It has been a long time and I have so much to say in such a short time... Long story short. I have been played yet again. In about Jan 08 my (STBX) had his attorneys send me a series of court dates. At the same time, he started paying attention to me, offering to do things for me, kissing me, trying to ml... all after about a year of treating me like I had yellow fever.
My father passed suddenly in Feb 08 and once again, H was there to rescue and help, kissing, wanting to ML, eating with us... I thought (maybe this is the breakthrough) and I totally let my guard down...we became almost like a couple again...
He started telling me that he was going to have the court date postponed due to issues with his attorney. Literally up until the day before we went to court to begin finalizing things, he told me that he was going to have the court date dismissed. I believed and let my guard down. Only to to told that day that he indeed still wanted to divorce as it was long over due...!
I got to court and sobbed as they talked about my life like it it was some obsure mistake...I am devastated. He is back to treating me like crap and I feel sooooo alone. Lost really because I let my guard down and allowed myself to believe in a miracle for myself.
At this stage, I am trying to salvage some of my self respect and strategize for how to live moving forward. Can anyone offer any advice here ? i am devastated and just dont' know what to do.
Save a spot on this curb for me as I will be here soon...much to my surprise.
As STBX, who knows what was behind the behavior, but given MLC, it is probably as simple as plain old selfishness. I'm so sorry, it is almost impossible for us (relatively) normal folks to grasp how they could behave so very deceptively. But they do.
One day at a time, rely on your L, and treat this as a business transaction. Hard to do, I know all too well. But that's all the decent advice I have!
GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! what a @#$@#$ looser !!!!! people like that should be fried slowly in hot oil! freaking liar!!!
Hugs))))))))) i'm so sorry that jerk took advantage of your trust. We all hang on the the last minute for a change of heart, so dont' you feel bad about that (I misread something H said, thought he was rethinking the stich, felt down afterwards, it happens. our heart waits so bad for a miracle to happen).
Why should your self-respect suffer? the low life deceiver is him! you walk with your head up high.
Your life was not a mistake, you know that and God knows that and that is ALL that matters, my M life was also categorized as a front, a show that dragged on too long. No matter how much those men want to mangle the past they just can't! no one can fix/change the past, they can say whatever the hell they want, it won't change the good times we had.
I really really recommend you get this wonderful book I'm reading and takings notes from "the spiritual divorce", it will help you tons.
My prayers your way))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I am so sorry about the added, and completely idiotic and selfish, layer of pain from STBX. I think most all of us know the feeling of "baby steps" that are pulled out from underneath us. It's so hard. It's like reliving the "bomb" all over again.
Don't feel badly about how you're feeling. You have gone through so much loss in such a short amount of time - 1 month. Of course this is going to rip you up, and devastate you for a bit.
But, remember this. You did this before. You stood up again. You stood strong and took charge. You can do it again. I promise.
We are all here for you. And, we're all examples on this road ahead of you that you CAN make it - strong and happy again.
Hi all, Thanks for your posts. They got me through a tough week. Thanks for the condolences. It has been one heck of a few weeks.
Always, Thanks. I have to stop myself from looking at and over analyzing everything that he does as baby steps or the big one. It almost does not even matter at this point. I am so over this mess now that I am willing to use this as a business transactiona and just get on with it.
Cat, I GOT THE BOOK !! It is great and will stop by your thread to update you as I get through it...Thanks for the recommendation, i really needed it.
Almosthopeful, One day at a time... that is all that i can do right now but I will make it as will all of us on this board.
MrsH, I have been reading and you are doing just fine. No worries babe, you do what you have to do...Email me and maybe we can meet up and chat a bit.HUGS TO YOU !
Lissie, Smooches and you are right... I have been here before and yet again, I let myself get caught up just when I thought that my boundaries were iron clad. Just Friday night I saw him when he came for the kids and he made a sexually related comment. I was shocked, like someone though hot mucous on me. I was like a deer in headlights... who know what motivates them. i just know that I gotta get out of this...
HUGS AND KISSES to all of you... keep strong and keep posting.
This speaks volumes of the person you are. You have nothing to feel stupid about. You did what you thought was the right thing, unfortunately your husband didn't deserve your trust. Who do you really think should feel stupid here?
It's sad when you want to believe that they will do the right thing only to find out that they don't know what the right thing is and haven't for an awfully long time. This will make you stronger and help you to move on. Maybe someday he'll catch up with you, who knows? Give your love and trust to people who will return it. The pay off is huge and also very healing.
Sorry about your Dad. That is something to mourn. Wasting your time grieving over someone who treated you badly is such a waste, but I know it's something that you have to do. We all do it because that's the only way of getting through this.
Good luck Sweetie........there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can take that to the bank!
I'm glad to hear from you, you sound better))))))))) you are in my prayers, hope the book helps you to put positive thoughts in your head, I can totally tell when I stop reading (like now) bad thoughts attack me, I have to go back and pick up my book and make my notes like a good girl
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
