Finding Supermom - #4

[blindsided1]

I'm glad that you had a good day considering. That's great that you looked cute. Good for you. And, how could he NOT notice. Hope you have a wonderful day and weekend ahead.

[Wooglint]

Jenny,

Just so you have confirmation, guys always notice when a woman looks good. I assure you he noticed. My W looked great the other day and it killed me.

Unfortunately I think society accepts divorce now. It's easy and quick. People are just sort of numb to it. Most of my friends have already tried setting me up with other women. I guess life just keeps moving on.

[JennyF]

Thanks everyone.
And thanks Woog for saying that H would have noticed!

I'm talking the talk, but I'm not walking the walk. At least I feel like I've digressed the last week or so.

I think I'm DB'ing well enough. I mean, I couldn't be much darker than I am. H and I only communicate regarding the kids and over the "D" stuff. The finacial statements, the house, all that crap. For all intents and purposed I'm working on a divorce. OH crap, I said it.

But here is where I'm stuck. In prayer. I find myself praying to God dozens of times a day to bring H home. I pray for Him to help H look within himself, I pray for OW to find happiness elsewhere, I pray for Him to plant the seed of doubt in H's mind, I pray for H to look at me and see the person he used to, I pray for H to see what he is giving up, I pray for him to think of kids and how they are worth more effort, and I pray and I pray and I pray.
I also pray for myself...to have strength to deal with this. For my children to be ok. For myself to be ok. To let him go to figure things out. I pray to do the things I need to attract H back. I pray for God to just pick me up and carry me through this. But for the most part I am focused on H and how the ONLY option is for him to figure out what's giving up and want to come home and try.
So I may be doing the DB stuff in front of him, but the GAL and focus on me...notso good.
Why do I feel that the only option is for him to come back? Because I'm still trying to make sense of this and to me that is the only way that it can make sense.

I also pray for God to let me know if I'm on the right track. Is the fact that H is moving fast toward D the sign that I need to accept it's over? Or is it just H moving along through the stages of this process?
AAAAHHH! I'm driving myself nuts looking for answers that are just not there!

So I've spoken before about this 'feeling' I have within myself that it just isn't over. I like to think that is God talking to me. But it could just be flat out denial.

So I have a question for all of my friends out there who know God better than I seem to. I have never been all that religious and am in need of some spiritual guidance. Where is all this prayer getting me? Should my prayers be focused here? How do I feel God talking me? Are the answers there if I look for them? Or is the point to stop looking and they will come...in TIME?
I know the answer to that...

I should also add that I always thank God for my many blessings. Each day, many times a day I count those blessings and am eternally grateful for them.
*sigh*
J~

[phbear316]

Jenny

Oh first off ((hugs)).

Second, oh my, its like you read my mind, and typed it out. I was thinking along the same lines on my way home tonight, I pray, and pray, gone back to church, listen and watch joel osteen, started to read his book, for what? I have that same question.

I am interested as what others have to say with this. thanks for reading my mind and typing it out for me! LOL

bear

[blindsided1]

Geez Jenny, I think you read my mind, too. Like I said on my thread, sometimes I think that I pray so much and so hard that God, himself will come down and tell me to knock it off, already. I feel the same way. I don't have any answers and I don't know how to interpret any "signs". I'm not a terribly religious person, either. I definitely believe in God, but I rarely go to church. I do pray often. But, take a piece of your own advice... when you calm down your thoughts, that's when God will speak to you. You have great strength and you know the answers to many of your questions. I think that you, like me, are wanting results faster. Deep breath, hang on, and use this time for you. Go, go, go do something for you, no matter how small. Change your hair. Buy sexy underware (I swear this feels good even if it's just for you, right now), flirt with whoever, have a girls night once or twice a month. Take some time for you. You definitely deserve it.

[Imconfused0807]

Go, go, go do something for you, no matter how small. Change your hair. Buy sexy underware (I swear this feels good even if it's just for you, right now), flirt with whoever, have a girls night once or twice a month. Take some time for you. You definitely deserve it.

Supermom,

Blindsided gave some good advice...change your sexy underwear and buy some hair...oh, I mean change your hair and buy some sexy underwear (IC, who suffers from selective Dyslexia } Getting a life, doing things that feel good for YOU.

I started a thread over on the Sex Starved Marriage forum with you and your GAL in mind (hope you don't mind) I usually hang out over there and wanted to get their take on what I feel is going on with your husband as he reacts to your getting a life. Stop in sometime, they are a great bunch of helpful folks. There is always room for a fiesty, foul-mouthed, lady Canuck

Oh, here is the link to the thread....Buckle your seat belts, you're about to be transported to SSM

- IC

[saffie]

Supermom,

If you are going to follow IC's link.....buy some thigh boots too

[bhopeful]

Hi Jenny.

I hope that I can offer you some helpful advice, but this is all just my opinion on what has worked for me.

I think I'm DB'ing well enough. I mean, I couldn't be much darker than I am.

DB is so much more than being "dark". My biggest issue with DB is that so many people gravitate directly towards the LRT and forget to do all of the other steps. That being said, I understand why you are being "dark", but don't discount the importance of the other steps. What are your 180s? Have you experimented with different behaviors and monitored the results? Are you doing anything that is working? What are you doing to get a life? Are you able to stay positive daily? Focus your energy on one area of your life until you feel positive change there. Just as change in a relationship takes baby steps, so to does change in yourself. If you try to make too many large over sweeping changes then they most likely won't stick.

But here is where I'm stuck. In prayer.

God hears your prayers Jenny. I know that He does. Some of the things that you are praying for He can't give you though. Not because He isn't all powerful/knowing/loving, but because He has given us the gift of free will. We are our own beings created in his image to choose and do as we please. When I first started this journey that I'm on, I prayed for many of the same things as you. I came to realize though that my prayers weren't going to bring my W home. So I changed what I was praying for. I prayed that God would give me the strength to keep a positive attitude and do positive things. Not to let me get bogged down by negative emotions and actions. I prayed that He bring peace to my W's discontented heart and that she feel both mine and His love for her. I prayed for the Lord to show my heart how to have unconditional love and through His Grace let it be known to her.

I started praying these things because I truly want her to be happy, no matter what that means for me. Even if it means that I get no love from her in return.

Where is all this prayer getting me?

They will bring you into a closer relationship with God through which all things are possible. They will bring you peace in your darkest hour. That is if you truly believe what you are praying for and Who you are praying to.

How do I feel God talking me?

God speaks to us through many varied means. You can find his voice in scripture, in other people, or even just in your surroundings. It's not always immediately apparent when He speaks to us, so don't expect a knock on the head (although that can happen too).

Peace in your heart, mind, and life is my prayer for you Jenny.

B

[blindsided1]

Hey, Jenny. Wow, I feel validated. Someone thought my advice was good. That's great. I just wanted to check in on you and see how your weekend is going. Hope the kids are well and you are having a great Saturday with them.

[Gypsy]

Jenny..

I've only been here for a week, but so much of what you write reflects my current state. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and helping inspire!