I do not know if I was an alcoholic or not but I used to drink every day. When you are single and go out it is fine but then when we got married it caused problems. Every evening when I got home I drunk a little and even we were romantic she always said "You say it because you are drunk not because you really love me" . She also did not like the fact that I smoked.
When we started to have problems my behavior while drunk changed from silly to angry which did not help. After my daughter became 2 years old and my wife went away. I saw one day my daughter looking funny at the Jack Daniels bottle and someone told me ‘she knows you are drunk’. That done it.
I stopped drinking and quit smoking more than a year ago. However my wife said it is too late and does not care much but I did it more for my daughter than for her.
Me 42 W 27 Married: 6 years Together: 7 years Daughter: 3 years EA/PA began on Jan 07 (found out 12/29/07)
Me 42 W 27 Married: 6 years Together: 7 years Daughter: 3 years Wife away 2/16/2007 - 12/27/2007 (School in a different country) EA/PA began on Jan 07 (found out 12/29/07) Papers served on 2/6/2008
I understand about the kids. My S calls it daddy's drink. Not a good thing in my book. I didn't do this for her, tried to keep it from my W, especially since she is a C'er, I just thought it would fog her thinking on us. But I had to do something for me and my S.
Ya know, I've been told plenty I'm an alcoholic. But what got to me was I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop buying and drinking once I started. That was how I knew.
Anyone is more then welcome to come share here. I'm sure there are many and few revealed, but remember your hidden on the BB essentially. So don't be bashful.
Glad to hear your Ws health scare was just that. The XH thing might have just slipped out. She's been knowing it's heading that way and that's probably how she thinks of it. Not easy to hear, but good to know. Thinking of you as an XH rather than H also probably helped her justify her A. I think the fact that she called you first and only, is a good sign.
Just remember - when you feel like taking a drink, look at that precious little boy and ask yourself if it's worth it.
a little story that my FIL tells every year on his birthday at the meeting:
on the day after his 6th year, him and W#4 were fighting. He went to the liquor store, bought a bottle, and came home. he sat on the curb and cried. He threw his chip out into the street and it rolled away for a bit. H (his son) ran out and got the chip (cause he had been watching) and told him that he shouldn't throw away something so important. They both poured the bottle out and sat together... that was 11 years ago... remember why this is so very important.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
she did call you first to let you know what her diagnosis was, if thats what you wanted then good. She still lets you know what is going on in her life first, that to me means she cares about you and your input. I dont know what to say from here but to me it shows you are a rock in her life!!
Me 35 W 26 S 3 D 10 months I have custody Bomb 11/9/07 W PA 10/07 ended 2/08 Removed W from house 11/16/07 I filed in Nov. D put on hold http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1268484&page=6&fpart=16
Nothing substantial to add to this thread apart to echo what several others have stated...your revelation / realisation is a big / brave step and you are to be commended for taking it.
I can offer the observation that since I stopped drinking things in all aspects of my life have looked up considerably and if you can stay strong over the early few weeks / months things do become very much easier.
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
How are bud? Figured I would drop by and find out little about you as you had done on my thread. There are some really quality people on here that I have come across and you sure seem to fit that description. If you are not already, you should be tremendously proud of the new track you have put your life on by recognizing and responding apropriately to the grip that alcohol apparently has on you and all things about you.
Such a super showing of strength to give the alcohol a good swift kick from your life. I am removing alcohol from my life for an assortment of reasons and reading of your choosing to do the same is very inspiring.
Keep your eyes focused toward the proverbial finish line and act as a marathoner in this and in all pursuits.
Be well and let God carry the load, he's always willing.
Again, everyone here is great. I wish I had more time to respond to everyone and keep tabs. Life is just going so fast with meetings, my S, work, etc...
I feel great I have crossed 2 weeks totally sober yesterday, haha! Physically doing awesome, mentally I have a great PMA and not too many tempatations yet. But my phone list has grown so much, that at night I'm constantly talking or answering to someone, either helping or being helped. I've always been pretty spiritual with God, but that just continues to grow and offer a huge support.
Well W's saga continues. I got lectured the other day for not coming into her apartment when I drop S off. How this makes her feel unwanted, and how embarassing it is in front of her friends that I would treat her this way. She usually asks me, so if she doesn't I don't just barge in or anything. She said I shouldn't have to ask and that I'm welcome anytime. So I took the hint.
I got up a little earlier this morning and planned on spending a few minutes with her prior to work after bringing S down to her. Asked if I could come in, made a one step forward motion and about lost my foot. "No!" Then she physically guarded the doorway and looked behind her like she was looking at someone. All I said was "OK, well I guess I'll see you later."
No idea if someone is there, or what. Not even going to worry about it. I just find it interesting that I do as she asks then she slaps my hand for it.
Well she can play her games and do her thing. I'm not doing anything but being myself and if she wants to come around, so be it, if not, so be it.
Just a quick thought: could she be trying to push your buttons to get you to explode like the "old" Atlas would have done?
As you know, excellent on kicking the sauce. Keep it up. I'm looking forward to football season being over -- I'm like one of those rats hitting the button for heroin when a game's on
I know for a while I was drinking more than I should have. More habit/boredom than anything and usually wouldn't even drink to a buzz or only a slight one. Anyway, once I stopped, I felt great and broke that habit of sitting, watching TV, drinking.
Hang in there, my man.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Honestly, I don't know what is real, what is not, any more. I'm not playing fair all the time, just being me.
As for getting me to explode, she can try all she wants, but after the medical condition this summer that was cleared up, I haven't lost my temper once. I can't even see myself getting to that point. I'm pretty mellow now, and since I'm typically a laugh it off, the cup is half full anyway, sorta guy, she can try, but it won't happen.
I'm bad I know, but I sent a text this morning to her saying "Why couldn't I come in this morning." No response! To funny. Cause she knows she is damned if she says why and damned if she makes something up. Shouldn't do that to her one day after her medical issue, but you know what, I'm not the cause of her guilt. Only she can make herself feel that way.
She needs to wake up and live like a real adult would.
The XH thing might have just slipped out. She's been knowing it's heading that way and that's probably how she thinks of it. Not easy to hear, but good to know. Thinking of you as an XH rather than H also probably helped her justify her A. I think the fact that she called you first and only, is a good sign.