Wow, apparently Whatis is now able to give decent advice on surviving! I guess when you're able to give advice it means you've moved to a good place So, I will continue, seeing as how I'm on a roll! After you've been burned badly, as most of us here have been, it's very difficult to feel significant. My STBX spent years pounding into me that I wasn't significant, that I wasn't desirable...you know the rest! Yesterday, I attended church and bible study and I realized again how incredible it is to be part of a place that says YOU'RE SIGNIFICANT. While you're rebuilding your own identity and feelings of self worth this is so empowering to feel. I went to the morning bible study and it ended about 20 minutes before the church service, so I went to my normal seat and waited. During that 20 minutes I counted 12 people who approached me to greet me, inquire about me etc. and/or introduce themselves. It just amazes me that so many people took the time to say, in a small way, "you're significant". When I left early to go pick up my girls there was a tent set up outside to serve hotdogs and hamburgers, as Canada Day is approaching here. I waved at a Prayer group buddy who was helping set up. I told him I couldn't stay as I had to pick up the girls, so he took me to the stand and asked the servers to give me hotdogs to take for myself and my girls. The server wasn't sure whether she should or not, as the service was not over but my friend politely insisted "Brother Whatis really has to go so it'll be OK to start a little early for him" So off I went with lunch for the kids. Again, this man said through his actions "you are significant". It matters folks, look for places such as this where you feel cared for, it's worth the initial discomfort of seeking out a "happy place". So those are my gems for today! Btw, the DB site is one of those wonderful places too!
Wonderful things can happen Wii, when we are not too stubborn to reach out to a couple of sets of good clean hands that are ready to pull us out of the mud.
It's amazing, the number of people that will be there for you if you actually let them be! They may not even know about your sitch but to treated like a respected human being is pretty special I had a a really good weekend. I saw my woman friend this weekend as we took our kids to a movie and dinner. STBX invited me and the kids over for a BBQ and afterwards we went to see fireworks. It was all quite pleasant! Sometimes I toy with the idea that I was way too easy with this woman. I was so caught up in trying to save what was left of the family and building a co-operative post M relationship that I made the separation too easy for her. On the other hand, forgiveness and moving on is darn important too! When I think this way, I remember Christ's example. When he rose from the dead he didn't come back and say to the disciples "alright guys, it's time to kick some butt, first we'll do those Jewish leaders that had me busted, next that creep Pilate and we'll finish off with those buggers that were sticking spears in my side" he didn't give any of them a second thought! He carried on with what was important to him and his kingdom. There was no revenge, hurt feelings etc he just carried on building what was good. I hope I can do just a little of that in my life! Today I had an intersting surprise. My co-worker and I were talking in the parking lot (I know, bad place for guys to be!) and in wheels a car and the driver honks and waves. I asked my co-worker "who the heck is that?" and he replied "it's Plant Lady". She then came over and spent the break chatting with us, both of us. It was a nice surprise. Well, tonight it's off to bible study. I've got a pretty full life here, come to think of it! Later dbers
Hi Wii! You know, this same advice could be applied to GAL! So many of us still trying to DB our M's, find all kinds of excuses not to go out and have fun, and do things that bring us a little joy. Thanks for that reminder, 'cause I have been sitting on my a@@, and allowing myself too much self-pity.
Time to get out there, and meet new people, and do fun stuff!!!!
