She's Gone - No Contact (Part 2)

[Kinlovewithm]

I just realized my thread was "locked." I don't know how to include my previous thread so that you can click on it and read it. It was "She's Gone - No Contact."

My situation is the same as the previous post. No news is good news I hope. I'd love to her from her but will keep waiting patiently a little longer.

Would love to hear some of your advice. The "test the waters" card was sent around March 3. Should I send another one around April 3?

Thanks to all for your support and expert advice.

[Kinlovewithm]

I'm depressed again. I was so hoping to hear from her by now. It's spring and I have "spring fever." I want to get out and enjoy going places and doing things but things are so much more enjoyable with GF. I miss her so badly. Does anyone have any encouraging words?

Thanks.

[Kinlovewithm]

Anyone out there?

[W2G]

Hey K,

Just wanted to post and say hi. I'm not really sure what to say about your tentative date for your next "test the waters" card. It may be too soon. A month to us LBS seems like a lifetime but I'm not sure the WAS sees or feels the same..

You're lucky that you've got spring fever.. I'm wishing I could get that feeling but I've been told that we're not done with old man winter up here in Canada yet.. supposedly we're supposed to get more snow but I'm not sure when.. I don't get to watch the news too often.. more children's tv in my house (not that I'm complaining because I don't really want to hear the weather forecast anyway)!

Try to do something to pamper yourself.. something to distract you but that will make you feel good.. This is a tough journey but you are hanging in there.. you just have to get through todays dip and hopefully you'll wake up tomorrow refreshed.. Keep venting your feelings here, as you do, because it's better to have them out of your system then holding them in or sharing them with you GF.

W2G

[FA]

Don't make the card a priority.....cards are nice but actions speak louder than words.

[Kinlovewithm]

Thanks W2G! Yes, a month seems like an eternity. I'll try to wait a little longer. This is so difficult. I hate it and I don't understand why she doesn't feel like I do. Why doesn't she miss me? Why doesn't she at least want to talk to me on the phone? How much longer do I "wait?" FYI - officially broke up one year ago. Saw each other a handful of times between March & Oct when we "got back together" temporarily and had 10 - 15 "dates". Then - "broke up again" early Nov. Haven't seen her since. Haven't talked on phone since mid - Dec. Is there any hope? It's been 4 months! I'm terribly frustrated.

Thankfully, I am trying to stay busy with grad school. I live near Memphis,TN so yes, it's officially spring. Very nice except for storms.

Thanks to you too FA. By "actions speak louder" do you mean no contact? She has no reason for contact with me and cannot see or experience the "new me." Thanks!!

K

[Kinlovewithm]

Where'd everyone go?

[Just_Me]

Kin,

In some ways all long term relationships are similar, but consider for a minute that this is your GF, not your wife, and there isn't even legalities to attend to. Surely there have been times you've broken up with girlfriends in the past or been broken up with. Do you ever consider what they are doing, have changed, or want to try again? That's sometimes how it is with a girlfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend/girlfriend situation; you go your separate ways and never look back...even when it was longterm.
I can't read her mind, but her silence has given you clues that she sees it as over...any further efforts on your part will not be well received by her. I would suggest that you move forward as though this relationship is over. If she has second thoughts, she'll contact you...otherwise I wouldn't attempt more cards or other forms of contact. This may seem harsh. While it's true she won't see your changes, it may be equally true that she doesn't care if she sees any. If she wanted to know what's up with you, she'd get in contact with you. Sorry to be so blunt. Move forward with your life, and that may include dating when you are ready. You can't make her want to try again...so you pretty much have to be pleasantly surprised if she does (and you are still open to the thought).

I know this is advice you have received from people that aren't on this board...that anyone else would give you, but it still holds. The only thing you can do is get your own life in order and fulfilling as possible. Answer me honestly, if the roles were reversed and your partner was holding on desperately from afar, their life on hold and incomplete without you, would you find that attractive? I sense that your life is on hold while you wait for her. It can't be. You need a life that she would be crazy not to want to share with you.

[Kinlovewithm]

Thank you. Yes, I thought of that this morning. No "excuse" for contact - no legal marriage, no kids, no commitment, she's not accepting of her sexuality, etc. I have never had anyone break up with me before like this but people I have "ended" it with - you're right - I have never looked back and have no desire to reconcile with any of them. But obviously many people do or there would be no hope for all the people on this site. Am I right on this?

Your last question - no, I suppose if the roles were reversed I wouldn't find that attractive. I'm not sitting around crying or "waiting" for her. Except as the rest of you do - no dating, still open to the possibility of reconciliation, etc. I've been advised on here before not to date anyone else yet. You think I should huh?

I love her with all my heart and feel like she will eventually call me (don't know when). We had something very special between us even though some of the time things were bad. Do you think I should give up hope?

Thanks. Yes, honesty hurts sometimes but thanks. K

[NikB]

Hi K - finally have some time to check back in! (please don't think I've been ignoring you, I just haven't been on a whole lot lately.. in fact long overdue for an update on my own thread).

I think Just_Me makes some good points.

I know you say your life's not "on hold" waiting for her, but it sure appears that way from what we see here. Granted we only see a very small part of the story, but hopefully it's good to know how it looks from the "outside."

I have never had anyone break up with me before like this but people I have "ended" it with - you're right - I have never looked back and have no desire to reconcile with any of them. But obviously many people do or there would be no hope for all the people on this site. Am I right on this?

I'm sorry.. I know how much this hurts (and how much what I'm about to say will hurt). I DO think a lot of people here have reason to hope, but many don't, as well. I know for example that when my SIL left her XH.. there was NO CHANCE. I've said it before but in case you haven't seen it.. he could find world peace and the cure for cancer, she would still want NOTHING to do with him. She was that "done" by the time she left. My stepmom also left my dad last year.. I think he had a chance for a few months but when nothing changed, she left, again, no chance now. I think sooo many people have partners still in doubt, but sometimes, it really is just too far gone.

Is that the case for you? Don't know... but it may be true. And like Just_Me, I think you'll actually be MORE attractive (to yourself and possibly to her, if she notices) if you think of it that way.

I DON'T think you should date until you feel ready, you are happy with yourself and might just want to share that with someone else. I don't personally think you're there but that's a choice you have to make of course. If you had let her go at this point I'd say go for it.. but I don't think you have yet.

Give up hope? Nah.. but give up on your old R? Yes, definitely. Something special could happen again, but move on until then.

Sorry..ouch.. ((((K))))