things as well.
(3) As part of that, perhaps you should do some creative and sensual pastime you've always wanted to - maybe some theatre or music or dance or painting (or anything else that catches your imagination). Really. You are a busy mother and wife, but you must do something to feed your soul as well i.e. YOU. Maybe this is what will feed your "raw, sensual...unpredictable" side?!?
(4) Do not chase the girl you once were, the one that first met your husband. She is gone. She cannot be recaptured. But that is good. She has grown into the woman you are today. Much more experienced, more aware of her sensuality and sexuality, and far stronger. Able to forgive her husband and still love him. Why do you need to go back? We all grow old and change, Ali. That's a certainty. Learn to embrace that fact with the same courage you have embraced everything else in your life.
(5) The "switch" you need to turn off is the one to your incessant worrying! Stop worrying about everything and get on with living. Now. Just go ahead and be the best and most passionate woman you can be. The lover/wife/mother thing will follow naturally. Even those things cannot guarantee the future of your marriage. There are no guarantees. But you already know that - right? You worry instead about what you will do if or when this current good period in your life comes to an end - right? The answer is that you will cope - admirably and courageously as you already have in the past. You have done great and you will carry on doing great!
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
We lock threads when we notice them somewhere after 100 posts. (You can see some get way larger than that until we get to it.)
It keeps the mechanics of the board moving more smoothly.....if too many get too large, they board moves slowly. I don't understand it beyond that. 100 is the magic number....probably by a decision.
So....when I'm on a forum, and I notice active threads (1st page or 2) over 100 posts, I lock them.
Hope that helps.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Thanks S & A.. Your post will not soon be forgotten. you brought tears to my eyes... Just the answer(S) I have been looking for. And no I dont believe you have ever posted to me. .... but I have read many of your posts to others. You have a blessing... a way with words... and an intelligence I admire. God bless You, ~Ali
You know what Ali, your daughter and my mom share the same birthday! I hope you and your D had as good a day as we had with mom, she just turned 82.
I think that sex is a gift from God that produces miracles. We receive the miracle of our children through this gift. It can also connect a husband and wife in a way that can take their relationship to a rich level of understanding one another, really knowing how deep their love is for each other. And also, as you know, reconnecting them.
I'm so glad that I decided to join this forum. It has given me the opportunity to have wonderful people like you touch my life. Thanks for being here and sharing with us all Ali.
