The MLC resources talk about cycling and I think his drinking could be characterized as that. It seems he goes on a "binge" of drinking quite heavily for a few days and then stops. I don't think he stops drinking, I just don't think he drinks as much.
I don't think there's much I can do to stop the cycle. I think it's something he has to do. He called last night and seemed fine. Just general conversation about our day, our son, etc. He's going out of town for the weekend, so I'm not sure I'll hear from him. And that's just fine--have a lot of stuff to do!
The drinking is a form of self-medicating but they feel worse the day after of course.
My H never drank growing up, never partied in college, and began drinking after college but not to this extent.
My H is spinning and cycling so fast now that I am glad he is not here.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I too am glad my XH is not home, although he has been saying for a year that he is planning on moving back. I won't let him home if he is going to drink like he has been. I will not expose my son to that.
If he had a couple of beers, I wouldn't have a problem with that. But it's obviously been more than a couple this last weekend.
I've always wondered what boundaries I would have if he did move back--I guess I just realized that would be one of them. Not that I even have to think about that now or ever.
Have you talked to him today? I'll try and get over to your thread later tonight after work and dinner.
No, I wouldn't say reconciling--I'm not sure what you would call it. He calls me all the time, but not sure how he really feels about me. He doesn't say he loves me and there is no signs of affection when we are together. We haven't had an R talk for about a year.
He didn't show up for the divorce hearing and called me later that afternoon saying he was confused. He is NOT good at communicating, so I have always had to read between the lines. When I asked him if he was trying to say he wanted to get back together, he said he didn't know--he was confused. He was still with OW, but he was planning on ending it with her.
He told me he ended it, but I know he still sees her as he lives with her son. Ever since then, he has been saying off and on that he wants to come back. He throws out a date but it comes and he hasn't moved.
Since Christmas, the last date he said, I've stopped wondering why he hasn't yet and I never asked him why he didn't. He doesn't act like we're together, we don't do anything together--the only thing he does is call me daily, sometimes twice or more a day. Not sure why--maybe it's guilt since he hasn't paid child support or 1/2 of the mortgage, taxes, and insurance payment that he agreed to in our divorce since November. We still co-own our house--he didn't want to sell it.
I've never asked him for the money because I know he doesn't have it. I know he really feels bad about it, but he deals with it by drinking and not taking action. I can't do anything about that.
What I decided to do was become financially independent of him. I wanted to do this for me. The best thing I've done so far is get a part-time job at a wine/beer bar that a friend of my sister's opened about a month ago. It is so much fun and the tips are great. I work Friday nights right now, so after my regular job, I go there. I will be picking up another night, either Weds. or Saturday, in the next coming weeks. It gets me out of the house and I've met some really nice people.
Sorry for the long reply! I guess the short answer is no. I'm not planning on anything. I decided to go forward with my life and whatever happens, happens. We're divorced, so there is no reason I couldn't date and I have no reason to be upset about what he does with his life.
He usually comes over once during the weekend, but I think that will be coming to an end soon since it doesn't do anything for me. I don't need to see him. I would like him to make our son a priority, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon.
He still has a lot to work out and truthfully, I don't know if he ever will. I love him and would like nothing more for us to be back together, but it's up to him now. I've offered to help him any way I can and he knows I will. That's all I can do now.
Thanks for stopping by my thread! I really appreciate it.
Farm I am also getting there after 15 months of doing everything DB thing right and possibe H still says hes done I have to move on as well so much to do out there and this is doing no good anyway/I can watch the ride from a more distant place peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I'm so sorry you have to go through this too, but you sound good. Things get so much better when you can watch from a more distant place and trust that everything will work out the way it should.
It's so painful when the person you love and thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with decides they want something else. But, it has NOTHING to do with us, and everything to do with them. What they have done says more about them than it does about us. I've had to do alot of repair to my self-esteem before I could accept that last statement as truth.
Life is wonderful and we can make the best out of a horrible situation.
I hope you're doing okay and today is wonderful for you.
I too am glad my XH is not home, although he has been saying for a year that he is planning on moving back. I won't let him home if he is going to drink like he has been. I will not expose my son to that.
If he had a couple of beers, I wouldn't have a problem with that. But it's obviously been more than a couple this last weekend.
I've always wondered what boundaries I would have if he did move back--I guess I just realized that would be one of them. Not that I even have to think about that now or ever.
Have you talked to him today? I'll try and get over to your thread later tonight after work and dinner.
Have a good rest of the day.
Don't get me wrong, I do want H home and he misses home. The cycling drives me more crazy than his drinking. He just sits and drinks at night. I grew up with lots of alcohol being Greek, and it never bothered me much and alcohol--I can take it or leave it.
Don't think that your S16 has not been exposed to alcohol because from what I see in our neighborhood, and I know many of the teens here as we have been here since 1996, all of them party and drink.
I kind of take a different approach when it comes to boundaries and what works for one might not work for another.
Jesus accepted everyone, no boundaries. Something to think about!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
