I am so sorry - he is being such an A$$ and I totally feel for you! What are you going to do about FL? Maybe just you and the girls should go - it was when I went to Hilton Head without H (first time EVER we did not do a vacation as a family) that he realized what it was like to be on his own... Just my .02...
I believe a true S will help you - it is rough at first but then a semi-peace sets in b/c you cannot see what they are doing and you have to let it go. Bedtime was still rough but it got easier over time. My H moved out last Feb and did not come back for good until July (and then OW still tried again in Sept...) He said the apt felt like a time-out like he was being punished - which maybe that's what it was supposed to be...
Take care of you! I was taking just one Simply Sleep OTC pill - just to help me relax enough to fall asleep...
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Well, we had a huge fight. We stayed up late talking and actually went to sleep as friends. I did turn him down for sex and he is very angry about that. I was honest why I did (I read more into than him, I can't be with him when he is with other people), but he is very rejected. He woke up very angry and lashed out at me all morning, once in front of D3. He said something about my friend (who he hates) in front of D3 and she knew what he was talking about. He is totally lost, lashing out, angry, hurt, and taking it all out on me.
We are back to him NOT moving out til he gets half the house.
He told me (before we fought, when we were talking calmly) that OW went off on him about me. They are in a bad way, lashing out. He sees now what kind of person she is and is taking it out on her because he was so duped. She is lashing out at him because...well...she is psycho. She told H that I am a slut, a B$tch, a bad mom, a person who puts her career first, that I shouldn't have had kids, that I would be the only one stupid enough to stay with H (lol), etc. I cannot believe this, but H is going to D6's school and telling the vice principal about the A, about OW, and that he wants no contact between her and our D6. He will also tell her that I know about all of this, so if something happens and he is unreachable, she can contact me. Wow.
I am at a loss. I tried to channel NoCode this morning when H spewed at me for so long. I tried to walk away calmly saying to him "This isn't helping us, let's talk later", and I got a "Same old lwb, controlling the situation, refusing to talk about things". I can't win. Nocode, I am in that paper bag with you, I was anti db this morning big time. I will eventually apologize for the anger I showed, but I will not hear anything back from him.
He is very mad about the sex. Mad his cake is cut off, I suppose. But I am not built that way, I can't be with him when he is out telling women he is getting a divorce, getting numbers, and basically dating. I can't do it.
LWB, Your H has definitely found out the grass in not greener on the other side, hasn't he? He has made quite a mess of his life hasn't he? The OW sounds like a nutcase!!! Interesting that she is talking badly about you. Hmmm...sounds like she is describing herself! Talk about projecting!
You are so strong. I have the utmost respect for you.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
WOW what a looney!! Also to have the nerve to talk about you. I don't know how your will power stays so strong. LOL Because if it were me I know I would have called her and put that little hussy in her place.
It is interesting that he is so angry about sex. It just seems for some reason like he is needing to feel that you want him. I really don't think it is cake eating. Because if he is dating he could easily get that elsewhere. It's almost like he is acting out to try and get you to notice him. I think he honestly thinks maybe you ARE cheating on him. He keeps mentioning this to you. Also maybe if this hussy OW is telling him things maybe he believed it some. I don't know???
Also wanted to say sorry about the roller coaster. Sorry you are hurting. But your one of the strongest women I have seen on here. I know either way you will be okay.
Are you SURE he is out there telling women these things. If he has just had his fingers burnt by a psycho b!tch then would he be out there again so soon looking for another potential psycho?
I completely understand why you don't want to ML with him. I couldn't ML with my H knowing/thinking that for him it was sex rather than ML.
Have you explicitly told him that it is because he is out there saying these things you can't be intimate with him? I know you probably have, I just felt the need to ask the question.
I am glad that OW's true colours have now come out. I feel that your H is just lashing out at you because he hurts and he knows exactly which buttons to push to make you hurt. I know the pain he is going through SHOULD make him more understanding of what he has done to you but it just doesn't seem to work that way. They say you always kick/hurt the people closest to you because you can and you know they will probably forgive you. Think about the grief we gave our parents when we were teenagers - and yet they still loved us.
You can't be a doormat though, and he needs to see that you are hurting too. His response though when you were 'channelling' NoCodes makes me think that he needs to see a reaction from you, so I don't think you have lost anything by letting rip at him today. If I was you, I wouldn't be the first to apologize if that would be a 180 for you.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
He's hurt. So maybe it's good that he isn't moving out. And it's good that you "cut him off."
What I mean is that it's crunch time now. He's out "checking out the talent." So you have to be "talent." Make yourself pretty, and go about your life. Be a good mommy, and a hard-working, productive person.
If he wakes up... great. You can then work through the process of piecing. If not... well, not great, but at least you have created the best possible lwb.
You are a strong, attractive, confident, sexy, productive mother. Keep it going. You have nothing to lose.
Have you explicitly told him that it is because he is out there saying these things you can't be intimate with him?
Miss saffie, yes, I told him this specifically. I admitted to him that it makes me feel closer to ML to him and this is dangerous for me right now. I told him I can't watch him be out, flirting and kissing other women, and then come home to me. I told him I still want him, am attracted to him, but am not built like that. He might not have known these things, but he knows them now.
I just received a phone call and an apology. Wow. We just talked for quite awhile and are 'good' again. He is out driving around, cooling off, called me for another reason (Did I know where a receipt was...) and then started in on the apology. I am calmer now.
I will not call OW. I have thought about it, but it won't do any good. Of course, I am angry about the things she is saying about me. I am just starting to make good friends at D6's school. I do this not knowing whether they know her or not. I will be very upset if this gets nasty at school. My beautiful D6 doesn't deserve to have her innocence shattered. H wants me to call OW, but he wants it for the wrong reasons. He says I should stand up to what she is saying about me, but really, I think he wants to 'bug her'. He is truly seeing her for what she is, and he asked me why I never told him that I knew what she was like. I told him that it wouldn't have done any good to hear it from me, that he had to see it for himself.
saffie, I am for sure that he is telling women he is getting divorced. He also kept on the fact that he only kissed that woman because he thought I was on a double date with Hope. lmfao!!!! Hope, I knew you would get a chuckle out of that one. Maybe you'll get a 'private' call today........ oh the joys of hopping on the rollercoaster with me. hee hee
Thank you everyone for responding. I will be strong, I feel better, I can do this.
