What seems to be getting lost in all of this is exactly what you're referring to Ian - that this is simply a fun relationship with mutual attraction and interest on each person's part - that's it. Not once have you ever said or implied that she is "the one" or that she is your "soulmate" or professed undying love for her, blah blah blah. You have in fact specifically addressed WITH HER that it is not those things, not now at least and for the foreseeable future. It seems to be getting forgotten that not every relationship is supposed to result in a lifelong commitment and not every girl or lady friend becomes your wife.
For the life of me I cannot understand why some folks are having a problem - to the point of questioning your morals and judging you - with you having a CASUAL relationship after the end of your marriage (while continuing to make your children your top priority). You've been pretty clear about all of this and it seems pretty simple and straightforward to me.
I'm so bewildered by it that it actually got me up out of lurker mode for a few days to actually post about it...
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
That my friend is because you are a defender of the faith. You believe that not all things are as simple as right or wrong. I tend to lean with you on that as you know.
You know if I think about premarriage, I would have never been this honest with a woman about intentions or lack there of. So I actually believe that all be it only a dating/fun thing, it is also a huge sign that I have grown and am able to communicate and not lead on.
I believe Kev that someone summed it up pretty well. It is obvious that people on here care or they would not even bother with it. I look through all the adversity of our varying opinions and I see the good in people actually giving a crap and letting me know that they care enough to tell me their opinions even when they don't concur with mine. That is how we learn and grow isn't it? Trial and error????
Not for nothing, but you suck. Why the hell do you lurk when your advice and insight after two DB efforts are so amazing at times. You know there is this guy...no two guys in newcomers that you probably could really help. M in Tennessee and Ready2Change. Both really good guys, both struggling as things unfold, both in need of some sage advice right now. Any of you other oldtimers around here, check in on these two, They are in the middle of the storm and trying to find their way through.
In fact, AMYC,read M in Tennessee's post from today after his mediation. he needs some help as he finds himself in Job's place right now and is questioning his faith.You happen to be outstanding in that arena so please pop in and lets help our brother find his feet again.
I am off to bed, 12 hour shift tomorrow and then dinner with my friend
I would have never been this honest with a woman about intentions or lack there of. So I actually believe that all be it only a dating/fun thing, it is also a huge sign that I have grown and am able to communicate and not lead on.
Exactly WHO is the woman you are refering about? The young girl you work with? I was refering to many more than just her.
Remember what I said Ian, your ACTIONS must also include others. Your board friends, your new friends you've not met, your childrens friends.....and so on.
Quote:
It is obvious that people on here care or they would not even bother with it. I look through all the adversity of our varying opinions and I see the good in people actually giving a crap and letting me know that they care enough to tell me their opinions even when they don't concur with mine. That is how we learn and grow isn't it? Trial and error????
We do care. Whether it's for you, or for someone your hurting, someone you've hurt or someone you may hurt.
Trial and error are how some grow. Trial and error are how some excuse.
Again, as a very good role model on this board Ian, you should know some of the ERRORS before even TRYING.
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Actually, I think it's right ON topic, just not the one you want to keep pounding on Ian about, which in my opinion doesn't apply to him anyway as has been pointed out throughout this thread, with supporting details...
Originally Posted By: Jeanette1120
The young girl you work with?
I find it interesting that you stuck the "young" in there since although she's certainly younger, she's very much an adult. You make it sound like she's in high school or something.
Originally Posted By: Jeanette
Whether it's for you, or for someone your hurting, someone you've hurt or someone you may hurt.
That pretty much covers the entire human population...
Jeanette, I don't know you so don't take this personally, but since you've now gone from 'kinda' judgmental to what I consider full-on 'holier than thou' mode, I just wanted to comment on it. You really make it sound like Ian (or in a broader sense any guy with kids) shouldn't date again, casually or otherwise, following a D - until some vague, undefined amount of "healing time" has passed. What is that time frame? How do you know when the healing is done? Is there some manual or formula? You seem unable to accept even the possibility that Ian is in a place where it's "acceptable" that he meet new people and pursue even a casual relationship with the opposite sex, and I find it odd. I'd be interested in hearing why you think that...or in you correcting me if I've misinterpreted you...
Ian- You have a point, I'll check those two out over the next few days. My main concern has been balancing the experiences I've gone through versus the fact that a lot of folks over there in Newcomers are still fighting for their M's. We'll see...
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
If there's some deep, dark, dirty secret that is behind the recent postings, to the point that people have to be directed to emails to "understand" why we're saying what we're saying...
Maybe the entire conversation should have been handled confidentially.
The members of this board can only post and respond to what is written here. If there is more to the story, our advice winds up being invalid or faulty.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Jeanette, I know you have access to my email and I am certainly interested in your concerns in the unedited version (not suitable for posting).
I do read between the lines well and please do not think for one minute that I think you are attacking or being mean so to say. Didnt enter my mind. I believe that you, just as I, post what your heart tells you and that is good with me.
And Bworl, I agree with you. Post it out there, say what there is to say. I am not sure what it is that is so confidential that I have not said on these posts. Whatever it is, post it. I am a big boy and am most willing to face any realities that come to light which I have not shared.
If you have my email, use it, if you are interested in hearing what concerns me.
Jeanette
Jeanette it is inappropriate of you to invite someone else to email you regarding Ian's business. What Ian chooses to share here or one on one with anyone else is one thing but you two - or any other two - discussing it amongst yourselves amounts to gossip and is out of line, in my opinion.
Jeanette it is inappropriate of you to invite someone else to email you regarding Ian's business. What Ian chooses to share here or one on one with anyone else is one thing but you two - or any other two - discussing it amongst yourselves amounts to gossip and is out of line, in my opinion.
