Just wanted to post this, thought it was an interesting tidbit of a convo that my S had w/ his father last weekend.
They met up for lunch Sunday, first ODD, never in 5-1/2 yrs has ex asked S to do lunch/dinner on a weekend, interferes w/ his social life. He had not seen him since before Christmas and ex had some more gifts for him from family
Anyway, as they were sitting there, having a beer after- S brought up the fact that B and I were engaged. Not sure of the exact reaction from ex, something like really?? ( I am thinking fireworks were going off in his head, elated at the thought of the end of that pesky alimony!)
But then S said they had a rather odd convo. Ex said to S, out of the blue,,,ya know S, I'm an Azz****. S laughed and told him to tell him something he didnt know
Anyway it was an hour long convo, but basically Ex told S he didnt know what was wrong w/ him. That he was a complete A**H*** and he was terrible " to your mother" He knows hes not normal but cant help it, he wants NO responsibilities in life, When S said thats not possible over the age of 16! Ex said why not?? why cant I? is it so bad?
Ex admitted he wanted every day to be euphoric , every day to be a day at Disneyland AND that went for R too. Why do they have to become comfortable? He told S he is best alone, he's felt this way most of his life
S said thats fine if thats how you are dad, you cant seem to help how you feel but the prob is dad you leave this path of destruction in your wake. First mom and me, then L ( his chicke) and prolly her 2 D too. S had asked his dad what about L? dont you want to settle down w/ her? and ex much to S surprise said,,,no, no i dont think so.
So S asked then what are you doing w/ her? I do believe she thinks you have a future. Ex admitted I have no clue what I am doing or why I am doing it
He also admitted hes NOT REALLY HAPPY- and he was wrong to do what he did to me and S ( now by no means do I think he regrests he did, but how he did it)
He told S, You dont want to be in my head its not a good place to be.
He asked if I was happy w/ B and S said yes but she was happy before B came along she had learned to make herself happy, thats what people have to do, B came along and they make each other happier! Ex seemed perplexed by that statement!
Anyway, for a man who never opens up that was big. He told S he hasnt discussed this with anyone but him.
I think he told S because he is the one left who still loves him unconditionally
Its sad really, in some way I feel a bit sorry for him. NOT for what he did but for his mindset and the frustration he must feel all the time.
I thought I'd be on cloud 9 when I heard this one day IF I did, funny, it dosnt matter all that much to me. To say I've moved on is more then true. Thought an apology one day would be nice, this may be the closest I get.
Bethie said to me and shes prob right, Ex may of told S this knowing S and I are close and he tells me a lot!
So there ya have it, the mlc clouds rolling by? maybe, maybe not, think my ex is always going to be this way to some extent, mlc def exaggerated it tho!
Last edited by KarenMarieS; 03/08/0806:24 PM.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
This is what we all wanted to hear. But is it really? I wanted Chuck to be unhappy. To have regrets. But at this point - I'd rather he BE happy. That way he is more likely to LEAVE ME ALONE. I'm sure you feel this way too. It's more than just about us getting some satisfaction in knowing they're NOT really happy. (though we DO get that satisfaction in some ways too! LOL!)
Interesting that he told Ryan so much. I thought guys didn't REALLY talk? My kids haven't had a heart to heart with their dad in AGES> I think it is because they are beyond caring about his future.
Regrets, I've had a few. But not as many as our exes will have, no?
The important thing is that YOU are happy. YOU are moving on with your life. You took what was left after the bomb and you rebuilt. My hat is off to you!
Since this is where all the planning discussion is taking place, I'll ask here. Do we guys have to wear matching cummerbunds and thongs?
Barb,
Quote:
Interesting that he told Ryan so much. I thought guys didn't REALLY talk?
You're joking, right?
It makes perfect sense to me that he would have this talk with his son. If he has these thoughts and feelings, why wouldn't he tell his son?
Maybe he did want it to get back to you, Karen. Maybe he does consider your son to be a source of unconditional love. It just seems to me that any man would want his son to know him, man to man, not just as some authority figure, when the son grows up.
