It's true though! All work and no play makes Red a sad and tired girl. Most nights I am so physically and mentally drained I can barely get through the rest of the evening without fall asleep on the couch. And H is the same way.
So, we are both looking foward to this weekend. Sitting by the pool and sleeping in. I enjoy doing nothing. Life is hectic through the week.
I dream of the weekends.
RU
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
Hi Red, Thanks for sharing your update. It's very encouraging! I have a question:
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H still has some MLC "symptoms" that I don't know will ever go away.
What kind of symptoms?
Also, I had to tell you that I totally relate to this:
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I agree communication is very important. I never was good at, mainly due to my upbringing. I wasn't allowed to "talk back" or voice my opinions as a child, and have difficulty doing it to this day. I was/am a people pleaser, so when things bothered me I didn't say a word. Until it would boil up to the top and spill over. And it got ugly...trust me. Very ugly
Those pesky MLC symptoms. There aren't too many, just a few.
He still spews some. Especially when I don't entirely agree with him about something. Or I don't go along. The plus side is I usually let him say what he needs to say. And then I don't say a thing back. I just turn around and walk away.
I leave him alone, and after a bit he comes back and apologizes.
He still says from time to time that he likes being alone. And that I'll understand more when I go through it. I've told him that I know adjusting to big life changes/transitions are a big challenge. But, running away and hiding is not the answer and I won't do that. It doesn't make me better than him, I just deal with it differently.
The biggest one is that he struggles with the idea that I love him no matter what. And that he feels that I could do so much better because he doesn't make me happy. It's the old "date someone else, or D me first so I can feel better about me and my decision." This is the one that hurts the most, because it sounds like the ILYBNILWY speech.
He says he knows that I love him, but struggles with accepting that love as unconditional. I understand that because of how he grew up, and his idea of love is different than what we would consider "normal".
Does this make sense?
If you have any more questions, let me know.
Always here to help,
RU
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
Hi Red, Yes, it definitely helps. Thank you. The troubling thing is that we just never know for sure if the MLC is over, do we? I guess we can only control how WE react to what he does.
No we don't. Things get better with time. My H is more aware of how he is. How is behaviors and attitude affect everyone else around him. And he's made a concerted effort to reign himself in, if he feels he's gotten out of hand.
The thing is not everything is bad. There are a lot of things that are better.
I've stepped out of the way of disciplining my SS12. I've given my H the room to do it since he never thought I did it right anyways. Funny thing is, SS12 has been given a long line of rope and now unfortunately has hung himself. And now H sees it with his own eyes. And has found out that his son is not all nice and sweet like he thought.
He's also been much more attentive at home.
Trust me I'm not complaining. Things are better. But, piecing is hard. Really hard.
RU
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
