Well, it's been months since I last posted and most of you probably don't know who I am. I just wanted to update.
Our baby is now 8 months old and has 4 teeth and a great personality. He's become a proper member of our family and he has a wicked sense of humour. (For those of you who don't know, he's our post-D, DB baby, born 3 years after we got a D).
Our other kids are fine. DD2 has settled down a bit although she still has behaviour problems. DD4 has just been diagnosed with Andy's disability (hereditary, and usually hits at 5 years old, as is the case here). I was gutted to start with but have come to terms with it now. I just hope she doesn't hate me when she's older, but right now she's taking it in her stride. Baby Yanny might have the same issue but we won't know till he's 5. My 3 eldest ones are all abled.
I'm still dating Andy and spend a couple of days a week at his house. It's been about 2 years, I think, without him walking off so that's okay. I wouldn't say I have relaxed though, and there's still quite a bit I'm not happy with. He's very scared of M because of the past and he needs a lot of space (more so than when we were married), he's more critical of me which takes a bit of biting my tongue to handle and he smokes too much (which he didn't do at all when we were married). Sometimes his bluntness upsets me and sometimes I get fed up of the part time living arrangements, but then he is trying to do more of the things I like and he's stopped being so controlling about the kids.
He's bought us a mini bus! It has 15 seats so that when we all go out together there is enough room. People keep joking that we are going to make more babies but I don't want anymore kids and he doesn't either, so that's off the cards.
The house we bought to sell on is nearly finished so he'll be renting that out for a while before he sells it, to get more income, and we've put down for a lovely stone house in the country. Only 3 bedrooms but it's big with a lovely oak kitchen and a dining room, massive garden with a pond and it backs on to fields of cattle. It is gorgeous. Another couple are interested already so we don't know if we've got it but we are waiting to hear. I will go there with him part time initially (we have major trust issues to work through, I have finances to wrap up and I want to take my driving test because there aren't many buses in the country). The plan is to live with him there a few days a week and then have our space for a few days where I go back to my own place. I have explained it to the kids who are all fine with the idea, except for DD4 who wants to live there full time. If we get the house we are going to Ikea together to get home furnishings.
My work is going okay, getting paid on a regular basis now, still only low wage but at least I know when it's coming. It's nice because I'm in credit all the time now and can take everybody out to lunch and things. It's just tiring because the baby breast feeds all night and doesn't go to bed till at least 10pm and I have to type articles then, when I am already exhausted.
That's all my update for now. Happy D for those of you who have just got your freedom back.
Hey Jo Wow, the baby is 8 moths old! How time flies!
Sounds like things are settling a bit, the kids sound good. Hope things w/ Andy continue to calm and you all find a good niche and continue to be a family
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I was thinking about you and just the other day, wondering how things were going and it you would come and let us know. I'm very glad that you did!
So - 5 babes now! Wow, you've got your hands full. But things do sound a lot better. The house sounds wonderful! I will pray that it all comes together for you and the kids.
Your job sounds good too and it must feel good that things are coming together financially. I don't know how you do it, though. Having 5 and working has to be tough. I sure hope he pulls his weight by helping and paying for the bills.
We don't share each other's finances because I told him when he left that he was paying for the 3 bigger kids (because he took them) and I pay for DD4 and DS1 (the baby, darling son number 1). Sometimes we pay for each other's food and ocassionally I've bought clothes for him and the kids (and he did for the baby once).
I only work part time, a few hours a week usually in the evening or a Sunday because the kids need attention and the house needs sorting and to be honest I don't know how these working mums do 40 hours and still be mothers. They deserve a medal. I couldn't do it.
Things sound pretty good with you. That's great. I'm glad you are taking things slow and cautiously. Maybe you've found the way to make the relationship with Andy work....in smaller doses than full time marriage and living together. Whatever works, right?
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
It wasn't how I imagined it when I married him, but that's okay. He treats me better when he's not there full time. I personally preferred living together properly but there wouldn't be any point because it would be counter productive. I love him but he's not really husband material. He likes his space and his own routine far too much to want a wife, and unlike earlier years, I know I couldn't tolerate that from him. When we are together we can have a nice few days together which is more fun because we haven't seen each other for a while, and less stressful because he gets his pad back and I can go somewhere else if he bugs me.
I don't think he could handle the baby full time either, and that would just add to my stress. For instance, one night the baby was crying the house down all night and no matter what I did, he wouldn't stop but he does that frequently so I just stick with it . Andy gets impatient too easily and he ended up swearing by the time we got to 2am and he went for a smoke. To be honest, I was glad when he left the bedroom because I was more stressed at how he was coping than I was about the baby. It took me another 45 minutes after that to rock the baby to sleep and when I woke up later in the night, Andy had come back.
He cannot cope with crying or sleep deprivation and didn't very well with our older ones either. He didn't have to with DD4 because we were separated then so he hasn't had to do this for the last 8 years and isn't that great at adjusting. Me, on the other hand, I've been doing the single motherhood to babies for years now (DD4 didn't sleep till she was 2) so I feel like I can handle anything.
I do sometimes have the romantic dream of us all being together full time. He'd have to make changes that he's not ready to make.
We are going to a 40th birthday party on Saturday. He's going to drive everybody and some other guests to the party in the new mini bus.
Great to see that you're posting once in a while about you and Andy. I'm glad that it's still working out or is a work in progress. It's good to see that you're not adding undo pressure re a timeline or traditional arrangements. Are you okay with that?
