thank you to all who have been following me and helping me. I managed to get a little sleep last night. I don't know what will happen today, but h as you know has dug up everything true and untrue about me to social services and it's been hell.
I'm going to go in their and fight (not literally screaming and yelling),but when I speak to the child advocate I'm just going to tell the truth because I KNOW I have been a good mother esp. since h has left. I have stood up to the plate with her in ways I didn't even know I had in me. I didn't break down in front of her, I put her needs first. This truth I know in my heart.
I can't believe h, this person I've shared a life with for 7 years whould stoop to this level, but at this point, there IS no point in trying to figure him out. He is where is he is.
I guess the bottom line is I'm going to have to accept what happens today. I truly don't know how I'm going to go forward if d doesn't come home and that's a possibility. I feel like I'm 18 when I first moved to NYC and I was totally alone.
I know I have my family and I know I have friends that care, but in the end they can only do so much. It was devistating enough when I got the bomb, then found out affair and h left us.
I just never thought he would do anything like this and I just want to say to everyone on this board, even if your h's or w's are leaving you, having affairs, thank the lord that you have your children with you. because this hurts on a level that is unbelievable.
I know I sound defeated, but I have to be realistic. I just can't imagine being in this house without her.
And I feel like a failure. I was never the PTA kind of mom. I always thought of myself as Lorelei Gilmore from that show the Gilmore Girls. I didn't have her until I was 33 and at the time I was recording for rca. but I love her more than words, I think God puts something inside you when you have a child, even if you never had that burning desire before to have one.
I never had that burning desire until I had her. And my h was a very involved father and his parents (mother) was OVERLY involved. We spent EVERY weekend with them until we bought this house. we're talking over the first 3 years of d's life. So on the weekends, my mother in law kind of took over and it was just easier to let her (hard to explain). I remember I bought a christmas outfit for d to wear and when we got there for christmas eve, she was angry because she already had an outfit for d. when I stood up for myself, it became a war. That is just one example.
So I just feel like i'm getting whhat I "deserve" in a way because I wasn't always the typical mother, but I swear to god, I have always loved that little girl with everything in me and would NEVER hurt her, never.
Anyway, say a prayer for me today. thanks for your support.
You might not be the typical mother, but you are your daughter's mother and that's all that matters. You let people love her, be around her, and even stepped back (example being the Christmas outfit) in order to make HER happy. I think its going to be ok in court today.
You are right about one thing, I would be lost if my kids were taken from me, even for short periods of time (meaning a day or two). What you have gone through has been devastating. I can only try to understand what you have gone through. I might have been irrational and tried to kidnap my kids back. Seriously.
Thinking of you, hope you can check in, as we care about and support you.
I have to disagree with your statement of you are not a typical mother. You know what who is, and what is a typical mother. So you are not into the PTA thing, so. My mom was not either. She worked,
Everyone is a good mother, you don't abuse or neglect your D. So stop trying to compare yourself to the perfect 1950's stay at home mom.
YOu love an nurture and protect your D. You are her mom.
There were 13 words I spoke over two years ago to H, "I am not sure I want to be a mother, I am afraid" I was afraid, I would not be a good mom, i was afraid I would not be able to carry the child to term since I had had so many miscarriages.
What did my H do with that statement. RAM it right down my throat. I was looking for reassurance from my h what did I get. He did not want me to be the mother of any of his children, natural or adopted.
He left our marriage to find a family, and a new life with someone else.
Your a good mom, and a good person Maryangela. They see that , lawyers, social workers, therapists, You will shine like a bright star today.
Keep cool, keep that head held high.
I will be thinking about you today!
hugs and love bear
Last edited by phbear316; 06/13/0802:11 PM.
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
You will be amazing and the courts will not miss the obvious love that you and D share. H has made himself look like a first rate ass and the court will not miss that either.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I am saying a prayer for you and your sweet little girl. Let your attorney do his job for you. Know that you are irreplaceable in your daughter's life.
Remember that whatever happens today is nOT necessarily permanent, okay? You have a tendency to black-or-white thinking. But today may very well just be a "gray" decision.
Even in a worst case scenario, if the judge gives your crazy abusive H primary custody, your D still NEEDS you as much as you can see her. You need to stay where you can have as much contact with her as possible, and custody decisions can be changed (believe me, your H will show his true colors over time, eventually the courts will see it if they don't see it now).
Be strong for your daughter.
And stop beating yourself up, okay? It's normal for a mom with a career to be a little ambivalent about motherhood. My BF is a singer/songwriter - she had a child late in life, and is still trying to figure out how to squeeze her music into her life (how do you tour with a 6 year old?????).
This doesn't make you a bad mom. Your H was a bad husband, and his mom is a pushy broad. The best way you can advocate for your D is to get strong yourself, stick to the high road, and be the picture of calm in that courtroom - DON'T LET H PUSH YOUR BUTTONS!!! Be PROactive, not REactive.