This might have been his version of apology, but to your son, not to you. I can't imagine he would believe that if your son reports the convo back to you, then it "counts" as an apology to you.
All that matters now is that you have been there for your son, and now you're moving to a beautiful new time in your relationship with B.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
ahhh Joe Its so nice to see you post. We MISS you , lots!!
It dosnt really count as an apology to me does it? on second thought the words " I'm sorry" never even came up. Just that he is a ............ A**H***
one thing tho , Ex never ever was a talker, I thought like Barb men just were not, which is not true, my dad can talk your ear off! Ex never ever did, maybe in S he has found the one person he thinks he can talk to. To think , that L is his other half and he hasnt discussed this with her even-he hasnt changed too much cause he sure as heck never would open up to me either.
Hows things Joe?? Hows the writing group going?? Got anything for me to read?? I hope My Space isnt the only way I can get hold of ya! Please come back!!!!!
Last edited by KarenMarieS; 03/10/0801:36 AM.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
To think , that L is his other half and he hasnt discussed this with her even-he hasnt changed too much cause he sure as heck never would open up to me either.
He doesn't think of her as his other half. He probably didn't think of you that way, either, if he could walk away from you and your son.
Maybe he talks to your son because he wants to feel "known." For whatever reason(s), letting a woman know him is too difficult for him.
I feel that the writing groups are going well. The real world group is only writing, per se, every other meeting. Tomorrow we'll be discussing story construction and citing examples to one another from books and movies. Then in two weeks we'll be critiquing pieces of writing again. I'm glad, because I can talk and learn about stories (especially about myth and mythology) forever, but forever wouldn't leave a lot of time for actual writing.
I made the rookie mistake of sending out a first draft of something last time. The "draftiness" of it overwhelmed the reading experience, I think, but the others still gave me good feedback. I need to put more effort into preparing the next piece before I send it. I had my rookie mistake so it's time to move on to being a wise fool.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
He doesn't think of her as his other half. He probably didn't think of you that way, either, if he could walk away from you and your son.
Very insightful Joe , I totally agree!
Well you made your token small mistake for the writing group, and knowing you, and you know i know you sooo well lol You will learn from it and make it that much better next time!!
Hope you are having mild weather
It was beautiful here this weekend! Spring has sprung, we were in San Diego ( Oceanside) sat outside for lunch and walked around Carlsbad village. Maybe some of your old stompin grounds?? It was really nice. Hopefully it stays this way and the rain has gone bye bye!!
Have a terrific week!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
We learned here that we can't make other people happy. We can only be happy with ourselves.
Some people don't want to be that way. We choose to be or we wounldn't be here. I think that's why we came here. So we could find that happiness within ourselves when the pain and unhappiness hit us.
That's the lesson I learned from divorce busting. We had to have the GAL and other learned techniques pounded into us. Your X, like mine, like so many, didn't wish to be happy. We could never make them be so. They're sad really.
But I no longer wish to be part of their sad ways.
Wow Karen, his words sound so true.........he's so mixed up. Not wanting to have any responsibilities, not understanding why he can't do it his way. Right out of MLC's books.
My Ex has certainly had his regrets, he's told my daughter this, he told me a few times he'd wished he would of been in a better mind state. Almost sounded like they can't help it. Just like he seemed to have said. It really is sad.
Like Barb said, some of us seem to think that all we need is an apology and we'll be alright. Then when we do get one, in all different ways, it doesn't really seem to matter.
I remember the feeling of pure panick when my Ex decided he wanted to come back, PANIC, I thought that's what I wanted. But the feeling of having to make HIM happy was so overwhelming that when it didn't work out I was so relieved. I have to remind myself of that feeling when I'm feeling down, and thinking he's still my answer to my happiness.
They're NOT, only we can make ourselves happy, then if someone comes along to share that happiness, that's when it's truly right.
PS.......don't you dare leave me out of these wedding plans, I've been a bridesmaid many, many times, and that's fine with me now. lol No matter what I'm wearing. I'll come naked...um well never mind.
