My impending D is coming to one painful reality. I am only on the start of the priocess but for all the other times H & I have only signed the papers but he had not filed since I signed the papers back in 5/07. He would say he was not ready or didnt want the D even though he's been living w/ Ow for almost a year. The past few months I kept nagging H to get it done for I had "convinced" myself I was ready to move on. Well, after he found out I filed for child support, that took him over the edge and he finally made his descion & handed me the financial papers to complete. All my feelings have come back to me. All the pain I felt like from the beginning of the bomb. I am AGAIN not able to sleep or eat. I really thought I was over it...NOT!! Last night he told me what his L told him my options are(he's being nice trying to let me keep the house for somehow. I dont qualify to refinance on my name. We really dont want to sell for I would end up in a tiny little apartment or trailer. But his L did tell him we can draw up a contract that I stay in the house for up to a year & use his child support to pay the mortagage.He doesnt like having to be "stuck" still to the house for it will still be in his name, but doesnt want the girls to miss out on the comfy of their own home they grew up in and having their own rooms.
So last night I asked him, so this is really want you want now? H-Uh,...yes..I thought this is what YOU wanted? Before I could answer he said "Well,...I know somedays I do and somedays I dont." Did I push and push to hard???? Now I feel hopeless like I did at the start of all this. I try to hide my tears from the girls, but they just come flowing whenever now. I am not pleading, but he can tell my sadness. He said last night that this thing has him "sick", he had a major headache the other night trying to fall asleep. Says he really wants to be alone but he really is only "staying" w/ OW b/c he cant financially do it alone. He will not be able to stay w/ anyone w/out having to pay. He stays there and pays her NOTHING. Again..like you guys have heard before, says its not b/c of her, its not love..its only a place to live for now. He likes how we get along now as "freinds". He cant complain now about what "use" to be his number one complaint- wanting me to help w/ the bills, which I have agreed to do. Now he says (bringing the past back up) he cant get over thinking he has to "watch" his behavior around me for scared I might put a restraining order on him.
I thought a lot about this last night as I couldnt sleep. I had asked him if he felt as if he had done any "growing" while we were apart. HE DIDNT UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION!!! He has an anger mangement promblem, stemming from his father physical abuse. I put him jail once in the first two years of M for he went overboard hitting our 1yr old so hard her bruised stayed on her leg for weeks!! Hey! A light bulb moment came to me last night....he is STILL justyfying it!! In his eyes he does not see it as abuse?? That was not the only incident, but if we get another chance to talk. I will tell him that I dont regret protecting my children even from their own father!
So, now I wonder if, which it had not occured to me before, I nolonger hold any resentments towards him. Should I pursue for supervised visitation rights? AND a court ordered IC for him? I think so.... HERE IS MY QUESTION-
How have you guys done it, gone and stood infront of a judge while your heart is being torn apart in a million peices and NOT have nervous breakdown?
How have you guys done it, gone and stood infront of a judge while your heart is being torn apart in a million peices and NOT have nervous breakdown?
Ummmm, it wasn't anything like that.
Actually the judge was a nice old guy, saw I was nervous and with his smile and a soothing voice, made the nerves go away.
Accept it, deal with it and move on. Drop the melodrama and emotive cliche's. They have no relevance in making the most of the life that God has given you.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
I guess its a little frightening to me b/c I was in court once on restraining order against H and I ended up w/ a god awful judge..I mean he was mean to the bone..barely let me put in a word..dropped the whole request and said it was a shame H & I cant get along b/c we make a goodlooking couple AND I had a hubbard house repersentative w/ me.
So i havent retianed an attorney no $ but I did consult one who said I haev areal good case and can repersent myself that I dont need an attorney!
Chiki, I can't say I know at this point, but it looks like I'm heading that way myself. I understand your pain and fear, and I don't know how I'm going to respond. This is the place to vent, however you want to do it.
Me 39 H 45 T13 M11 D6.5 S4 ILYBNILWY July 07 OW e-mails found 12/15/07 H moved out 3/15/08
I told D10 that our D is coming soon and this is what H wants. But I assured his love for them will not change.
As I was telling her this she started to cover her face (of hurt) with the sheets and asked how long it will take and that she wishes God would come and take us (his coming for beleivers) before the D happens. God I wish I could take away her hurt, she so wants us to get back together.
