As my dear friend, define 'letting go' and 'dropping the rope.' Do I go out? The thought nauseates me. I've tried it twice and it took all I had to keep from running away. A third time was a little different. More of an impromtu 'wanna go for pizza?' thing with the woman who cuts my hair. I like the girl and we took her children for pizza at a Chucky Cheese type place. Her oldest daughter commented it was the best time she'd ever had. There was a sense of family that I've missed. Even though it wasn't true, it felt nice to have other people think we were a family. And afterwards I thought,'look what happened to me and how it hurt, yet here I am with another man's wife and children, even though he rejected them.' Am I any better than the man with my wife?
Right now I'm in limbo. I can't decide to come to AZ or stay here. Maybe a change will do me good.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
And afterwards I thought,'look what happened to me and how it hurt, yet here I am with another man's wife and children, even though he rejected them.' Am I any better than the man with my wife?
IMO yes you are. Your W rejected you. You made it perfectly clear that you still wanted her. She chose to ignore that. You deserve some happiness. Thoughts like this only continue to let her have a hold over you. I'm sure (like me) there is a side to you that wants you XW to have a hold over you but right now it's not healthy. If you'd gone out with this woman whilst still M then I would've agreed with your comments but you didn't so I don't.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Almost to the year since I wrote this post I have discovered that my W has left the OM. My Mother's Day flowers this year were returned by him saying "she doesn't live here any more." He refused to give the delivery girl a forwarding address. I'm sure he knew they were from me and was being obstinate. Now I need to find her again, but I have many untapped resources which I saved for such a situation. Hang in there, be patient. Things DO change.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
Keep doing the right thing and good luck. I look to find your kind of confidence. I'm glad you were able to turn that experience into a huge positive. It's not over till the Lord says so, I'm with you there.
You left me sighing... How do people leave the ones who are so loyal???? Hang in there... use your untapped resources... Pray for guidance and I am sure HE will show you the way...
God Bless you and the great love you hold for your wife!
It takes alot to get me to post again, but your post, and the person that you are enticed me to post.
I too want my M back. I have the gift of a new and stronger relationship with God to keep me going. Lots of similarities, and our time lines are about the same.
This is a sincere question. I hope your answer will fill in some of my blanks.
I have made a peaceful life for myself. I have friends, and a career that I love, and children that pop in and out of my life in a fairly regular fashion. I am doing pretty good.
Sounds like you are the same.
But I have an unfailing sense of longing regarding my XH. It does not go away. Even in the fleeting thoughts of "I am so much better off"...... and wondering if I still want him back?
Is it like this for you, at all? I find time and distance makes it easier to think of a life without him, but then I keep going back to the hope and longing.
Do you sometimes wonder if you really want her back?
I know you will be truthful, you are a dignified and constant beacon of what is good and right. I so hope you say that you sometimes think that.
I am hoping that it is God who keeps me centered on wanting my family back together again.
Is it like this for you too?
Hoping the best to you. You are one of the good guys.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I have come to believe that my marriage is for life, that I am married to this woman through God's grace, and that I am bound to stand for her. And because I believe I am married to her in God's eyes, I still wear my ring and do not call her "ex."
Having said that, I am subject to temptations that are common to all men. I have tried dating to no avail, and have thought of asking other women out. I am at the point that I resist these temptations because I know they will lead nowhere.
Have I doubted if I still want her? Yes, I have thought of things about her that I do not like (never did), but I don't base these thoughts on what's going on now or my "stand."
Because I am having financial difficulties I wonder if I could "afford" her back, but in dealing with raw "want", there is no doubt.
We are one flesh, according to my belief. That longing you feel is the spot from which your one flesh mate was torn away. In me, that feeling has not ebbed in the slightest. In fact, it has grown.
I have times when I wish this was gone or that it never happened (meaning "she" never happened) because it hurts so much, but something always turns me around.
I have friends, I do things, but they don't heal that raw spot where the "tearing away" took place. I am not better off. As soon as I'm done with whatever activity, she takes back her place in my heart and stays there until the next distraction.
I think it depends on levels of love. Valorie is my life's love. She is all my reasons. I'm not ashamed of that. Love endures through EVERY circumstance.
If you don't have that kind of love, then perhaps you're better off. Only you can decide. But the enemy will lie to you and tell you many things to pull you off the path. And the closer you get to a breakthrough, the harder he will come at you.
Of course it is God who wants your marriage and family together. And it is only He who can put it back together.
Trust, obey, and wait on Him. His timing is perfect.
I hope I answered your questions.
God bless you,
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
It is God that brought you two together and it will be done as He says in heaven.....all for the glory of God. Have faith brother and he will deliver you. God has been working in my life as well and it is so powerful when your obediance matches your faith. Stay strong!
Hello to everyone. I post in MLC. I am divorced now for around 6 months. My xh is engaged to a 26 year old girl. He is 41. Our son is 19. It is heart breaking. I havent seen him in around 3 months or longer. He doesnt want to talk to me, has said I am dead to him and his son is the only thing that exists from our 20 year marriage. He gave me the speech one day when I questioned him about a phone call that he wouldnt take in front of me. He cried and said he didnt love me the way a man should love a wife. He wanted to be alone, etc. That lasted only about 2 months after divorce then he moved her in with him.
What I wanted to say though is I LOVE and i mean LOVE the way GOD is talked about her and brought into the situation. I am a true believer in GOD and want only GOD's will to be done. I am trying to stand for my marriage that GOD gave to me. I want my family back and I refuse to let the devil win. I rebuke satan away from my husband. I am so happy I came over and started to read. I love to hear people give GOD the credit for everything. Let GOD be in control and you cant go wrong. I will be checking in again. If you want to read my sitch, it is in MLC under Can Anyone Answer this (I think).
