I am almost divorced (about 2 months)after being separated for 3 years with a major MLC WAH. I have done the GAL, found peace with myself, etc. I am okay being alone but I have started to wonder about the dating scene these days. Having to go back out there absolutely terrifies me.
Any suggestions or comments how to proceed? The on-line thing seems so impersonal, plus I heard on NPR yesterday that eHarmony is 68% women, so the chances of finding a compatible male there are slim. I have a feeling other dating sites might be the same way.
And all my friends are couple oriented and have very few singles.
Any suggestions or comments how to proceed? The on-line thing seems so impersonal, plus I heard on NPR yesterday that eHarmony is 68% women, so the chances of finding a compatible male there are slim.
The chances of finding a compatible woman on eHarmony are pretty slim! As a former subscriber (twice), I have less than zero faith in their questionnaires and matching algorithms now.
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I have a feeling other dating sites might be the same way.
I think most of the sites are predominantly male, and you would pretty much have to pick and choose from the guys who tried to contact you. The ladies here can give you a lot more advice about that.
Plentyoffish.com is free, if you want to "get practice" without spending a lot on the subscription fees.
Are you in a hurry to start dating, though? If you and your WAH were back together at home just last fall, you have plenty of reason to take your time about going back out there if you like. It's not like we're required to get into a relationship, or even to go on a lot of dates, just because we get divorced.
Thanks,
Joe
Oh, and how about a Guinness for the first post!
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
I have to say I haven't had much luck on the various dating sites I have tried. I am not sure what the problem is, but there was definitely no "Picking and Choosing"!
More like...waiting for a response and then deciding what to do with it...
I did have one e-mail relationship that lasted for a few months. He fell off the face of the earth when we decided to meet. I deleted the account a cut all contact with that site. BUT it was also free and was interesting to spend time on. That site was OK cupid
I also have been on Match and Chemistry. Met one terrific guy that I liked a LOT. But he was rebounding and it didn't work out. *sigh*. I met several others, but no Chemistry. Speaking of Chemistry, I tried that also.
I think these sites CAN be useful for meeting people. I think it is good to meet in person, in a public place , being safe, as soon as you are comfortable doing so. I felt used and annoyed when the one e-mailing guy turned out to be a cyber-player. I could have moved on that much sooner if we had set up a meeting and he had pulled his disappearing act then.
With springtime on the horizon I am feeling the urge to start dating again myself. Just not sure how to put myself "out there".
Good luck! SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
There are several ways to meet others, I guess its just a matter of what feels best for you, Some people really do not like on line dating and I was skeptical at first, and in fact got real fed up sometimes. BUT , some how through all the madness I found a wonderful man, didnt know they existed, with ex and all. ha ha
Granted I was on/off a few years, yes, even before my D was final, but I had been S for a few years.
I found friends didnt really feel comfortable or know too many single men, so I joined my churchs' single group. ALL women! lol so Social clubs- church, just being out there is all I could come up with. Met ex in college, so that didnt work again lol
You may want to just dip your toe in the on line dating, pick one suited to you, I used Cathoicsingls, but there are soooo many it dosnt hurt to try, and Jill and Barb will give you thumbs up too, like anything out there, people will love it, or hate it.
Good Luck!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Ditto everything that Karen wrote! I met a couple of guys who were decent but I didn't care if I ever saw them again. After a few meetings, found a gem. So, yes, you might have to kiss a few toads before you find your prince - but princes are out there trying to find a princess too.
I belong to a lot of groups but not many single men I'd be interested in or vise versa. Online dating broadened my horizon - I figured - at least I would meet guys who WANTED to date. And no - I never ran into any that were married, but we all know that happens. No matter what - check them out CAREFULLY before meeting, meet in a public place during daylight hours. And park where he can't walk you to your car (follow you or get your licence plate). Use only a cel phone number - home numbers can be traced to an address.
It is fun. It can be scary. But it can also change your life for the better. But play the safety card first.
Yup, all of the above. I met my guy online, also. Did it off and on for a couple of years. I really met some doozies but no one that ever made me nervous or scared in any way. I "do" think that I probably went out with a couple of M'd men, but they didn't interest me enough to want to date them twice so never found out for sure. Just a gut feeling on the first date.
Just be careful/safe. There are good men out there that are looking for the same things we are.
Yes,I have to say I met some doozies lol, not dangerous, just,,,well quirky lol I could of written a book I think but they were just nice men wanting the same thing I did. Actually met a good friend or two!
Like everything else, there are good and bad, so like Barb said, just be aware, use common sense, and if nothing else its a learning experience!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Speaking from the guy's side, I have to say be VERY careful on sites like Match.com or eHarmony.com. I went on them when I first moved out here and the screening process (if there is one) needs to be updated on the sites. One date was me "interviewing" to be the father of her two young boys. Their dad is currently in jail for burning down her last apartment.
*shudder*
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Like everything else, there are good and bad, so like Barb said, just be aware, use common sense, and if nothing else its a learning experience!
This is very good advice. It is a crazy world out there...especially if you been out of the game for years....or like me you never entered it (started dating XH at 16). I seem to get myself into some sort of situation that I learn a lesson from every weekend. After everything we've been through, even at our strongest, we are more vunerable than we want to believe.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
