I didn't want to mention it, but I am always insulted when a man refuses to drive 3 1/2 hours to see me on a moment's notice. Reminds of the time my toilet wouldn't flush and I had a handsome carpenter working in the house. I asked him to plunge the toilet. He refused. Said he could fix anything else, but not a stopped up toilet. I plunged it myself and called my friend and told her, "that's it. I've lost my sex appeal. I can't even get a man to plunge my toilet any more."
By all means don't be insulted.(I almost said don’t feel insulted but ya know I can't tell ya how to feel)It's not that you lost your sex appeal.. (No offence but any woman that is breathing at this point makes me hot) It's that I did not feel worthy to be in the presents of such a beautiful, intelligent woman.
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I read your first post and it read to me exactly as you explained it the second time. I don't think anyone thinks you are implying you are enjoying the 'drama' of the sitch.
Although we know what a great place this is, we also know we would all rather we weren't in the position where we had ever had the need to find this place. Having said that - I have met some fantastic people through here and they have done as much for me, if not more, than many hours of therapy!!!
husband - I'm watching you!!!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I think I missed something here. What happened to my thread?? I've been hijacked!!
3 1/2 hour drives? Stopped up toilets??
That makes me think of a funny conversation Mo2C and I had a while back. We were talking about her sex appeal. Don't know how it started, but I guess she was doing something that didn't make her feel too sexy for some reason. Anyhow, I told her that she could take just about any task and make it look sexy. We started looking for some challenging scenarios. I asked her if she could make plunging a toilet look sexy. Just let me say that with a little imagination and creativity, the toilet plunging can look damn sexy! That just sounds wrong, but I think we may have had a few drinks before that conversation took place.
We did talk last night a little about expectations. She went to look at a couple of places after dinner and found a small apartment that is local. She thinks it is too small, but I told her that her expectations might be a little high. We talked about what she would want from the separation. Would it be time apart, but still working on us? Dating each other and possibly some counseling? Or would it be little contact and perhaps seeing others. It sounds like she wants it to be us continuing to work on the relationship. She doesn’t seem to be interested in dating anyone at this point. I did mention to her that I was feeling pretty positive about where we are because it is so much better than we were at the end of last year. At that point, she had agreed to Retro only if I would accept mediation afterwards if it didn’t work out. There is no mention of mediation or divorce at this point. I told her that I was really encouraged by that.
Have a great day all. We made it through the 1st quarter in one piece!
Just need to vent a little. Let me preface this with these are just my feelings... neither right nor wrong. Also, my feelings today may not necessarily be the same two days from now.
So since Mo2C has announced that she wants to separate, things have seemed to be more tense around the house and the daily hello / goodbye kisses have stopped. I find myself again struggling with how to best interact with W. What is appropriate behavior and what would be unwelcome. How much talking is too much and when does too little look like I'm trying to avoid her. I know the answer is going to be just ask. Neither of you are a mind reader.
Last night, we were in the BR and W was folding clothes. I took my shirts that were on the side and must have huffed or rolled my eyes, because she asked what was wrong. Told her nothing was wrong, but then I thought about it and decided to let her know what was bothering me. The issue was just a difference in how we handle the chore of laundry, but it has been bugging me for a long time. I never complained about it. Thought it was something that would be better left unspoken because I knew it would cause an argument. That is how I would typically handle things in the past, just take the path of less resistance and not bring it up. My holding things in has bothered her in the past so I decided I would let her know how I was feeling. We had a bit of a discussion and she told me that she understood how I was feeling, but I can't help but think that my timing on this was bad. She's seriously considering moving out and here I am making myself oh so attractive by arguing about laundry.
Now this morning I continue my uncharacteristic desire to talk about things. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut??
I took my car to the shop this morning to fix the stupid automatic window, so W and I drOve into work together. Nothing like an hour commute to get the conversation going. I asked her if she was really committed to the moving out and separating. She said she was and wondered why it seemed like I had changed the way I was feeling about it. I mentioned our the money situation and how we had a lot of debt that we needed to pay off and how I thought this was causing her a lot of stress. Moving out and paying for an apartment certainly won't make that any easier. She told me that she felt that this was her only option to figure things out. That she needed to get away from the comfort and security of the house to see if she really wants me. She then said that if we were meant to be together then things would work out.
This is really where I should have shut my mouth, because that triggered something I had seen written to OG. I should cut this post short too, but remember, these are just my feelings and subject to change at a moments notice.
They had known each other as kids and gone to HS together. Never dated or anything, but when they ended up working at the same building and subsequently getting involved, I think W saw this as fate bringing them together and that it was something that was meant to be.
So now I'm thinking about that scenario and what W had just said about if we were meant to be, it will work out. So I asked her if it was fate that brought OG to her, then why did she end up back with me? How much are you going to rely on fate to decide your future? How much faith does one put in fate? I pointed out that I could think of several examples of what could be considered fate having already worked to get us back together. How weird is it that our Retro weekend and follow-ups took place in the church where we were married and the hotel where we had our reception. I do often think that things happen for a reason, but I also believe that we are all responsible for creating our futures. Each of us has a significant hand in deciding what 'fate' has in store for us.
So here I am feeling like I've just pushed W out the door a little quicker and less likely to want to come back because of my ranting. I need to go back to my old ways and just keep my mouth shut, but she did want me to open up more right? Maybe there's some ideal middle ground, or maybe I need to find some filter for my thoughts now.
I just want Mo2C to know that she is free to do what she needs to do. I may not like it, but I will give her as much support as I can.
Lately I feel that I'm talking too much over in this neck of the woods. I would love to just shut up sometimes but I guess now that the "piecing" has begun, I'm not as concerned about what I say in a conversation. This is all fine but my delivery and timing definitely need work.
Just wanted to chime in. Communication needs to remain open and I'm glad, HFF, that you are starting to feel a little more open instead of holding things in.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
