I'm starting a new thread in the hopes of some new advice, comments, pity, sympathy, etc!!!!
My story, if you want to get the whole thing - so much seemed so positive for awhile, there! When things were looking good.
The short story is - moved back East for wife's happiness after reuniting, and then dragged her back to CO after almost 6 months!
The longer version, if you've read my past threads:
Here is were I made the huge blunder, and alas begins the next segment of our saga:
Well, my life was going so good, on a real upswing - I jumped on a new project at work, made the journey back East.... then, right after my parent's came out for a visit, I fell into a black hole of depression. The winter, the distance from family, the isolation with the W who still won't talk about what happened in our M. I lost a good friend in November, who was literally a lifesaver during my separation and depression. We had problems with the renters in our house that meant I got almost no money for 5 months from it (the market tanked before I could sell and a big part of my GAL activity was fixing up my house!). I convinced myself the effort was to get it sold, but I was really putting my heart and soul into my home!
We're still piecing, but I dragged her back to Fort Collins, CO. That may have been a mistake. I thought we'd agreed to do it together, but now she resents me for dragging her back from her dream of going back home to where she's from. She had a meltdown on the way here. I wanted to go back to our house in Wheat Ridge, because that was the financially smart thing to do, but she will not move back there. That's fodder for another post.
Please, for those of you who want to say "I told you so!" it won't do any good, and I know it. I made the journey out there with the best of intentions. It was my own stupid need to cling to the past and what I'm familiar with that ruined it when we got there.
Even though we had help from her dad, we're now in such debt I don't know if we'll ever recover. Debt was a big stressor in our relationship already. I was trying to hold down the job, keep up the house, etc. in Wheat Ridge. If we'd stayed on course we'd be close to being out of debt right now. Instead we're renting a place that doesn't feel like home, an hour from all the things I was comfortable with (not to mention my office - I'm working from my basement now) that made it easier for me to manage my stress and medical problems. And someone else is living in my home!
To top it off, the new project I joined at work has been a living hell. In my field you have to be constantly relearning and I've just not been in a mental state this last year to learn all new technology, deal with the ever increasing corporate BS, etc. I don't dare be away from my cell phone. On call all the time. After hours stuff, weekends, etc. I've been in this company for 10 years and have kind of become a dinosaur. I don't feel qualified to compete with the young, motivated folks out there who haven't spent the last year or so in emotional hell. So, I cling to the job, even though I don't think I'm pulling my weight. If I end up getting fired, we're really screwed. To top it off, I have bad tendinitis, which already makes it hard to have an IT job!
This roller-coaster of life being really bad, then really good, then really bad again has been so stressful that my health, energy, etc. have taken a real beating.
There's so many details I suppose I should fill in. I guess I may need to start posting regularly again. Way too much to say, and I'm supposed to be working right now! And I haven't even gotten to the relationship parts of my saga!!!!!!
For the oldtimers who have warned about how hard piecing really is, man did I underestimate. I still thought it was all fine and dandy, until real life came back. We ran halfway across the country and took our old problems with us. As my aunt likes to quote: "Wherever you go, there you are!"
I hate to say it, but my life would probably be on a better track for me personally if I'd have let go back when I was in a better place for myself personally. Now she's out of work, and it's very hard to find a job. I don't want her to be with me only because she can't escape, but I worry that's all we have to our relationship now. Sex, intimacy - forget it. I should also post over in the Sex Starved Marriage.
Why did I do this? Why couldn't I conquer my depression and stay out East and let her be happy for a change (for those who don't know, she lived out here in CO for me for 14 years!).
W won't drive in snow (and we used to live in Anchorage!) It's become a phobia for her. She'll barely drive at all. I had to drive the entire way out East and back, and we have a cat, so we can't fly.
W quit 2 jobs back East (and now blames me for one of those because of my whining - some of which is true - I admit my depression was bad and I did a lot of complaining), and just can't decide where exactly we can live - we tried MA, then NY, then she wanted to stay in every city we passed coming back to CO. In the last 10 yrs she's had numerous jobs, but I've never had the luxury of just quitting when times where tough. I've had to support us and spent all my efforts trying to get us out of debt. Yes, I should have taken her on trips back East and stuff over the years. That might have helped.
She gained back a lot of weight that she had lost (losing weight and getting in shape together was one of the good things about our relationship a couple of years ago). Now she blames me for that (again, because of my East-coast meltdown).
When moving back here 1st came up she was only for it because she couldn't find work, and we weren't on a bus route for her to avoid that driving phobia I mentioned. Then, after the holidays, some places called so now she's sure she'd have had a good job by now. Maybe, maybe not. No way to tell now!
If anyone stumbles across my previous pathetic post, I had forgotten a cardinal rule of DBing - taking care of myself. Doing much better now, less depressed, and really trying to improve my health. Trying to be more positive. Work is going much better, mostly due to the attitude change.
As for the relationship. Still much to do. Can't understate it - Piecing is hard work!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I wanted to post this, in case any poor newcomer saw my previous posts and ran away thinking there is no hope!