Hope you had a fun Canada Day yesterday!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Wii, like the post and the attitude you've curently taken/ Did the same with both xs myself. X1 took a few years to come around, and as you know (or maybe I've not made it clear in the past posts) everything is just fine as can be with an x. X1 will call up every now and then for dinner or invite me to a concert leaving her now H at home (sleeping). x1 comes over (yes she does have a key to my house), waters the plants, feeds the cats and fish when I'm on the road and roomy is out of town. So not getting revenge / getting even / just treat them like a decent human being can have its rewards years later. Best to take the "high road", better view from up there anyway. And that in my opinion is the way we should approach it. Guess we had a good teacher two thousands years back and it's good we are still paying attention to what he had to say. And then onto x2 of recent times. My answering machine is getting filled up from various financial institutions wanting call backs. For a week or so, thought they were wanting to contact roomy, but that wasn't the case after I cleared it up with her. After a few call backs asking what they wanted, well, turns out they were looking for x2. Skip-traces are pulling up my number from the past association and marriage.Of course I'm polite, ask them to remove my number and give them what info I can. No anger on my part or revenge thoughts. It just is. And of course the next day, as usual like I do every day, I ask Him to look after her (x2).
AT, not a good time of year to be asking Muriel out. Fireworks will be all about the night skies. Think about it. Charcoal, metal salts (they add the colors) and phosphates are the main components which are sought after this time of year. Muriel I am sure would prefer to be in a nice dark corner instead, safely tucked away. Have a little empathy.
Going to Iraq made me have great significance again. My evaluation was outstanding. I said "Can I really be the insignificant moron my W. makes me out to be?" I really believe you and I have been emotionally abused, and pretty badly. It takes a while to recover from the beating we've been given.
I guess the trick is to just be patient, FLTC. We need to be kind to ourselves and allow that time to heal. I know, we as men, tend to think we should just get over things and in the helping profession we're even worse! We think that somehow we should be above it all. What a laugh Anyway, I had a nice day today. I had a couple of pleasant interactions with Plant Lady too. This morning I was heading through the reception area and PL was there stapling some papers, I said jokingly "Hi, what're you up to, something evil as usual?" and she raised her arm as if to throw the stapler at me and replied "no, but I'm about to do something evil" I then said "Well, I think my work here is done, I'll be moving on". At lunch I was assigned to monitoring a certain area, you know, make sure there are no arguments, fights etc. I was sitting in a little office where I could hear everything but not become a target! I was reading a book and suddenly PL sticks her head in the door and says "So, I see you've started a reading club now too" I laughed and said "Yup, I do it all around here, pretty amazing, isn't it" She walked away laughing proudly at her successful attempt at humour! When my time was up I got up and was heading back to my office and I saw her door open so I decided to pop in for some convo, I haven't done that for a while. She seemed pleased to see me and we chatted about nothing for a bit and then she told me about a case she was pondering in her "other life" (private practice). When I left I said "Hey, reading club is every Friday, we're taking new members". So, I enjoyed my little interactions and it's nice to see her a little less anxious/rigid/whatever else around me these past few days. I really think she'd be fun to get to know....maybe one day.
So, I will continue, seeing as how I'm on a roll! After you've been burned badly, as most of us here have been, it's very difficult to feel significant. My STBX spent years pounding into me that I wasn't significant, that I wasn't desirable...you know the rest! Yesterday, I attended church and bible study and I realized again how incredible it is to be part of a place that says YOU'RE SIGNIFICANT. While you're rebuilding your own identity and feelings of self worth this is so empowering to feel. I went to the morning bible study and it ended about 20 minutes before the church service, so I went to my normal seat and waited. During that 20 minutes I counted 12 people who approached me to greet me, inquire about me etc. and/or introduce themselves. It just amazes me that so many people took the time to say, in a small way, "you're significant". When I left early to go pick up my girls there was a tent set up outside to serve hotdogs and hamburgers, as Canada Day is approaching here. I waved at a Prayer group buddy who was helping set up. I told him I couldn't stay as I had to pick up the girls, so he took me to the stand and asked the servers to give me hotdogs to take for myself and my girls. The server wasn't sure whether she should or not, as the service was not over but my friend politely insisted "Brother Whatis really has to go so it'll be OK to start a little early for him" So off I went with lunch for the kids. Again, this man said through his actions "you are significant". It matters folks, look for places such as this where you feel cared for, it's worth the initial discomfort of seeking out a "happy place". So those are my gems for today! Btw, the DB site is one of those wonderful places too!